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Healthcare Stories

Presented by the Resiliency Center, the Center for Health Ethics, Arts, and Humanities, and UtahPresents

a group of people standing on stage

Healthcare Stories

Presented by the Resiliency Center, the Center for Health Ethics, Arts, and Humanities, and UtahPresents

HEALTHCARE STORIES: TOGETHER

Healthcare Stories provides a rare public space for people to share their experiences of health and healthcare. 

Why healthcare in particular? There’s so much vulnerability around health, illness, injury, grief – and even joy. Why do people come? To connect to other people, learn about their community, and experience a collective sense of awe at being part of something larger.  

A photograph of a woman on stage

THIS SEASON, THE HEALTHCARE STORIES THEME IS "TOGETHER".

2026 Storytellers

Together is the way that we get things done. The spoken and unspoken ways that we depend on each other. This year’s healthcare stories might be about taking on complex challenges as a community, the ripples that spread from a single conversation or event to create waves, seeing the good in each other when we can’t see it in ourselves, or how we witness and celebrate defining moments of what it means to be human.

Listen to Recordings from Previous Years


    On Feb. 6, 2025, UtahPresents, the Resiliency Center, and the Center for Health Ethics, Arts, and Humanities presentedd an evening of storytelling with the seventh installment of Healthcare Stories at Kingsbury Hall. This year’s theme was “Joy” – our lived experience of connecting to or longing for delight, glee, triumph, and feeling fully vital and alive. Stories explored themes reflecting on experiencing the impossible, witnessing the miraculous, working through tribulation, beholding the harvest of hard work or a life’s work, simply being present to the pleasures, people, and generosities of the everyday. 

    Intro/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    Good evening.

    Hi everyone, welcome.

    I'm Chloe Jones, the
    Executive Director of

    Utah Presents and it's
    my honor to introduce

    Healthcare Stories,
    the seventh edition.

    Yeah, let's hear it,
    seven years, that's

    amazing. With a pandemic
    thrown in there.

    This is an annual
    collaboration between Utah

    Presents here at Kingsbury
    Hall and University

    of Utah's Center for
    Health Ethics, Arts

    and Humanities and
    our Resiliency Center.

    And can we just have a
    moment to acknowledge

    how cool it is that
    we have a Resiliency

    Center and a Center
    for Health, Ethics,

    Arts, and Humanities
    on this campus?

    Health Care Stories
    is one event in a

    whole season of
    cultural and community

    programming at
    Utah Presents. We

    have lots going on
    this month alone, and

    we would love for
    you to come back.

    Next week, we premiere
    an original theater

    piece in partnership
    with Plan B Theater.

    It's called Kill
    -A-Watt, and it

    tells the story
    of Wat Masaka.

    If you don't know
    who Wat Masaka

    is, he has a
    remarkable story.

    And the experience
    will be quite unique.

    You'll actually enter
    through the backstage

    door here at Kingsbury
    Hall and you'll

    sit up on the stage
    for the whole show.

    The week of President's
    Day, we welcome

    back another annual
    favorite, the

    Banff Mountain Film
    Festival World Tour.

    And that Saturday,
    we close our

    new series, Jazz
    at Kingsbury Hall,

    with Christian
    McBride, an eight

    -time Grammy Award
    -winning bassist.

    And that's not all we

    have going on
    in February.

    At the end of the
    month, we bring

    Hubbard Street Dance
    Chicago. They're one

    of this country's,
    if not this world's,

    most celebrated
    dance companies,

    and they will wow
    you whether you think

    of yourself as a
    dance lover or not.

    All of this
    programming, including

    tonight, is made
    possible by the

    generosity of our
    donors. I want

    to thank our
    seasoned sponsors,

    Gordon and Connie Hanks,

    Lee and Audrey Holler,

    Dan John, Kenworth Sales,

    Nancy Peary Marriott,

    Tom and Mary McCarthy,

    the Newman Family
    Foundation,

    Dinesh and Kalpana Patel,

    John and Marcia Price

    Foundation, Sally Schatz,

    Alice and Kevin
    Steiner, Kyle

    Treadway, and
    Greg Pedroza,

    Salt Lake County
    Zoo Arts and Parks,

    Salt Lake City Arts
    Council, and Hampton

    Inn and Suites. We
    are so fortunate

    to have this
    foundation of support.

    There's no
    intermission tonight.

    You can access a full
    playbill by scanning

    the QR code on the
    performance card you

    picked up on your way
    in, and if you didn't

    get one, you can grab
    one on your way out.

    Do take a moment,
    please, to make sure that

    your cell phones and
    other devices are

    on silent or turned
    off. Dim your screens.

    It's really important
    to us tonight

    that there not be
    any photography

    or videography
    during the show.

    And in the event of
    an emergency, exit

    the way you came in
    and listen to the

    instructions from
    our wonderful ushers.

    Now, I get to introduce
    an amazing colleague

    and dear friend,
    Dr. Gretchen Case.

    Dr. Gretchen Case is
    director of the Center

    for Health Ethics,
    Arts, and Humanities and

    an associate professor
    in the Department

    of Theater and the
    Department of Internal

    Medicine here at the
    University of Utah. Dr.

    Case works in the
    health humanities, the

    many ways in which the
    arts and humanities

    intersect with the
    medical arts and sciences.

    She is an inspiration,
    a force to be

    reckoned with, someone
    we are so fortunate

    to have on this
    campus and in town.

    Please put your
    hands together

    for Dr. Gretchen Case.

    Thank you all.

    Joy is the intoxicating

    beauty of the world.

    This definition of joy
    comes from the poet

    David white's first
    book, Consolations.

    If you've come to
    the show before, you

    know that I'm usually
    standing here with

    Megan Call, the other
    producer of this

    show, and she loves
    David white's poetry.

    She often quotes
    from it. She asked me

    to quote from him
    tonight, and the only

    reason she's not here
    is because she got

    invited to a retreat
    with David White.

    So we excused her
    to go be at that

    retreat, so she
    won't be here

    tonight. She's
    with us in spirit.

    We've been producing
    Healthcare Stories

    since 2017, always
    with Utah Presents,

    always on this stage
    at Kingsbury Hall,

    and early on with the
    support of The Bee,

    that many of you
    may know, and Brooke

    Horsch, and so many
    other wonderful people

    like you who know
    the power of stories.

    Each year, we select
    stories that are

    amazing. They come
    from the submissions

    that we get and
    the invitations

    that we extend, and
    what we're trying

    to do is gather the
    voices and experiences

    of our community
    around a theme.

    These are not
    lectures, they're

    not TED Talks,
    it's not a story

    slam, it's not
    a competition.

    Instead, what we've
    built is a community,

    and we've built that
    with all of you.

    We hold these
    evenings not only to

    hear stories about
    health and health care

    and being human,
    but also to consider

    how we might tell
    our own stories.

    Joy is the
    theme this year,

    and we always
    need more joy.

    And we know from
    science and from many

    wisdom traditions that
    joy is good for us.

    We need joy when things
    are going well, and

    we need joy when things
    aren't going well.

    There are a bunch
    of people I need to

    acknowledge and we
    want to thank tonight.

    There are many special
    people who made this

    possible in addition
    to the Resiliency

    Center, Center for
    Health, Ethics, Arts, and

    Humanities, and Utah
    Presents. We want to

    especially thank the
    crew, Chloe Jones, Asia

    Vogelman, David
    Braithwaite, Ashley

    Behunen, Dennis Bush,
    Sherry Jarden, and all

    the marvelous stage crew
    and box office staff.

    Also, everyone from
    UHealth who's been

    so supportive, especially
    Wendy Hobson-Rohr,

    Tom Miller, Amy Locke,
    and Michael Good.

    The marketing and
    communications team

    from UHealth and the
    one from main campus

    went above and
    beyond this year in

    getting word out about
    healthcare stories.

    Betsy Holm and Bethany
    Burr are sitting

    somewhere over there,
    and they're a really

    important part of the
    team that actually make

    everything happen
    and get the word out.

    And finally, I want
    to make sure to thank

    our storytellers,
    not just this year's

    storytellers, but so
    many of you who've

    told stories in the
    past and are here

    with your family
    and your loved ones.

    We have six
    stories tonight.

    They've each been
    asked to stay around

    10 minutes. We'll
    see what they do.

    And for the past
    few years, we've had

    the tradition of
    inviting a past

    storyteller to come and
    be the emcee for the

    evening. So we're
    really lucky to have

    Kati Yaud, who told
    a story in 2023.

    She works here at the
    U, but she's about

    to leave and do her
    graduate work at

    the London School for
    Economics. So we're

    very lucky to have
    the distinguished

    Kati Yaud here. So,
    Kati, let's begin.

    Thank you so much,
    Dr. Case and the

    rest of the Healthcare
    Stories team.

    Good evening,
    everyone. My name is

    Kati Del Pilar
    Yaud, and I am so

    honored to be your
    emcee tonight.

    Honestly, when they
    asked me last fall, I

    was in the middle of
    graduate school applications,

    and I'm like I don't
    know some programs

    start in the winter
    but you know it's okay

    I will make it work
    I will be there no

    matter what I had the
    wonderful opportunity as

    it was stated to come
    on this stage in 2023

    and tell my own story
    I had the opportunity

    to talk about my
    autoimmune disease

    dermatomyositis and my
    journey to remission to

    relearn how to chew
    swallow and eat again and

    to learn to walk and
    eventually jog and run.

    I'm currently
    actually training

    for a marathon in April.

    So I'm very
    excited about that.

    Have I become one
    of those people

    that like to run
    and don't actually

    ever stop talking
    about running?

    Yes, and I will not
    apologize for that.

    Healthcare stories is

    just so special to me.

    You will laugh with these
    wonderful storytellers

    tonight. You will
    cry with them. you

    will feel with them and
    for them and honestly

    there's there's nothing
    like it and i do

    want to applaud them
    for their bravery

    because i know for some
    i know for me it was

    definitely out of my
    element because it's a

    completely different
    experience here i will

    also say i'm not a
    big fan of small talk

    okay so when i mean
    it's good to know what

    you do for work and
    how many kids you have

    or if you don't have
    any kids totally fine

    but what I really want
    to know is if you pour

    your cereal or your
    milk first or what

    your phobias are or
    what like pizza toppings

    you choose though
    that's what's really

    important to me so in
    addition to your digital

    programs that you have
    I will I had asked

    them to give me more
    information so these

    two questions are in
    your worst mood what is

    the Disney villain
    that you most resemble?

    The second question
    is what is your most

    controversial mundane
    opinion? Okay.
    Amy/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    Our next storyteller
    is Amy Askerlund,

    and she chose
    the controversial

    mundane opinion, and
    she said that she

    wishes Elf on the
    Shelf never existed.

    And I agree.

    Here's Amy.

    Hello.

    Wow, what an
    extraordinary night. I am

    so honored to be here
    sharing my story.

    I knew I would
    get emotional.

    Every time I think
    about my story,

    my emotions
    kind of well up.

    I'm really an
    ordinary person.

    I'm a mom. I'm a nurse.

    But I recently had
    the opportunity to

    participate in something
    very extraordinary.

    Just four months
    ago, I became a

    living kidney
    donor, and I donated

    my left kidney to
    a total stranger.

    And this is one
    of the most joyous

    things I've ever
    been able to do. And

    I'm so excited to
    tell you about it as

    soon as I can get
    it under control.

    usually when I tell
    people that I did that

    they have a lot of
    questions and the first

    question is usually
    why what made you want

    to do that well as a
    nurse of course I've

    always been aware of
    kidney disease and what

    it means to the patient
    and their family I

    would see them come
    into the ER if they had

    missed their dialysis
    appointment and I really

    started to think about
    how difficult that

    would be to have to
    go to dialysis several

    times a week for hours
    at a time. I mean,

    you're really tethered
    to that machine. And

    even though it keeps
    you alive, it really

    limits the amount of
    living that you can do.

    And so then one day
    I was listening to a

    podcast, as I often
    do. I'm a big podcast

    listener. And on this
    episode, the guest

    was telling about
    his experience of

    donating his kidney.
    And as I listened, I

    thought, huh, that
    doesn't seem that hard.

    That doesn't sound like
    that big of a deal.

    I wonder if I could do
    that. I think I could

    do that. I mean, I
    know it's a big deal,

    but like it's not that
    big of a deal. So I

    thought, okay, maybe
    someday I'll look into

    that. Well, a few
    months went by and I got

    a text from a friend
    of mine. We used to

    work together, but she
    now happens to work in

    transplant services.
    So I thought, oh, I

    should ask her, how
    would one go about it if

    they were curious and
    interested in becoming

    a donor and she sent
    me a link and I opened

    it up and I read all
    the information that

    I could find and then
    there was a button

    at the bottom of the
    page that said become a

    living donor and I
    clicked on it and I took

    the first step which
    was just to fill out

    a very extensive
    medical history form I

    submitted that and that
    got the ball rolling

    the next thing I had
    to do was to make sure

    that all of my regularly
    recommended cancer

    screenings were up to
    date so luckily I had

    just had an appointment
    with my OBGYN so

    all I had to do was
    schedule my first ever

    colonoscopy I remember
    this was I was doing

    the prep for it on Super
    Bowl Sunday because

    yes as you can imagine
    everyone else was

    enjoying their seven
    layer dip and their wings

    and their pizza and
    I had my gallon of

    bright yellow Gatorade
    chuck full of Miralax.

    But then I had a
    great little power

    nap the next day,
    so it was great.

    After all my results
    came back clear, it

    was time to schedule
    an appointment with the

    transplant center.
    So they schedule an

    all-day appointment.
    You get there first

    thing in the morning at
    8 o'clock, and you're

    there until about 3
    .30 in the afternoon.

    Now before my appointment,
    they had mailed

    me a great big red jug.
    And they said, we want

    you to collect all
    your urine in a 24-hour

    period and bring it in
    with you. And also it

    needed to be refrigerated.
    So I thought, I

    don't think my family's
    going to appreciate

    having a big jug of my
    urine in the fridge.

    So I kept it in a cooler
    in my bathroom. And

    then I don't know about
    you guys, but I don't

    know what the proper
    etiquette is for

    walking in public with
    a jug of your own urine.

    So I just had to go
    against all of my

    social conditioning
    up until that point

    in my life and just
    confidently strut

    in and hand over
    that jug of urine.

    And if you can
    believe it, you know

    what they wanted
    first? A urine sample.

    I'm telling you,
    these nephrologists,

    they are obsessed
    with pee.

    So then it was time to

    get the testing underway.

    The first thing
    was to draw

    blood, and they
    drew 27 tubes of

    blood to be
    exact. I counted.

    After that, I had
    a chest x-ray and

    an EKG and a CT
    scan, and then I

    had a series of one
    -on-one appointments.

    I met with a
    nurse coordinator,

    a nephrologist, a
    transplant surgeon,

    a dietician, a
    pharmacist, and a social

    worker, and the social
    worker had a lot of

    interesting questions
    for me but one question

    he asked me is do you
    want to become famous

    and I said oh my
    goodness no I am not the

    type of person to stand
    on a giant stage under

    a bright spotlight
    and talk about myself

    so after all of my
    testing came back good

    the nurse coordinator
    presented my case to the

    transplant board, and
    about a week after

    my appointment, I got
    the phone call, and

    they had accepted and
    approved me to be a

    kidney donor, and it
    had felt like the most

    intense job interview
    process of my entire life,

    and they were offering
    me the position

    to be a living kidney
    donor. I was super

    excited, and I said, okay,
    great, so what's next?

    We just have to wait
    until you find to

    match, and she kind of
    chuckled, and she said,

    oh, that's not going
    to be a problem. You

    just tell us when
    you want to schedule

    surgery, and we will
    have a recipient for you.

    So this was in the
    springtime, and I had

    three kids graduating
    that fall, or that

    summer, and then we had
    a big summer vacation

    planned, and then I
    wanted to get my kids

    settled back into their
    next year of school

    before scheduling
    surgery so I said why

    don't we shoot for like
    early October and she

    said October 1st it
    is so a summer flew

    by as it always does
    and the day finally

    arrived the night before
    the surgery I could

    not sleep a week I
    was just laying wide

    awake in my bed all these
    thoughts going through

    my mind and I started
    to think about

    the recipient and I
    wondered if they were

    feeling how I was
    feeling that night. Were

    they not getting any
    sleep? Were they feeling

    excited and a little
    nervous and finding

    it hard to believe that
    this day had finally

    arrived? I wondered
    how long had they

    been waiting for this
    day to finally arrive.

    And then I started
    thinking about the

    health care team
    that would be taking

    care of me the next
    day. And I thought

    about how, for me, this
    is literally a once

    -in-a-lifetime
    thing. But for them,

    they do this every
    time they go to work.

    And so morning
    finally came. My

    husband and I
    arrived at the

    hospital at 5.30
    in the morning.

    And by 7.30, I was
    on the OR table, and

    they were getting
    me all connected to

    the equipment. I
    could see on the big

    screen all my vital
    signs were displayed,

    and I could hear the
    beeping of my EKG.

    I could hear the
    scrub techs counting

    instruments off to the
    side. And I had my nurse

    here on my right side.
    She was holding my

    hand. the surgeon was
    here at the left and the

    anesthesiologist was
    at my head and he said

    all right it's nap
    time and I said wait

    before you put me to
    sleep and you guys I had

    had I had prepared the
    most amazing speech

    in my head I had so
    many profound things

    like it would have
    brought you to tears if I

    would have shared that
    speech but all I could

    eke out was I just
    want to say thank you.

    And then finally, after
    a sleepless night,

    I was out. So by nine
    o'clock, little Lefty

    Lou, that's what I
    call my left kidney,

    she was all packaged
    up and she was about to

    catch a flight
    headed for Nashville,

    Tennessee. So we had
    arranged a swap so somebody

    at Vanderbilt would
    get my kidney and then

    they would ship a
    kidney here for someone

    local. And I imagine
    once Lefty Lou got all

    installed in her new
    owner, she had a good

    look around and thought,
    whoa, oh my gosh,

    who has been running
    this show around here?

    This will never do.
    And she kicked it

    right into gear and got
    busy filtering away.

    Meanwhile, back here
    in Utah, me and Gary

    Glomeruli, that's my
    right kidney, am the true

    hero of the story, I
    must say. I imagine

    that he woke up and
    was clocking in for his

    day of work and noticed
    pretty quickly that

    things were backing up
    and I am so proud of

    him he had to adapt
    and adjust to his new

    life as a single man
    and he is doing it you

    guys he I'm so proud
    of him yes so I only

    spent one night in the
    hospital I was able to

    get up and walk to the
    bathroom right away

    and then I would just
    kind of increase my

    distance until I could
    walk all the way around

    the unit. And when
    I got home, I would

    kind of walk in circles
    around my yard and

    then around my block and
    kind of increase that

    distance gradually.
    And within two weeks,

    I was back in the gym
    and back coaching my

    fitness class. And
    within about four weeks,

    I was back to work
    full time. And really,

    other than this really
    cool scar, life is

    totally back to normal.
    You would never know.

    So another question
    that people

    usually ask me is,
    who's your recipient?

    What do you
    know about them?

    And the answer is,
    I don't know. So we

    both get to decide
    what information we

    want to share with
    each other. And I did

    send a letter in the
    box with Lefty Lou,

    but I haven't heard
    anything back. And

    that's okay, because
    I know that they're

    going through their
    own complicated health

    care journey and
    making decisions that

    are best for them.
    But even though I

    may never connect
    with my recipient, so

    many people have told
    me about their loved

    one who received a
    kidney transplant.

    So I get to hear so
    many stories of joy.

    So the story
    of Little Lefty

    Lou and Gary is
    really a small

    part of a much
    bigger story.

    back in between 2019
    and 2022 I was the

    manager of an
    emergency department

    and you guys might
    recognize this as the

    COVID era and this
    was a very challenging

    and trying time
    for everyone but

    for those of us in
    health care it really

    changed everything
    and it changed us

    Patients would come
    to us afraid and angry

    and distrustful and
    alone and scared.

    We watched our coworkers
    leave one by one.

    We had to wear protective
    equipment for 12

    or more hours at a
    time. There were no

    more smiles, no more
    hugs, no more potlucks.

    Everything that we
    used to find joy in in

    our jobs, it was rapidly
    diminishing. and it

    was being replaced by
    things like burnout,

    moral injury,
    and caregiver

    fatigue. So we
    had to figure out

    how to feel
    that joy again.

    One of my personal
    heroes is Mr. Rogers,

    and he famously said,
    when you see scary things

    happening in the
    world, look for the

    helpers. You will always
    find people helping.

    Well, we got to be
    the helpers. when

    patients had to come
    into the hospital

    all alone we got
    to be the ones at

    the bedside offering
    them hope and

    comfort and giving
    them a hand to hold

    even though we couldn't
    single-handedly

    end the pandemic we
    could hold a single hand

    and that is where we
    found our joy again

    I couldn't clear the
    waiting list of 100

    ,000 people in the
    United States waiting

    for kidneys every
    year, but I could make

    an immeasurable impact
    in the life of one.

    Amy

    calls herself an ordinary
    person, but I really

    don't think an ordinary
    person would donate

    a kidney. And as
    someone whose father is

    currently going through
    dialysis, thank you

    so much, Amy, from the
    bottom of my heart.
    Donna/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    Our last but not
    least storyteller

    for tonight is
    Donna Bellucci, and

    the Disney villain
    that she most

    resembles is Yzma
    from The Emperor's

    New Groove, which
    I find hysterical.

    Here's Donna.

    Good evening, everyone.

    Tonight, I would
    like to commemorate,

    honor, and thank
    some of our unknown

    co-workers, the
    people whose

    remains are used in
    medical education.

    In particular,
    I want to tell

    you about the
    human bones at the

    Eccles Health
    Sciences Library.

    That's where I work.

    I'm a medical librarian.

    And like most
    libraries, we

    have educational
    materials.

    And in the
    health sciences,

    sometimes there's bones.

    When I started in 2016,
    I loved seeing those

    bones every day. It
    was kind of thrilling,

    because a bone
    is never just

    an artifact or an object.

    It's a person.

    Then, in 2021, my work

    bestie, Carmen Smoot,

    forwarded me an online
    seminar that she knew

    I'd be interested
    in. It was presented

    by Dr. Asia Lanz at
    Harvard, and it was titled

    Uncovering the Roots
    of Racism, a Practice

    in Reading Against
    the Archival Grain.

    Dr. Lanz began the
    presentation by discussing

    her dissertation in
    which she had been

    able to identify
    some of the bones in

    Harvard's archives as
    having been people who

    were enslaved at the
    time of their death.

    While I was reeling
    from the horrors of Dr.

    Lanz's discovery I
    looked past my laptop

    screen and I locked eyes
    with seven skulls and

    for the first time I
    asked them who are you

    I really needed to
    answer that question

    and in my worry I
    ran to my colleague

    Heidi Greenberg who
    had done historical

    research at the
    University of Utah

    and I said Heidi who
    is in our library

    and she said I don't
    know they came from

    the collections
    librarian so I ran to the

    collections librarian
    Christy Jervis and I

    said Christy who's in
    our library and she

    said I don't know they
    came from the anatomy

    department so I
    looked up the anatomy

    department and I figured
    maybe the body donor

    program would be a
    good place to start so

    I emailed the manager
    Kerry Peterson and I

    wrote Mr. Peterson,
    who is in our library.

    And he wrote
    me back, and he

    said, it's a bit
    much to type.

    A phone call would be

    easier. You
    got 10 minutes.

    Carrie Peterson
    is one of the most

    caring and kind people
    I have ever met.

    And I know that
    because he let me keep

    him on the phone
    for over an hour.

    It's what
    started my entire

    journey of discovery.

    So many of you have
    probably heard stories

    about grave robbing
    during the Victorian

    era, and some of you
    may know about the

    turn-of-the- century
    practice of unclaimed

    bodies making their
    way to cadaver labs,

    but you might not
    know that from the mid

    -century to the 1980s,
    medical schools

    actually purchased some
    of their remains from

    medical supply
    companies. The University

    of Utah bought theirs
    from a company in

    Vancouver, and
    those medical supply

    companies, they got
    their remains from India.

    That's because
    India was the only

    country where family
    members could legally

    sell their loved ones
    after they passed

    to these medical
    supply companies.

    In 1984,

    a skull cost
    $80 and could

    be bought by the dozen.

    And I don't know
    what fraction

    of that amount
    actually made

    its way back to
    the families.

    In 1985, it was outlawed.

    Putting a financial
    incentive on

    death had ultimately
    resulted in some

    really terrible
    human behavior.

    There was theft,
    exploitation,

    grave robbing,

    suicides, and what you're

    all thinking, murder.

    Carrie Peterson
    reassured me that all

    of the bones at
    the Eccles Health

    Sciences Library were
    from India, people

    who had likely
    died in the 1970s.

    I say reassured
    because that's

    not where the story ends.

    in the 90s and then into
    early 2000s a mystery

    supply of bones
    started to show up at

    those medical supply
    companies and though they

    would receive an
    entire skeleton it was

    very clear that the
    bones were not all from

    the same person and after
    all of my conversations

    and research both
    myself and many others

    have come to believe
    that those bones are

    likely from the
    cambodian killing fields.

    For those that don't
    know, in the late 70s,

    Pol Pot's brutal
    dictatorship led a

    genocide that murdered
    1.3 million people, and

    their bodies were
    left in over 20,000

    mass graves that you
    can still visit today.

    By the 90s, those
    bodies had decomposed,

    and so now people
    were gathering up

    those bones and they
    were selling them.

    When you encounter
    bones for sale online

    or in so-called
    haunted museums or in

    like oddity stores
    or as Carrie Peterson

    so charmingly called
    them, spook alleys,

    they're all from
    that later supply.

    So at this point
    I got a terrible

    reckoning to make and
    I went to my library

    colleagues, and
    we decided that it

    was time to lay
    those bones to rest.

    We gathered them up,
    and we returned them

    to the anatomy
    department, where they

    were cremated alongside
    that year's cadavers,

    and those ashes
    were placed at the

    memorial in the Salt
    Lake City Cemetery.

    After some ethical
    deliberations

    between a lot of us
    over many departments,

    we decided to keep
    one skeleton made

    up of several
    individuals so that

    they can teach the
    lessons that aren't

    included in the
    anatomy curriculum.

    Lessons like
    consent after death,

    the cost of the
    pursuit of knowledge,

    the long-lasting
    casualties of war,

    existentialism,
    empathy, our own

    mortality, and
    the impact we can

    have even long
    after we're gone.

    Now you may be
    asking yourselves,

    how in the **** is she

    going to bring
    this back to joy?

    well doing right by
    others even those

    long dead brings me
    immense joy and now

    when any of you
    encounter human bones

    whether in viral videos
    online or in spook

    alleys you'll know who
    they are and you'll

    get to share their
    story too because

    a more just world
    is a more joyous one

    and really what
    are all human bones

    but our future selves
    thank you thank

    you donna
    justice is truly

    joyous I'll see
    you next time.
    Emily/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    Our next
    storyteller is Emily

    Erickson, and she
    chose a Disney

    villain that she
    most resembles,

    but she actually
    chose Miss

    Trunchbull from Matilda.

    In her family,
    she says that they

    always joke about
    how all things

    are much too good
    for children.

    Just pretend
    I said that in

    my best Miss
    Trunchbull voice.

    Here is Emily. How

    I regret that I
    told her that.

    sometimes i feel
    like matilda too um

    i'm so excited to
    be here with all of

    you tonight and it
    really helps that

    i can see none of
    you i just see this

    bright spotlight
    shining in my eyes

    um when i first got
    the email about the

    health care stories
    event and um that the

    topic was going to be
    what brings you joy

    in health care i knew
    i wanted to make a

    submission my family
    loves the Moth Radio

    Hour podcasts. I'm
    very familiar with the

    format. But as I was
    thinking about what

    brings me joy in health
    care, I immediately

    started to think of
    so many experiences

    I've had with patients
    over the years.

    I want to tell you
    about one of those

    patients. I'm going
    to call him Kay.

    And when I met Kay,
    the first time I

    met him, we talked a
    little bit about his

    career, a little bit
    about his hobbies

    as we got to know
    each other before we

    got started into
    his medical history.

    And each visit, I'd
    check in with him,

    you know, how's
    your family doing?

    What new adventures are

    you going on traveling?

    And we just had
    a really nice

    relationship that
    developed over

    the time that I
    took care of him.

    And at the end of one
    visit, he said, can I

    show you something? And
    he got a little, his

    face got a little
    excited. And I said, sure.

    and he pulls out his
    phone and he shows me

    a video and it's him
    out on a golf course

    on a beautiful sunny
    day and he's wearing

    Bermuda shorts and just
    looking very relaxed

    and he the video is of
    him sinking a putt from

    over 20 feet away and
    it's a putt for birdie

    and if you're a
    golfer you know that a

    birdie putt is like
    awesome and he was so

    excited about it and we
    just shared that moment

    together and it wasn't
    until I we finished

    the visit and I was
    speaking with our social

    worker who was in the
    room and she said you

    know what I was watching
    him while he was

    watching you watch his
    video and he was so

    excited to show that to
    you and it really made

    him happy and had you
    only glimpsed that

    small little moment of
    us sharing that time

    watching his his video
    of his golf you would

    have just thought oh
    that's a nice you know

    that was a nice moment
    they had but when you

    put it in the bigger
    context of the visit

    when we had been talking
    about some pretty

    heavy things about his
    deteriorating health and

    the need to get started
    with hospice care

    for me it put it
    into perspective that

    we could have this
    type of conversation

    and still end on
    such a positive

    experience together.

    And as I was thinking
    about this patient,

    I realized that
    that truly is my joy

    in health care. It's
    making connections.

    You know, I've been
    an oncology nurse and

    nurse practitioner
    for over 20 years, and

    it's tough and it's
    hard, but it's really

    wonderful. And usually
    when I meet people

    and we're exchanging
    pleasantries,

    what do you do for
    a living? And I tell

    people that I'm
    an oncology nurse

    practitioner their
    face gets a little

    like and they're
    like oh I'm sorry

    that must be really hard
    and I just tell them

    I love it I love taking
    the complexity of

    medicine and you know
    the beautiful lives

    people have and blending
    them together and

    figuring out you know
    a way to move forward

    and I used to tell
    people that you know I

    love my job but if I
    had to be a first grade

    teacher I would like
    poke my eyes out with a

    pencil but then I
    accidentally said it to

    an actual first grade
    teacher so I do not say

    that anymore but I
    love being a nurse

    practitioner I love
    talking with patients when

    I was a brand new nurse
    on a night shift a

    patient had all these
    questions and I was

    like oh you want me to
    answer those questions

    so we I sat down and
    had a really nice

    conversation and we talked
    about the health and

    the medicine side of
    it but we also talked

    about some of his goals
    for the future and

    I didn't think anything
    of it and went on my

    way and the next day
    he told me that our

    conversation really
    helped to clarify some

    things for him and
    helped him make some good

    decisions moving
    forward and that was the

    first time I thought
    hey I'm good at this and

    ever since then I have
    always tried to find

    out something about my
    patient and it could

    be something very simple
    how many kids they

    have or grandkids what
    are they doing for

    the holidays I had a
    patient tell me back

    in the fall how excited
    she was to dress up

    with her grandchildren
    who are into furries

    if you know what that
    is and she was dressing

    up as an aardvark
    and I was like how do

    you do that costume and
    then just recently I

    had a patient tell me
    that she just casually

    mentioned that she had
    lived in the Arctic,

    and I said to her at
    the end of the visit,

    we had a couple minutes
    left, I said, let's

    circle back to that.
    Why were you in the

    Arctic? And she told
    me this really great

    experience she had
    working as a healthcare

    professional in the
    North Pole for two years.

    It was just amazing,
    and I realized that

    as I try and have
    these moments with

    patients we're trying
    to forget for a moment

    where we're at and that
    you're not a person

    with a disease
    you're just a human

    being and we're just
    having this connection

    and as I was preparing
    for this this talk

    the story tonight I
    found a theoretical

    framework a scientific
    framework which if

    you're in like medicine
    and a scientist you

    get really nerdy about
    scientific frameworks

    and the work of
    Barbara Fredrickson she

    calls it micro moments
    of positivity and

    these are moments of
    connection where you feel

    love and that love
    strengthens the connection

    between your brain
    and your heart and

    makes you healthier
    and I loved that yes

    micro moments of
    positivity. That's great.

    When, as Amy was
    talking about earlier,

    the COVID pandemic and
    being in health care

    in general is just
    sometimes tricky and

    there's a lot of burnout
    and people leave.

    And I realized that
    these connections, these

    micro moments, that
    is what brings me

    so much joy. And that
    helps me stay in health

    care and keep doing
    the work that I do.

    I have one more story
    I want to tell you.

    And this was a very big

    surprise story for me.

    Last fall, I was busy,

    extra busy,
    covering a couple of

    extra clinics for
    some colleagues

    who were on
    maternity leave.

    And I didn't know the
    patient panel well.

    And I was just
    getting ready to go

    into a patient's
    room. I'd had about 10

    minutes to prepare
    ahead of time. So I

    just knew about her
    illness and what her

    current treatment was,

    and that was about it.

    And I walked in
    and sat down, and

    through the course
    of our visit, we

    started talking
    about her symptoms.

    And I asked her,
    how is your fatigue

    doing? And she said,
    oh, it's getting

    better. I'm starting
    to bake again. And

    I was like, oh,
    what are you baking?

    She says, I'm making
    cinnamon rolls, and

    I'm selling them at
    a farmer's market.

    And so I was like,
    here's my question.

    What farmer's
    market? And she

    says, oh, the one
    in Hurricane, Utah.

    And I said, oh, my
    grandma lived in

    Hurricane for many
    years. Well, that got her

    interested. So
    then she asked me a

    question. And she says,
    what was her name?

    And I said, her
    name is Verna S.

    And she said, Verna S.

    taught me how to crochet.

    And we were very good

    friends for many years.

    And I really miss her.

    Grandma Verna
    lived to be almost

    100 and died a
    few years ago,

    and I really
    missed her too.

    And so suddenly here
    we are sitting in

    the office, tears
    running down our faces.

    My nurse in the corner is

    like, what just happened?

    But we left that visit

    with smiles on our faces.

    In a world that we're
    living in today, where

    divisions are all
    around us, we each

    need to deliberately
    and intentionally find

    ways to connect with
    our communities, with

    our neighbors, and
    the patients we serve.

    And who knows, maybe
    your connection will

    start with a simple
    question that will lead

    you to your own micro
    moment of positivity.

    Thank you. I

    was telling Emily
    backstage that she

    is the type of hype
    person, you know,

    you're a hype
    woman that I would

    definitely want in
    my corner. So thank

    you so much, Emily,
    for your story.
    Patrick/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    All right, our
    next storyteller

    is Patrick O'Gursey.

    Now, I'm going to admit

    something to you all.

    I didn't think
    he existed.

    I have a reason for
    this. Let's go back.

    I have kind of a
    calendar of events, OK?

    So like two
    weeks ago, I meet

    with Dr. Gretchen
    Case to kind

    of go over the
    event tonight.

    And she said, well,
    I haven't rehearsed

    with Patrick
    yet. And I said,

    OK, we'll just meet
    him at rehearsal.

    And then Monday comes
    around, and he doesn't

    show up. And they
    said, oh, because he

    actually commutes to
    New Mexico. They said,

    okay, all right.

    And then we were
    all supposed to

    come here at 5
    o'clock for a

    sound check, and
    he wasn't here.

    And Dr. Case looks
    at her phone, and

    she says, it's like
    520 at this point.

    And she says, oh,
    he's late, and he's

    coming. and I'm like
    sure yeah if you believe

    it I believe it I
    will say that he does

    exist and he chose
    the question of the

    Disney villain that
    he most resembles well

    actually it was his
    daughter who chose

    it is Tomotoa from
    Moana and her reasoning

    was is that if one
    if you were to become

    a villain it would
    be a goofy singing

    villain so there you
    go here's Patrick I

    do exist.

    All right.
    Hello. Thank you.

    I'm going to talk
    about the sneaky nature

    of joy because I
    think joy is sneaky.

    I think often we
    think joy comes from

    these big moments
    like a new bike or a

    promotion or a perfect
    vacation, and it

    absolutely can come
    from those moments.

    but more often I think
    it comes from seemingly

    random places have
    you ever put on like a

    jacket you haven't
    worn in a long time and

    then you stick your
    hand in the pocket and

    you find that secret
    snack that you left you're

    like whoa a granola
    bar or maybe you're

    like driving and that
    one song comes on you

    just have to like turn
    it up full volume next

    thing you know you're
    singing into the steering

    wheel, you're like,
    I want it that way.

    It's a good song.

    It's because those
    small moments hidden

    in it is joy. And
    when nurtured, it can

    turn into this more
    lasting sense of joy.

    Last year, I bought
    a fart machine,

    like one of those
    little speakers

    that you can
    like slip into a

    pocket and push a
    button, you know.

    I bought it so I
    could use it while I

    was working in the
    emergency department.

    Never with patients and

    only on myself,
    of course.

    I used it when
    I was talking to

    medical students
    or residents or

    nurses or pretty
    much everyone else.

    It took two months
    before somebody finally

    acknowledged the
    noises I was making.

    I got a lot of, like,
    awkward, avoiding eye

    contact and nervous,
    suppressed laughter.

    Finally, someone
    said, hey, do

    you need to
    check yourself in

    and get, like,
    a GI consult?

    I can only imagine
    the rumors that were

    floating around
    about my GI distress.

    And for me,
    it wasn't just

    about, like,
    having a laugh.

    For me, it was
    about showing that

    even in a tough
    environment, joy

    can come from an
    unexpected place.

    So joy can be sneaky
    in another way, too.

    and that's when it
    disappears unnoticed.

    So during the pandemic,
    I burned out hard.

    I think the
    pandemic was tough

    for everyone,
    but for an ER

    doctor, it was
    particularly rough.

    The fear and anxiety
    and anger all

    built up in me and
    before long, I was

    dealing with full
    -blown depression.

    It manifests as like
    being awake at three

    in the morning, glued
    to my phone, not really

    caring what I was
    watching. I'd be like,

    oh, a documentary
    about competitive

    chicken racing. I
    got to watch that.

    And then I'd just
    be doom scrolling.

    And before long,
    I found I didn't

    care much about
    anything anymore.

    Those bitter roads
    became highways.

    And I became a magnet for

    negativity and was
    able to tune out all

    the positive
    things in my life.

    At work, I was just
    kind of phoning it in.

    You know, I might be
    like, on a scale of one

    to ten, tell me how
    bad your pain is, sir.

    Seven?

    Yeah, we'll see.

    It was not the
    most compassionate

    care I've ever delivered.

    While I was going
    through all that,

    I actually remember a
    shift, a moment when

    things started to
    change for the better.

    I had a patient who
    came in by ambulance.

    He was about my
    age, and he came

    in talking, but
    quickly deteriorated.

    Unfortunately, we
    couldn't save him,

    and his wife watched
    from the corner

    of a trauma bay
    in silence as a

    team of doctors,
    nurses, and support

    staff worked hard
    to try to fix him.

    at some point i
    realized there wasn't

    anything more we
    could do for him we

    couldn't help him
    anymore but we could

    help her we brought
    her into the

    conversation which
    is standard practice

    and when everyone
    agreed we withdrew

    care we had a moment
    of silence for him

    for her and for the
    efforts of our team

    and then we left
    her to grieve

    privately at the
    end of my shift

    i circled back
    to that room

    and i found her
    still sitting

    there by his
    side not wanting

    to leave not
    wanting to let go

    and so i sat with
    her and we talked and

    she told me who he
    was he's a father

    a husband and a
    friend And she told me

    that she didn't
    know how to go home

    and tell their
    daughter what happened.

    I sat for the better
    part of an hour

    with this
    complete stranger,

    connected in the
    midst of her tragedy.

    And didn't realize
    at the time that

    it was actually
    healing for me too.

    a year later on the
    anniversary of that

    day she sent food to
    our department which

    is always appreciated
    on a busy shift and

    she sent a letter and
    in that letter she

    thanked me for sitting
    with her she thanked

    me even though we
    couldn't save him I

    never would have
    thought a case like

    that would have
    left me satisfied

    with my efforts,
    but somehow it did.

    It showed me that even

    in the face of a tragedy,

    we could help her
    in some small way.

    I think joy is the
    happiness that doesn't

    depend on what's
    happening around you.

    I think sometimes
    you have to squint

    really hard to see
    that silver lining,

    And sometimes it's
    really only visible

    in the rearview
    mirror, but it's there.

    And then I started
    seeing more of it.

    Like recently,
    I was cooking

    dinner for my 11
    -year-old after

    a late night
    soccer practice.

    It was a healthy meal
    of ramen noodles.

    And the two of
    us stood there in

    the kitchen
    watching this pot of

    water, waiting
    for it to boil.

    And it turns out,
    eventually it does.

    And as we watched, we
    noticed the bubbles

    forming on the
    bottom of the pot and

    kind of gathering,
    coalescing, dancing.

    And we got into
    this deeply nerdy

    conversation
    about the science

    behind liquid
    turning into a gas.

    And burned out
    me probably would

    have missed out
    on that. If I'm

    being honest,
    before the burnout,

    before the pandemic,
    before all of it,

    I might have missed
    it then, too. I

    missed out on that
    tiny, insignificant, yet

    absolutely beautiful
    moment together.

    I think the best joy
    happens unexpectedly.

    For me, it took
    the tragedy of a

    pandemic to realize
    that life is not

    always pink starburst
    all the time.

    Sometimes you get
    a red one, and you

    have to decide if
    you can manage.

    Red is the worst flavor.

    Anyone who says
    differently is wrong.

    It goes pink,
    yellow, orange, red.

    Sorry.

    Joy is unexpected.

    And it can hide in
    those bubbles before

    the boil or the
    snack in your

    pocket or the unexpected
    ****** sounds.

    Or maybe that song you

    just have to belt out.

    Or the silence of
    connecting with

    someone in a
    challenging moment.

    I think sometimes
    you've got to slow down,

    or maybe you
    have to open your

    eyes, or maybe
    you have to squint

    really hard. But
    however you do it,

    if you look for
    it, really look,

    joy can surprise you too.

    Thank you, Patrick.

    I really resonated with

    that, the unexpected joy.
    Phillip/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    Without further ado, I do

    want to introduce
    Phil George.

    Now, as you were
    coming in through the

    lobby, there are some
    illustrations, or

    as he prefers,
    sketches, out there. And

    those are his. He's
    a wonderful artist.

    And if you haven't
    had the time to

    check them out,
    please do before you

    leave. They're a big
    part of his story.

    I also want to mention
    that he will be

    retiring in July. So
    we're very, very glad

    that he's with us
    tonight. and he decided

    to do the question
    what is your

    controversial mundane
    opinion and he said I

    don't really care for
    Chick-fil-a and what's

    even funnier actually
    is that I emailed

    everybody and I
    requested answers from

    them and he emailed
    me back and said I

    do not care for Chick
    -fil-a so you really

    know he doesn't care
    for Chick-fil-A.

    Here's Phil. I

    saw Steve Martin do that.

    I really wanted
    to try it.

    I'm happy to be here.
    I'm glad I broke the

    tension. I did it
    for those people back

    there because we're
    all feeling it and I'm

    happy to have the
    chance to tell my story.

    I worked 30 years
    in the manufacturing

    of food and when
    I had the chance

    to come and work
    for the university

    in the kitchen at
    Nutrition Care Kitchen,

    there was a lot
    of similarities.

    We didn't do like a
    production that went

    to supermarkets. We
    did food that went

    to patients. And the
    difference, the biggest

    difference was the
    customer. The nameless

    person in a supermarket
    picking up a

    half gallon of ice
    cream I produced is

    different than going
    to a patient room.

    And I thought I'd be
    okay with it. But I

    found on the second
    day I was here, I was

    with one of our patient
    representatives,

    and she was
    getting the meal

    orders for the next meal.

    And we were in an ICU
    unit, and the patient

    had a lot of things
    hooked up to them, and

    they also had a trach.
    And in order for

    her to speak what she
    wanted for breakfast,

    she had to put
    her finger over

    the trach so she
    could be heard.

    And I was
    concentrating very hard

    on what was being
    said and how this

    worked, and I
    wanted to be

    understanding this,
    this was new to me.

    And the patient's
    husband spoke up

    and said, hey,
    Lisa, that was the

    rep, what's the
    matter with Phil?

    Why don't he smile?

    And that really
    hit me hard because

    I like to smile.
    I'm always

    smiling. I'm a
    pretty happy guy.

    And I really thought
    you can't go into

    a patient's room and
    not have a smile on

    your face. That became
    number one thing

    I had to do. If I
    went into a patient's

    room, I had to have
    a smile on my face.

    and a little while after
    that I was delivering

    some pancakes I used
    to run late trays

    in the morning and I
    looked at the ticket

    and I knew the name
    on the ticket it was

    somebody from my
    past somebody really

    important to our family
    and I wondered if it

    was this the name was
    the same if it was

    the same person and
    when I went into the

    room he looked at me
    and it was the same

    person he said we know
    who that is we know

    who that is and he
    said to his son what's

    his name and his His
    son didn't know who

    I was, looked at my
    name tag and said,

    that's Phil. He goes,
    that's right, that's

    Phil. That's Phil.
    Okay, we know who he is.

    And I had such
    a desire to do

    something more
    for this person

    than just give
    him pancakes.

    I couldn't figure
    out what that was,

    but I would have
    done anything to make

    him more comfortable.
    I could do that.

    And when I was walking
    away from the room,

    I started thinking
    about all the other

    patient rooms I have
    a chance to go into.

    and I thought you
    know everybody's

    just is somebody that I

    know I just haven't
    met them yet

    and it made me think
    about that movie up

    and the dog Doug in
    the movie could speak

    and when he met Carl
    he said I just met

    you and I love you and
    I decided that that's

    what I needed to do
    when I entered into

    a patient's room I
    had to say to myself

    I just met you and I
    love you and uh that

    was a really good
    way to be. I tried to

    use humor. I tried
    to make people smile.

    I tried to make them
    laugh if possible.

    Sometimes it's not
    possible to do that

    in the hospital,
    but usually I could.

    Usually I could make
    their day a little

    bit brighter, and
    it felt really

    good. It felt like
    something that I

    would have done
    without getting paid,

    and yet I was getting
    paid to do that.

    And when the opportunity
    to go work at the

    Nelson Rehab hospital
    came and I could

    leave a kitchen that
    served 350 patients

    and go to one that
    served between 50 and

    60 patients I jumped
    at that chance to get

    a more relaxed
    atmosphere and the thing

    about the rehab
    hospital is people don't

    come for a few days
    they usually come for

    a few months and
    they're there for a long

    time and you get to
    know them and when we

    were shorthanded
    during the pandemic, I

    was actually doing
    my job as supervisor

    and the job of a patient
    rep. So I was going

    up to the rooms
    every day and getting

    patients' orders and
    getting to know them.

    And there was a lot of
    joy in making friendships

    and stuff, a lot of
    really good feelings

    and a lot of love
    that I felt for the

    patients. There was one
    16-year-old girl who

    would beam a big smile
    at me every time i went

    in she knew i was
    going to say something

    funny but her smile to
    me was the greatest part

    of my day and on an
    occasion i was walking

    at taylorsville day
    and stepped into

    irrigation hole and fell
    i tweaked my back and i

    was having a really
    bad day with my back a

    couple days later and
    when i went into her

    room and she beamed at
    me that smile it healed

    me my back was better
    and I noticed that

    she was filling out
    thank you cards for the

    staff and I thought oh
    no you don't I'm going

    to go make you a thank
    you card first so I

    ran downstairs I had
    some flare pins in my

    desk and we had these
    beautiful orchids in

    the cafe and I drew
    the orchids and I wrote

    her a thank you note
    and I ran up and gave it

    to her before she
    could give me mine and

    told her thank you for
    everything she's done

    for me and she of
    course didn't understand

    what she'd done but I
    felt really good about

    that and I started
    thinking about that and

    when patients would go
    home and I was going

    to miss them but I
    wanted them to go home I

    thought you know what
    I could do I could draw

    a picture for the
    patients and give it to

    them on their last
    day and tell them that

    that's how they're going
    to remember me and we

    had this one very large
    patient from Montana

    who never married he
    had a lot of nephews

    and nieces that would
    come and visit him and

    he was a big outdoor
    types but he was

    paralyzed from the neck
    down and it was a struggle

    and i had long
    conversations with him every

    day and uh we we
    like to talk and uh i

    could make him smile
    and laugh and it was a

    good thing and i thought
    i'm going to draw a

    picture of a buck and
    i uh i drew the picture

    and on his the day
    before he went home i

    took it and showed him
    and i said uncle i drew

    this picture for you
    you take it home and

    hang it on your wall
    and every time you look

    at it you have to
    remember me and that way

    you can remember me
    and he looked so angry

    and so offended and I
    thought oh my gosh what

    have I done and I
    said uncle what's the

    matter and he said
    nobody's ever done anything

    like that for me ever
    in my whole life and

    I knew I was on to
    something I knew it was

    a good thing so I
    started drawing a lot of

    sketches for patients
    and it was not always a

    good a good thing but
    usually was we had a

    little 16 year old patient
    who had hurt himself

    in a trampoline
    accident and he was from

    Reno and his mother
    was single and was

    working two jobs trying
    to raise a family so she

    couldn't be there with
    him so he was all by

    himself in the room
    and he was mired in the

    fact of all the things
    that he wanted to

    do in his life that he
    wouldn't be able to do

    so for him i drew a
    picture of the iron

    giant and i put his
    head on the iron giant

    instead of the iron
    giant's head and i told him

    i said you're young
    go to school become an

    engineer figure out a
    way to make a body or

    to make a brace that
    will allow you to do

    some of the things that
    you don't think you'll

    be able to do and i
    don't know if i if my

    message got to him or
    not but i know i i love

    this kid i went into
    his room one day and

    he'd slipped out of
    his wheelchair and his

    arms were dangling on
    the ground and I was

    horrified I didn't dare
    touch him I called for

    a nurse who just come
    and nonchalantly put

    him back in his chair
    and in my journal I

    was so filled with rage
    about him being alone

    that I decided if I
    could I would quit my

    job and I would put
    myself in the chair by

    his bed and be there
    because he needed support

    and just sometimes
    they just don't have it

    and sometimes is sad
    but I drew that picture

    for him I had a patient
    that was a librarian

    and I decided I'm going
    to draw an owl for

    the librarian she had
    cats I was going to

    draw a cat I thought
    I'll draw an owl and I

    came up and she was
    just getting ready to

    leave for therapy but
    I gave her the picture

    and I said I'll talk
    to you a little later

    after your therapy and
    she looked at me like

    with like surprised with
    shock at the picture

    I gave her and a little
    later I was in the

    elevator and this
    therapist that was there

    the therapists are
    kind of mean she pushed

    me up against the wall
    and she said why did

    you pick an owl for her
    what made you decide

    to draw an owl for her
    and I said I don't know

    librarian owl you know
    and uh when I went

    to see the patient
    later she told me the

    story that the day before
    accident she was in

    Oregon with her niece
    and her niece's husband

    and they were walking
    this wooded path and

    the niece's husband
    said that there's lots

    of owls in this area
    and to see one is very

    lucky but to make eye
    contact with one during

    the day is considered
    by the natives to be

    the most luck you could
    ever have and she was

    on this trail and she
    heard a rustling of

    feathers and she turned
    and looked and an owl

    was there and it
    swirled its head all the

    way around and made eye
    contact where she held

    it for at least 60
    seconds with that owl

    before her niece and
    her husband came and

    scared it off and she said
    it just was so amazing

    the owl seemed so
    important to me with

    this accident that you
    would draw that for me

    i don't know i had a
    patient that always

    ate cantaloupe breakfast
    lunch and dinner

    so of course i drew a
    picture of a cantaloupe

    for her i had a
    patient that was from

    new orleans so i drew
    a jazz band it was

    a hard drawing but I
    really thought it was

    good when it was
    over I had a patient

    that loved the Mexican
    soccer team so I drew

    a picture of his
    favorite soccer player

    on the pitch and
    he's always the first

    person to like anything
    I post on Instagram

    another Instagram
    experience I had was there

    was a skater girl
    and I drew I found I

    went to her instagram
    kind of stalked her

    and found a picture a
    video of her skateboarding

    and i captured a
    image from it and

    sketched that and she
    was so happy she put

    in her story and she
    commanded all her

    followers to follow me
    and i got 26 followers

    the next day really
    worked out good for me

    there was a patient
    that ran a a dog or i

    don't know if it was
    a school for dogs or

    because she was raising
    dogs but she uh she was

    from Oregon and I
    looked on her Instagram

    I found a picture of
    her dog with a ball in

    its mouth and I thought
    oh I'm gonna sketch

    that and when I was
    sketching I had the

    thought maybe the dog
    was in the accident with

    her maybe the dog was
    killed in the accident

    maybe this is a mistake
    but I was so far

    along I had to finish
    it and I gave it to

    her and she cried and
    cried because she missed

    her pal so much and I
    told her what I felt

    about her the dog been
    in the accident she

    goes the dog was in
    the accident but the

    dog is fine but even
    if the dog wasn't fine

    this picture means so
    much to me and she comes

    and visits me every
    time she comes to utah

    to get her wheelchair
    adjusted i uh drew

    a lot of pictures there
    was a very colorful

    man and i drew i used
    color i don't use color

    often but i did a
    dragonfly in watercolors

    and the next day when
    I went to see him

    he said you googled the
    meaning of butterfly

    or dragonfly and I
    did and I read the

    meaning out loud to
    him he goes that's

    me 100% how did you
    know I was a dragonfly

    and it was always
    really gratifying

    to give the patients
    the pictures if I

    drew a patient's dog
    they always cried

    they always cried
    and I sometimes cried

    And at the end,
    when they're going

    home and I tell
    them they had to

    remember me, I
    would thank them

    for everything
    they'd done for me.

    And they would always
    argue with me, no, no,

    we haven't done anything
    for you. What have

    we done for you? You
    can't tell me we did

    anything for you.
    You're the one that came

    in here and served us
    and took care of us.

    And I would say, there's
    a comforting thought

    at the close of the
    day when I'm weary and

    lonely and sad that
    sort of gets into this

    crusty old heart and
    bids me be merry and

    glad it gets in my soul
    and it drives out the

    blues and it finally
    thrills me through and

    through it's just as
    we thought that chanced

    the refrain i'm glad
    i touched shoulders

    with you did you know
    you were strong did you

    know you were brave
    did you know you were

    there when i aired did
    you know that i waited

    and listened and prayed
    and was cheered by

    your simplest word did
    you know that i long

    for the smile on your
    face for the sound of

    your voice ringing true
    did you know I grew

    better and braver because
    I had merely touched

    shoulders with you I'm
    thankful I live that

    I battle I strive for
    the place that I know

    I must fill I'm
    grateful for heartache I

    meet with a grin what
    fortune must send good

    or ill I may not have
    wealth and I may not

    be great but I know I
    will always be true for

    I have in my heart the
    courage you gave when

    once I touch shoulders
    with you thank you

    whenever I tell
    that poem people

    say I gotta give
    me a copy of that

    so if you stop me
    after the show I

    have copies of it
    if you want his

    sketches are truly
    wonderful please

    ask him what his
    Instagram handle is

    we need to smash hit
    punk kick whatever

    kids say these
    days and really

    raise his following
    y'all okay Okay.
    Sashi/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    Our next storyteller
    is Sashi Goteti,

    and the Disney villain

    that he most resembles

    in his worst
    moods is, oh,

    Jawas from Star Wars?

    Okay, seems like some
    of you recognize him.

    Tell me later about him.

    Hello everyone, wow,
    what a wonderful stage

    to share with such
    amazing storytellers.

    And thank you
    for the few that

    laughed at the
    Star Wars joke.

    There'll be some
    Lord of the Rings

    references in here
    too, so please shout

    out if you know what
    I'm talking about.

    So this is a
    healthcare story

    of a healthcare provider,

    and our journey
    started in 2019 when my

    wife Nidhi and I moved
    to Oregon to start

    my pediatric
    hematology and oncology

    fellowship, and we
    fell in love with the

    Pacific Northwest. We
    loved going on hikes,

    we allowed camping,
    we allowed our

    strolls by the river,
    and in that moment,

    joy to us was
    exploring what nature

    had to offer. Joy
    was discovering

    each other in the
    midst of nature.

    And this was a
    few years after we

    got married, and
    we started having

    discussions about
    starting a family.

    And as a pediatrician,
    I was excited, a

    little bit nervous,
    but Nidhi, on the other

    hand, was not so
    excited, and for good

    reasons. She has a few
    cousins with developmental

    disorders and medical
    issues, so she

    has seen the plight
    of her cousins

    firsthand, and not only
    her cousins, but also

    the way her aunts
    and uncles would deal

    with the suffering of
    the children on a daily

    basis so she was
    not so sure about it

    but as a pediatrician
    I said hey those are

    not inheritable
    conditions so it doesn't

    run on the family
    and we should have a

    positive outlook and I
    told myself that I'm a

    pediatrician I can
    handle medical issues

    and there was a small
    voice in my head

    that said don't get
    too ***** and and

    with some reassurances
    we decided to

    have a family, and
    it was a difficult

    pregnancy. It was
    during the pandemic,

    there was loneliness,
    there were pregnancy

    difficulties, but Nidhi
    pulled through it.

    And the moment when
    our daughter, Adia,

    was born, it is one
    of the most precious

    moments in our lives.
    And for many of us,

    life is, you know,
    before children and after

    children, and it was
    no different for us.

    And if you can think
    about your memories

    as pictures, which is
    what it is for most of

    us, but for us and
    for me in particular,

    my memory was not
    moments of pictures

    that you can
    compile together

    and think about
    it for a moment.

    But for me, it was a
    slow motion video with

    Adia being born and
    then the doctor handing

    her over to Nidhi.
    And the look I saw on

    Nidhi's face is something
    I can never forget

    it was a moment of pure
    love it was a moment

    of pure joy it was
    unexpected because

    Nidhi would tell me
    after seeing the pictures

    that I took of her
    that even she did not

    expect that she would
    react in such a way I

    mean I didn't know what
    she was expecting but

    um but there there
    you go it was a moment

    that was that's been
    etched in our memories

    so joy in that moment
    was starting a beautiful

    family together and
    unfortunately the

    happiness took a speed
    bump and Adia our

    daughter started to
    show developmental

    delays and some other
    medical symptoms that

    needed attentions so
    naturally we saw our

    pediatrician or
    subspecialists medical

    genetics, and no one was
    quite able to diagnose

    Adya, and Adya, also
    being cheeky, would

    start catching up to
    her milestones, and

    then she would slow
    down, and then she would

    catch up, and then
    she would slow down.

    So, playing
    this, you know,

    cat and mouse chase,

    again, reassured
    Nidhi that maybe Adya

    is following her
    own trajectory.

    She's following her
    own path, and once

    again, we have to
    be positive given

    that we checked
    off a lot of boxes.

    So once again
    Nidhi was reassured

    but now she had a
    thought in her mind

    or a gut feeling
    as she would say

    that something
    didn't quite add up.

    But we went through and
    then cut to 2022 when

    we just moved to Utah
    to start my faculty

    job and that's when
    things really derailed.

    Adhya began to regress.

    She started
    showing symptoms of

    seizures, and I just
    sunk. I told myself,

    what did I do?
    What did I miss?

    What else could we
    have done? What other

    subspecialists should
    I have consulted?

    Now, this is me being a
    pediatric subspecialist,

    and it wasn't an
    easy time for us, but

    I had to act. So I
    reached out to our

    colleagues here at the
    U. This was even before I

    started my practice, and
    they were so generous

    in seeing Adhya at
    a very short notice.

    And it was
    during our second

    medical genetics
    consultation when

    Adhya's diagnosis
    was revealed.

    Hypomelanosis of ITO.

    It's a mouthful.

    I think I heard
    of it when I was a

    pediatric resident,
    but it's such a rare

    condition. So
    naturally, I researched,

    I looked it up, and
    not just a Google

    search, but a proper
    literature search,

    and unfortunately,
    it's a condition that's

    not curable, and I tried
    to, again, look for

    reassurances, look for
    a little bit of hope

    to see, you know,
    how severe is this

    condition, and it can,
    thankfully, range from

    mild to severe symptoms,
    including seizures,

    severe autism,
    developmental delays,

    endocrine abnormalities,

    skeletal abnormalities,

    and unfortunately,
    we started

    to see Adya worsening.

    so where does one find
    joy in such a time

    what does joy even
    mean the reassurances

    that i gave me came
    back to haunt me

    and where does one
    where does one find

    joy when your
    reassurances just fall off

    the cliff but i had
    to stay strong i

    had to find answers
    and this is where the

    lord of the Rings
    reference comes in.

    In The Fellowship
    of the Ring,

    Frodo Baggins wishes
    he never received

    the one ring, to
    which Gandalf says,

    so do all who live
    to see such times,

    but that is not
    for them to decide.

    All we have to
    decide is what to do

    with the time that
    is given to us.

    And that phrase grounded
    me along with the

    meditation practice
    of vipassana where

    one's goal is to keep
    their mind in equanimity

    so in balance and
    not being swayed

    too much whether
    you're too happy or too

    sad but to remain
    balanced so that you can

    think clear you can
    come up with solutions

    that are appropriate
    to that situation.

    It's easier
    said than done.

    Some people meditate
    for years, and

    they still get too
    excited or too happy

    or too sad, but
    it's a practice that

    once again kept
    coming back to me.

    And as this was
    happening, I also

    started a career as a
    pediatric hematologist

    at the UN at
    Primary Children's.

    And I noticed that
    my encounters with my

    patients and my
    families changed. It

    actually transcended.
    And I could actually

    see my patients and
    my families through

    their struggles,
    through their worries.

    And in one such
    situation, I was the only

    provider who had to
    deliver a very, very

    unfortunate diagnosis to
    a patient with cancer.

    And And the
    patient's cancer

    potentially came back.

    And I'm not a
    practicing oncologist,

    but I was the
    only provider

    available with
    some experience.

    And this was a
    family that's been

    battling cancer for
    over four years.

    And I told myself, how
    am I going to deliver

    this news with any
    amount of humility?

    how is this family
    going to trust me during

    this difficult
    conversation and I was

    right it was a very
    difficult conversation

    that went for over an
    hour the family was

    obviously terrified
    they were angry and they

    did not trust me and
    I had good reasons

    because I was a complete
    stranger to them.

    But at the end
    of that one-hour

    conversation, some of
    my team members told

    me that that was
    probably the best

    conversation based
    on that situation.

    But I was not
    happy with that.

    I was not happy
    as a provider.

    I was not happy
    as a parent.

    So I went back to this
    patient's room, and

    the patient was sleeping.
    And so I spoke with

    this parent heart to
    heart and I told this

    parent with words that
    I cannot repeat here

    that it is a very
    terrible situation that

    they're in and I
    completely acknowledge that

    and I told them how
    inspirational they

    were as fierce advocates
    for their child and

    then I told them about
    Adia and how I, too,

    am a parent of a child
    with medical issues.

    And as I was saying
    those words, I

    could see their
    eyes widen. I could

    see their shoulders
    dropping. I could

    see the burden
    releasing slowly.

    And I could read their

    mind. So you
    do understand.

    So you do understand
    what it is to have

    a child and a child
    with medical issues.

    So that ended up being

    a two-hour conversation.

    Some tears were shed,

    some hugs were shared.

    And I came out of
    that room with joy,

    not because I cured the

    child of the disease,

    but because I was able to

    communicate what
    I really wanted to

    from the bottom
    of my heart.

    And that is
    how I practiced

    medicine from
    since Adhya was

    diagnosed till
    a few hours ago.

    Adya has made me a
    better human being.

    She has given
    me joy in taking

    better care of
    my patients that

    I could have
    never imagined.

    And the same goes
    to Nidhi as well.

    With the vicissitudes
    of life that has

    come at Nidhi's
    feet, as a career

    -driven person, she
    had to let go of many

    things to take care
    of Adia at home.

    But she's giving
    back to the community

    by volunteering at our
    local autism group,

    by volunteering at
    our local library,

    because we received
    so much support

    from our community
    that it's only fair,

    and there's a lot of
    joy in giving back.

    So Adia has made
    both Nidhi and I much

    better human beings.
    So joy in that

    situation is in giving
    back, is in helping

    others, is in being
    better people.

    Now Nidhi asked me
    to remind everyone

    why we named our
    daughter Adya.

    Adya, or Adi Shakti,
    resembles the first

    energy that God
    released into the

    cosmos in the form
    of a warrior goddess.

    And we wanted our
    daughter to be

    strong, to be
    courageous, to be

    fearless, but also
    to be kind and just.

    And believe me when I

    say she's all of that.

    She's three and a half
    years old now, and

    she takes her medicines
    without any issues.

    She gets sedated
    from her eyes without

    crying. She adjusts to
    all the changes that

    life has to throw at
    her without too much

    crankiness and that
    shows how much strength

    she has and that in
    turn gives us strength

    as parents and with
    Adya's neurodiversity

    there are many
    moments of loneliness

    because she doesn't
    quite fit anywhere

    and as parents we
    don't quite fit into

    the general society
    but when you look

    harder you will
    find people as Nidhi

    does. She is the
    first to stop and ask

    parents if they need
    any help with their

    children. She is the
    first to volunteer.

    So Adia is not
    alone but in fact

    she is the beacon
    of hope for people

    who are different.

    And so in this moment and

    through eternity
    joy is Adia.

    Thank you very much.

    Adia, what a beautiful
    name and tribute it's

    definitely a word that
    I will never forget
    Ending/Health Care Stories 2025
    Transcription
    We are so incredibly
    lucky to have

    heard varying modalities
    of joy tonight.

    And I also want to
    thank you, Dr. Case,

    and the rest of the
    team for not only

    letting me be your
    emcee tonight,

    but also partake of
    this wonderful event

    and hearing all the
    stories tonight.

    Thank you, Kathy. So

    we hope as you
    listen to the stories

    tonight, you listen
    not to only the

    individual stories,
    but you thought

    about connections
    between them and

    connection to all
    of our own stories.

    there's always a
    connection, no matter

    what kind of fracture
    or break or painful

    gap you might be
    feeling in your life

    right now or in the
    world right now.

    Among all those
    divides and divisions,

    there's always some
    way of connecting.

    So we always end the
    show with talking

    about what next
    year's theme is

    going to be, and
    we'll have a call for

    stories early next
    fall. We hope some

    of you will think
    about submitting.

    Next year's theme
    will be Together.

    With that, I
    would like to call

    all our storytellers
    back out on

    stage for a final
    round of applause

    if you'll help me
    welcome them out. You

    can do whatever you want.

    Thank

    you all so much for
    coming tonight. It's been

    my honor to work with
    these folks who are

    not professional
    storytellers, though you

    might have been fooled
    by how good they were.

    I've enjoyed getting
    to know them. I

    hope you have too.
    They will exit out the

    stage door in a few
    minutes and you may

    greet them and shower
    them with further

    praise. So thank
    you all for being

    here tonight. Think
    about telling your

    story next year and
    have a great evening.

    On February 1, 2024, the Resiliency Center and the Center for Health Ethics, Arts, and Humanities presented the sixth in the series of Healthcare Stories at Kingsbury Hall. This year’s theme was “Promise.” Stories addressed imagined futures, potential pathways, new opportunities, vows, commitments, and moments of growth, as well as journeys that took unexpected detours and relationships that changed.

    Rodriguez/Health Care Stories 2024
    Transcription
    Also, crucially, Jose
    serves as Associate

    Vice President for
    Health, Equity, Diversity,

    and Inclusion here
    at University of

    Utah Health. But I just
    have to say that Jose

    and the work his office
    does is absolutely

    the cornerstone of
    everything we do here

    at University of
    Utah. It is vital for

    ensuring that every
    patient that comes to

    the doors receives the
    best possible care.

    Jose has a lot of
    stories to tell.

    His sad hustle is
    that he wants to be

    an author. And in
    fact, I might have

    heard a rumor that
    you may have the

    opportunity to publish
    something soon.

    So, while we're
    waiting for Jose's

    next book, please
    welcome to the stage.

    Jose Rodriguez.

    Now, if I knew
    that so many people

    would be here, I
    would have brought

    the book and
    sold it tonight.

    So, I'm delighted
    to be here with

    you. And I'm going
    to share a story that

    happened a long
    time ago, but that

    lives in me right
    this very second.

    Like it was mentioned,
    I'm a family dog.

    And I did my residency
    in the Bronx.

    Let's hear it
    for the Bronx.

    In Montefiore
    Medical Center, I did

    a residency
    program called the

    Residency Program
    in Social Medicine.

    It was a special
    program. It was a

    time for great
    growth for me. The

    thing about it,
    though, was that when

    we served on
    inpatient units, the

    residents actually
    served in pairs.

    And so essentially,
    I had a practice

    partner the
    entire time I was

    in residency. And
    his name was David

    Ilhae, and a
    wonderful partner.

    Now, David and
    I went through

    the internship
    year, hard.

    And then, you know,

    day after the internship
    ends, you are the

    senior resident on
    the inpatient floor.

    Different from
    other services,

    we shared our service.

    And so, as
    senior residents,

    sometimes we were
    there together,

    but on the days that
    David had clinic,

    I was there by
    myself with the

    interns, and on
    the days that I had

    clinic, David was
    there by himself.

    And on this particular

    day, David was at clinic.

    David and I had
    kind of an unspoken

    agreement, a
    promise, if you will,

    that we would take
    care of the patients,

    we would take care
    of each other.

    and we would take
    care of the interns

    and as new second
    year residents we

    took over a floor
    of 26 beds and i

    remember a patient
    we'll call him joe

    joe was from harlem
    he was a father

    three kids he was a
    husband he was a son

    he was a black man and
    he was sick as ****

    Joe had this thing
    called Steven Johnson

    Syndrome which essentially
    is a hypersensitivity

    and allergic reaction
    that you can treat

    if you know what the

    person is
    hypersensitive to

    so we were treating
    him for this skin

    reaction Steven
    Johnson Syndrome is

    kind of difficult
    to watch because it

    causes these boils
    and the skin actually

    dies and it's very
    painful for the patient.

    But we were
    treating him and

    Joe wasn't
    getting better.

    And the problem
    was that Joe

    would be there
    and he would slip

    in and out of
    consciousness.

    Now Joe wasn't his 30s,
    he was a young man.

    And so in talking
    with the senior

    physicians on the floor,
    we decided that we

    needed to see if
    something else was

    going on because this
    skin reaction should

    not cause him to
    lose consciousness.

    So we decided we
    were going to do a

    CAT scan, an examination
    of his brain.

    The rule is that when
    a sick patient has

    to go across the
    hospital to radiology,

    that patient is
    accompanied by a physician.

    As a senior resident, it

    was my job to
    send somebody,

    and I could have
    sent an intern.

    But I chose to go.

    I think now that
    the reason I chose

    to go was, well,
    I don't think you

    choose the newest
    member of the team

    who knows the
    least to take care

    of the patient that
    needs the most.

    So I asked the
    interns to stay on the

    floor, watch the
    other patients,

    and I would go with
    Joe to radiology.

    we got to radiology

    Joe's breathing changed

    and his breathing was
    that kind of breathing

    that you see when
    people are about to die

    and it came on suddenly
    and it shocked me

    and I got scared if

    somebody can't breathe

    you have the
    opportunity to call her

    for help and so scared
    as I was I called

    for help I called
    the code, and when

    that code goes over
    the loudspeakers,

    people rushing through
    all over the place.

    They come with tubes
    to put in people's

    mouths, they come
    with medicine, and

    everybody tries to
    help the patient.

    Joe was inside
    of the CAT scan

    machine when
    all this went

    on, so we had
    to pull him out.

    And I came in and I was
    pushing on the chest,

    and we did everything
    to keep him alive.

    but we failed

    and Joe died right
    in front of me

    he was dead, I
    knew I had to

    start telling people
    so first I called

    David and I said,
    David I need your

    help as soon as you
    get out of clinic,

    please come back
    we lost a patient

    I called our supervising
    physician Rita

    said the same thing

    and then I went upstairs
    to tell his family

    they were sad, they cried

    They were
    grateful that we

    tried to help
    them, and then I

    left because I
    was called away.

    But I felt horrible.

    I felt like

    me.

    I decided to go to
    residency in the Bronx

    because the Bronx
    was a great idea. The

    Bronx at the time had
    1.4 million people,

    and I swear 1.3 million
    of those people were

    Puerto Rican like me,
    or black, or both.

    And I knew from
    personal experience,

    although I didn't
    have the words, that a

    lot of people, due
    to their appearance,

    got substandard care.

    Back then we didn't
    call them health

    disparities Because
    there was no

    There was no scientific
    language around

    it But it was a
    personal experience

    But I knew that
    if I could be

    a physician in
    a place like

    that I could
    make a difference

    And it was part
    of my promise That

    when I chose family
    medicine That I

    was going to work
    in that population

    To make healthcare
    outcomes better

    and yet here I
    was with a black

    patient who likely
    had terrible

    treatment before
    he came to see us

    and I failed him

    Rita

    came just a few minutes
    after David came

    and instead of coming
    to talk to us she

    went straight to the
    family and expressed

    her grief and her
    condolences to the family

    and after talking
    to the family

    she came to
    talk to me told

    me a couple of things
    that I still remember

    today and one of them
    was you know, I said

    this is a horrible thing

    and I'm sorry that
    you had to live

    through it but this
    is part of your job

    and whether you
    go over it in your

    head a million times
    to find out what

    you did wrong or
    what you could have

    done better it's
    not going to matter

    because it's not going

    to change the outcome

    and she also said
    I want you to

    be sure that when
    you leave here

    that you know
    that this was a

    bad no I didn't
    believe her and I left

    the next few
    weeks were very

    difficult for me
    I couldn't focus

    now

    part of that is
    because I got ADD

    right but the
    other part of it

    is is that I was
    breathing and I became

    frightened to do my
    job and you know you

    have to do things
    that have some risk

    even when you stick a
    needle in somebody's

    vein to take blood
    that has risks and I

    didn't want to do
    anything because I was

    so scared I was going
    to hurt somebody

    and it was affecting
    my performance.

    My residency program
    Dr. Victoria Gorsi

    called me into her office

    said we need to talk

    I can see you're having
    a rough time I have

    an assignment for you
    I'm like I hate homework

    but if you have
    something that'll help

    I'll do it

    she said

    here's an address

    and a time and a date

    and I want you to go
    to Joe's funeral I

    can help

    but I said I'll
    do it if you

    think it'll
    help I'll do it

    i was scared i felt
    responsible for this

    man's death and i
    thought my goodness if i

    show up at that place
    they're going to be

    furious and i'm
    they're going to be how

    could i how dare i show
    up in that moment of

    grief so i called
    david i said david i

    have an assignment i
    need you to come with

    me and he did i was a
    little worried about

    it because you know
    david was white I was

    Puerto Rican and we
    were going to Harlem

    My father used to
    tell wonderful stories

    About his time in Harlem
    So I wasn't scared

    But I was worried
    about David

    We got to the To the
    subway station And

    we got in the train
    in the Bronx We

    came down I processed
    things by talking

    So I talked to David
    a lot on the way

    down there And I
    expressed him my concerns

    Because I felt so
    guilty about this

    And we finally got
    to the church And we

    went in And people
    are looking at us, and

    we introduced ourselves
    as Joe's physicians,

    and we expressed
    our deep sympathies

    and condolences for
    their loss. People

    looked at us, and I
    was expecting to hear

    that they were unhappy
    with us, but every

    single person in that
    room came up to us

    and gave us a hug,
    and they embraced us.

    They were
    astonished. They told

    us they had never
    ever seen anything

    like that, that
    a physician would

    go to somebody's
    funeral. Near

    the end of the
    service, the

    person who was
    directing actually

    asked David
    and I to speak.

    I have no idea
    what I said.

    But I remember
    how I felt.

    That long subway ride
    home, I was telling

    David all the stuff and
    how wonderful it was

    and how magnificent
    Joe's family was and

    how I can't believe
    and how relieved I was.

    That changed my career.

    You know, I felt

    responsible for
    Joe's death.

    And I didn't
    want to go to the

    funeral, but
    it changed me.

    Now when I have
    a patient that

    dies in my care,
    whether I'm there

    when they die or
    whether I hear

    about it through
    email or whatever,

    if I know what the
    funeral is, I go.

    And I go because I
    have this fantasy that

    I am going to comfort
    the family of my

    deceased patient, and
    yet almost uniformly,

    the person who gets
    comforted is me.

    Now, I knew a long
    time ago that when

    I took this career
    on, that I wanted

    to do good things
    for patients. And I

    knew that when I had
    an opportunity to

    do something unusually
    good for patients,

    I should jump at
    that opportunity.

    And before Joe,
    I knew it here.

    But after But Joe,

    those words were
    engraved on my head.
    Vukin/Health Care Stories 2024
    Transcription
    Good evening, everyone.

    I'm so honored to
    be here to share my

    story, both as a patient
    and as a physician.

    I want to talk about
    what it's like to

    have unexplained
    symptoms and how that

    shaped my relationship
    with medicine.

    I want to start
    off by saying this

    is not a case
    of misdiagnosis.

    This is my story
    of coming to terms

    with my own self
    -doubt and growing

    up as a child of
    modern medicine.

    My story spans 20 years.
    I'm a pediatrician

    and a parent,
    so I'm going to

    relate my story to a
    coming-of-age story.

    It was either that
    or to liken it to the

    different eras of
    Taylor Swift's music,

    and while I know
    a lot about Taylor

    Swift's music, I
    figured the growing up

    analogy would be
    more familiar to you.

    I'm going to
    walk you through

    how my change in mindset,

    much like how our
    mindsets change

    about our parents
    as we grow up,

    helped me move through
    the fear, frustration,

    and anger that comes
    with being undiagnosed,

    and then being
    diagnosed with scary

    diseases, to come to a
    place of understanding.

    I want to start
    by talking

    about autoimmune disease.

    If you're comfortable
    sharing, can

    I have a show of
    hands of who in

    this room has an
    autoimmune disease?

    Those are diseases
    like lupus,

    MS, inflammatory
    bowel disease.

    We're like the
    poster children of

    unexplained
    symptoms, am I right?

    Now, can I ask you
    to raise your hand if

    you know someone with
    an autoimmune disease?

    wow there are over 100
    autoimmune diseases

    one in 15 people
    has an autoimmune

    disease these diseases
    affect multiple

    organ systems but
    are largely invisible

    they are lifelong
    they're incurable

    and we don't
    understand them

    i've been diagnosed
    with three

    Two of them being quite
    rare. So in the world

    of, if you hear
    hoofbeats, think horses,

    not zebras, I think
    that makes me a unicorn.

    What is autoimmune
    disease?

    Our immune system
    is our defense. Its

    job is to seek out
    foreign things like a

    splinter or virus
    and get rid of them.

    Autoimmune disease
    happens when a

    person's immune system
    mistakes healthy

    tissue for the enemy
    and attacks it.

    What are some
    of the symptoms

    of autoimmune disease?

    well there are the vague

    and there are the weird

    vague means uncertain
    of character

    or meaning you as
    a patient you don't

    know how to
    describe it and as a

    doctor you don't
    know what it means

    fatigue which is
    extreme exhaustion

    malaise a general
    feeling of being

    unwell brain fog
    which impairs

    your ability to
    think mood changes,

    irritability,
    depression, anxiety.

    Wait, are you
    worried you might

    have an autoimmune
    disease?

    Okay, can we add
    muscle aches,

    joint pain,
    neurologic symptoms,

    GI symptoms,
    skin changes?

    And all these
    things don't happen

    at once. They come
    and go over time.

    Weird, on the other

    hand, means very unusual.

    They catch people's
    attention, and

    they're a good clue
    to a diagnosis.

    Those are the ones
    that make TV shows.

    The average person
    with autoimmune

    disease sees
    six doctors over

    10 years before
    being diagnosed.

    My whole life I have had

    vague and weird symptoms.

    Although the vague
    ones have affected

    my life the
    most, it's the

    weird ones that
    got me a diagnosis.

    the first time i
    had vague weird

    symptoms i was 20
    in a pre-med in

    college for months
    i was exhausted

    but i was trying to
    get into med school

    i fell asleep in
    all of my classes

    i fell asleep
    while driving and

    crashed my car that
    did not prompt me to

    see the doctor the
    weird symptom did

    I developed a
    purple web-like rash

    covering my lower
    arms and legs,

    ****** reticularis.

    I go to the doctor.
    I have some tests.

    I get diagnosed
    with lupus.

    In this coming-of-age
    story as a doctor,

    I'm a child,
    and I'm being

    raised by my
    parents, medicine.

    I go to my parents
    when I'm sick. I

    get comforted. I get
    fixed. I think my

    parents know
    everything, and I want

    to be just like
    them when I grow up.

    the next time i'm 24
    year old beth and a

    third year medical
    student i'm exhausted

    then the weird
    rash is back a few

    months later another
    weird symptom

    i developed a
    wrist drop and then

    a foot drop
    mononeuritis multiplex

    this time as a med
    student i was like

    no problem surrounded
    by like a hundred

    doctors they're
    going to figure it

    out. These people know
    what they're doing

    and I'm training
    to be one of them.

    It took many months
    and many tests and many

    doctors. So like a
    teenager, I hear what

    the doctors are saying,
    but I'm also like,

    really? Do you have any

    idea what you're doing?

    But as healthcare
    professionals, we

    know that diagnosis
    can be a multi

    -stage process, but
    I got a diagnosis,

    polyarteritis nodosa.

    20 years go by. These

    are my doctoring years.

    Learning from
    people and their

    stories and not
    just from books.

    Remembering what
    the textbooks say

    and then getting
    frustrated when it

    doesn't actually
    happen that way.

    During that time,
    my relationship

    with medicine evolved.
    I saw over and

    over that medicine
    is complicated

    and we don't always
    know the answers.

    I'm a pediatric
    hospitalist.

    You know what can get you

    admitted to the hospital?

    Prolonged, vague symptoms

    that no one can explain.

    Also the weird ones.

    I've spent my
    career trying

    to explain the
    unexplainable.

    I've heard over
    and over, we're not

    leaving until we
    know what's going on.

    And when people
    hear there is no

    explanation, they
    think a few things.

    Parents think,

    these doctors don't

    know what they're doing.

    Patients think,

    they don't believe me.

    They can't help me.

    Maybe my symptoms
    aren't real.

    Doctors question
    their abilities

    and they feel
    powerless to help.

    And what about
    me? Was I having

    symptoms during
    that 20-year span?

    Yeah, the vague ones
    and a lot of weird ones

    that no one can explain,
    but at this point

    I have multiple autoimmune
    diseases, right?

    Now I'm an adult here
    in the house of medicine

    and we have conversations
    about things.

    With my doctors, we
    diagnose me as having

    major depression and
    an eating disorder.

    Talk about doubting
    my own thoughts

    and the way I
    feel in my body.

    Treatment for
    those helped a lot.

    But for the past
    three years, I

    felt like there was
    something wrong.

    I saw doctors. I asked

    friends who were doctors.

    All of my tests are

    normal every single time.

    Also, my symptoms
    of fatigue, brain

    fog, muscle
    aches, joint pain,

    those are all
    diagnosed as being a

    middle-aged working
    mom by society.

    Can I just say
    that it's really

    hard to go to the doctor?

    Especially for me
    as a doctor, when

    I go to the doctor,
    I want to be right

    that I needed to
    go to the doctor.

    I don't want to be
    wrong and worse,

    not have anything,
    because then it

    feels like I don't
    know enough to

    know when there's
    something wrong with

    me, and I've wasted
    people's time.

    Now I'm in that
    unexplainable category.

    Mostly, I think
    my symptoms aren't

    real. I guess
    this is stress.

    This is somatic.

    I guess I am just tired.

    Maybe I'm just
    getting older.

    I stopped
    believing myself.

    Then, aha, two
    years ago, a weird

    symptom. My hands
    got puffy and my

    forearms got really
    tight and swollen.

    Yes, a physical
    sign and a weird

    one. We can
    figure this out.

    I read and I think,
    I have scleroderma.

    Good thing I have
    a rheumatologist.

    And I've seen this
    doctor for years and I

    message him and he
    sees me right away. He

    does a history and an
    exam and then he says,

    now why do you think
    you have scleroderma?

    And I say, well
    my hands are puffy

    and my forearms
    are swollen. Do you

    have other things in
    your differential?

    Because scleroderma
    is all I got.

    To which he said, your

    hands don't look puffy.

    No, that was
    not malintended.

    It was meant to
    be reassuring.

    Like, it's not so bad.

    Well, we ran a
    lot of tests and

    everything was normal
    or nonspecific.

    So I fell into
    the, let's see what

    happens. And if
    nothing else turns

    up, let's repeat
    labs in a year.

    Well, I'd already doubted

    my symptoms
    so many times.

    And now I had a
    physical exam finding,

    a weird one, and
    still no diagnosis.

    This led me to doubt
    myself even more,

    to tell myself
    repeatedly that all my

    symptoms were just me
    not being enough, or

    maybe things really
    were all in my head.

    Medicine could
    not give me an

    answer, so I did
    what we tell patients

    with unexplained
    symptoms to do.

    Let's focus on treatment.

    nutrition movement stress

    management let's
    do what we can

    at this stage i'm an
    adult in the house of

    medicine so let's
    think about that adult

    child relationship
    with your parents some

    things you agree on
    and others you don't

    you sort of tread
    lightly because when

    you don't agree you
    want to be respectful

    and also they probably
    know more than you,

    but maybe on some
    things they don't.

    And I know how
    the system works.

    I'm not sick
    enough yet to

    make any of the
    tests positive.

    I'm in the
    prodromal phase.

    Keep monitoring.

    So how did I finally
    get diagnosed?

    Well, I was a good

    patient and I
    followed up.

    My rheumatologist
    had moved,

    so I saw someone else.

    I actually went in with

    a chip on my shoulder.

    What brings you in?

    I think I have
    scleroderma, but all my

    testing is negative
    and no one else knows

    what I have. But now
    my hands are stiff and

    contracted and my
    forearms are so tight.

    So I really do think
    I have scleroderma

    and I was just wondering
    what you think.

    She takes a look at
    my hands and I know

    that even when I
    feel like I'm dying.

    I present as really
    well appearing.

    I don't complain.

    I hold it together. I
    go to work and I take

    care of people and I
    come home and I take

    care of my family because
    that's what we do.

    So preemptively, I
    say, now the swelling

    has decreased. I've
    worked really hard on

    taking care of myself.
    So I look and feel

    really pretty good
    right now. I know what

    my triggers are though.
    So if you want, I

    can put myself into a
    flare and I can come

    back in and you can
    see how sick I look.

    That's when she
    said, I believe you.

    That simple
    phrase gave me

    permission to
    believe myself.

    Five months ago,
    I was diagnosed

    with a systemic
    form of scleroderma.

    my own journey of
    uncertainty pushed me

    into the mature adult
    phase of the parent

    -child relationship
    i'm now middle-aged in

    the relationship with
    my parents in this

    house of medicine and
    a lot has changed from

    when i was a kid for
    those of you who are

    middle-aged doesn't
    it feel like life

    just booted you there
    anyway as a mature

    adult child we don't
    get mad at our parents

    for not knowing the
    right way to help us.

    Well,

    let's just say that's
    the goal anyway.

    We see them as human,
    as people trying

    the best they can
    with what they know.

    I want to make
    sure this doesn't

    come across as a
    misdiagnosis story.

    No one was negligent or

    malintended in any way.

    This is just the way
    it happens sometimes.

    Things are not
    missed so much

    as they are hard
    to diagnose.

    Sometimes exams and
    tests are normal.

    Sometimes we need more
    time for diseases to evolve

    and help us figure
    out what's going on.

    We do want to do
    something to make

    the patient feel
    better though, right?

    So we try to be positive.

    When we say everything
    looks normal,

    we intend to be
    reassuring, but

    as a patient, it
    sounds dismissive.

    So as a patient
    and a doctor,

    what would I
    suggest and said.

    Be vulnerable.

    Be okay to be
    uncomfortable

    in the uncertainty.

    I don't know, and the

    story does not end here.

    Do what you can do.

    Offer treatments
    and symptom

    relief and a plan
    for follow-up.

    Who should the
    patient go see?

    Keep re-evaluating.
    If it gets better,

    great. If not, we'll
    keep thinking together.

    Here's where
    promise comes in.

    If you're a patient
    and we're all patients,

    I ask you to promise
    to believe yourself.

    You are the
    expert of what

    you feel in your body.

    Advocate for yourself
    just like when

    parents advocate
    for their children.

    if you're a caregiver

    and we're all caregivers.

    When you're with
    someone who's going

    through a hard time
    and you don't know

    what to do, don't
    let them be alone.

    I'll end with a
    favorite quote

    from my life
    coach, Ted Lasso.

    After the team
    loses a big game and

    everyone's in the locker
    room just defeated

    he says I want you
    to be grateful that

    you're going through
    this sad moment with

    all these other folks
    because I promise

    you there's something
    worse out there than

    being sad and that's
    being alone and

    being sad ain't nobody
    in this room alone

    promise to believe them

    promise to be with them

    because even
    if you cannot

    shed light on
    the journey ahead

    you can be with each
    other in the darkness

    thank you
    Branson/Health Care Stories 2024
    Transcription
    Thank you for being here

    tonight to listen
    to my story.

    I made three promises
    to my mom, Francisca

    Stevenson, in her last
    year of life that filled

    me with dread. They
    filled me with dread

    because I didn't want
    to let her down, and

    I also wasn't sure if
    I could keep them all.

    To know my mom was
    to love her. At 83,

    she was beautiful,
    petite, and always

    had a huge smile
    on her face. She

    was a strong, proud,
    stubborn, intelligent,

    funny, feisty,
    and kind woman.

    Being born the middle
    child of 14 and

    raised on a farm
    in Mexico made her

    that way. She was
    adventurous and came

    to the U.S. by
    herself to work at 18.

    Mom met and married
    my dad in Chicago when

    she was 24 and he
    was 37. My dad didn't

    speak Spanish and my
    mom didn't speak much

    English, but that didn't
    stop them from falling

    in love. The day
    after they wed, they

    boarded a train and
    moved to Salt Lake City.

    Here they raised four
    amazing children and

    doted on eight awesome
    grandkids. In her

    late 50s, mom developed
    health problems,

    including atrial
    fibrillation, a leaking mitral

    valve, and breast
    cancer. Thankfully, the

    breast cancer was
    curable. I'm grateful to

    the wonderful UHealth
    doctors that bought her

    an additional 25
    years with our family.

    That care came at a
    cost, though, in the form

    of numerous doctor's
    visits and diagnostic

    tests. To give you one
    example, my mom had

    to have a procedure
    called a cardioversion,

    where they would shock
    her heart back into

    rhythm. And while
    the procedure itself

    only took a couple
    minutes, the preparation

    and the follow-up took
    anywhere from three

    to five hours, and it
    also included mom having

    to swallow a camera
    each time, and she

    didn't like that. She had
    over 12 cardioversions

    during her life. Can
    you imagine that?

    Despite her many
    health challenges, mom

    rarely complained, and
    she always fought to stay

    alive. Her family was
    the most important

    thing to her, and she
    wanted to be here for

    us. In her 80s, her
    health declined, her

    mitral valve was leaking
    again, and her lungs

    were filling with
    fluid. She had to start

    using oxygen, and she
    hated it. The doctors

    offered a heart surgery,
    but after I requested

    a meeting with a
    palliative care doctor,

    and after hearing the
    risks and benefits of

    the surgery, my mom
    decided not to do it.

    Despite the great
    care mom received from

    her specialists, I
    was frustrated that

    I was the one who had
    to request a palliative

    care consult. I wish
    they were offered

    routinely to patients
    where the risks

    of treatment may
    outweigh the benefits.

    On May 5, 2022,

    mom was admitted
    to the hospital

    with aspiration
    pneumonia.

    As I slept on the
    pullout couch in

    her room, I was
    awoken at 3 a.m.

    by the sound of
    her crying in bed.

    She was on maximum
    oxygen and had to

    wear a mask over
    her nose and mouth.

    She was claustrophobic
    and had removed

    her mask. The nurse
    was trying to put

    it back on, but Mom
    was fighting her.

    I'll never
    forget how scared

    she was as I held
    her trembling

    body and tried
    to comfort her.

    Through her
    tears, she said,

    Donna, I never
    want to come

    back to the
    hospital again.

    I said,

    I promise she will never

    have to come back here.

    I knew she wasn't
    in her right mind

    and was delirious
    from her infection,

    but I sensed this
    was different.

    Mom had always
    been a fighter,

    but I could see
    she was exhausted.

    As the antibiotics
    kicked in and as her

    condition improved, I
    talked more with her

    about what she had
    said to me. I asked if

    she would be okay if
    the palliative care

    team talked with her,
    my brothers, and me.

    Mom agreed to this.
    We met with the team,

    and they explained my
    mom's options to her

    and us. I explained
    my mom didn't want to

    come back to the hospital
    again, so we talked

    about hospice care
    for the first time.

    Mom was reluctant
    to go on hospice

    because it felt like
    she was giving up, and

    she didn't want to
    be a burden to me.

    After I explained
    to her that it would

    be an honor for me
    to care for her and

    that she would be
    able to live her best

    life by not continuing
    with treatment,

    she decided that she
    would try hospice.

    The palliative care
    team assured her that

    she could change her
    mind at any time.

    Mom moved in with me
    on May 11, 2022, and

    CNS Hospice began
    providing excellent care.

    Living together
    was a blessing for

    both of us. You
    see, Mom and I

    had become really
    close since 2018.

    She lost her husband
    of 53 years, and my

    32-year marriage ended.
    We were both grieving

    and helped each other
    through difficult

    times while sharing
    a lot of fun moments.

    Luckily, Mom
    and I shared the

    same warped
    sense of humor,

    and it helped us as
    we laughed and cried

    our way through
    managing her care at

    home and having
    difficult conversations.

    Mom was afraid of
    suffering and having

    a painful death,
    but I promised her I

    would make sure she
    died peacefully. This

    promise scared me
    the most because the

    peaceful death I wanted
    for her might not

    happen. Each night,
    I prayed for the

    strength to get through
    what I had to do.

    Sometimes caring
    for mom was

    like being on a
    roller coaster.

    She would have good days,

    and she would
    have bad days.

    And she would be
    fine for a period of

    time, and then things
    would get difficult.

    I was working
    full-time, and my

    daughter watched
    my mom when I went

    into the office.
    I am forever

    grateful to my
    daughters, brothers,

    sister-in-law, and
    extended family and

    friends who helped
    me. It took a village.

    Because of the promise
    I made to my mom,

    she experienced so
    many good times while

    she was with me.
    Visits from family and

    friends, birthday and
    holiday celebrations,

    gardening,

    watching her favorite
    movies, and we

    even got to take a
    final trip to Moab.

    Best of all, she
    didn't have to go

    to any doctor's
    appointments, and

    she never went back
    to the hospital.

    Thanks to the
    wonderful care provided

    by the incredible
    hospice team.

    About six weeks
    before mom passed, she

    asked me if she was
    going to die soon, and

    I said yes. My
    daughter and I sat and

    cried with her, and
    we all agreed that it

    ******, and there was
    nothing we could do.

    I thanked her
    for being my

    best buddy, and she said,

    Donna,

    soon I will be
    your dead buddy.

    In typical mom
    fashion, we laughed and

    we cried some more,
    and then we made a

    big breakfast with
    mimosas mimosas and

    toasted to the great
    times we had enjoyed

    and to the future,
    whatever it held.

    At the end, my mom
    was hanging on, and I

    asked her why, and she
    said she was afraid to

    leave me because I
    would be all alone. I

    made a final promise
    to her that she didn't

    have to worry about me,
    because I would live

    my best life after she
    was gone. I'm doing

    this tonight by sharing
    our story with you.

    In the end,
    my mom got the

    peaceful death she
    wanted, and she

    died surrounded
    by her family.

    As I reflect on the
    time I spent with

    her, I think of all
    the first and last

    moments we got to
    share during our lives.

    Mom watched me take
    my first breath,

    and I watched her
    take her last.

    Mom changed my
    first diaper,

    and I changed her last.

    Mom helped me take
    my first steps,

    and I helped her
    take her last. The

    promises I made to my
    mom allowed me these

    precious experiences
    with her and a

    chance to care for
    her the way she cared

    for me as a baby,
    child, and adult.

    Given the choice and
    knowing what I know

    now, would I make
    those promises again?

    You bet I would.

    Te llamo mamacita.

    Thank you.
    Babitz\Health Care Stories 2024
    Transcription
    Thank you for the
    opportunity to tell you

    a story about a
    patient I took care of

    years ago that taught
    me a very important

    lesson and resulted
    in me making a

    promise to all future
    patients I would see.

    To understand my
    story, I need to

    tell you two things
    for background.

    The first one is
    a phrase that I

    first heard in
    medical school but

    later in residency,
    and the phrase

    was, there's nothing
    more we can do.

    And of course, that
    phrase was applied

    to people with
    terminal illnesses. And

    even if we were doing
    palliative care and

    comfort care, still
    at some point the

    attending or the chief
    resident would say

    to the group, well,
    you know, there's

    nothing more we can
    do for this patient,

    and we would move
    along on our rounds or

    whatever and go on
    to the next person.

    So keep that in
    mind. Second thing, I

    need to tell you
    about this community I

    went to. When I first
    started practice,

    I went to a small
    rural community

    in northwestern
    California.

    What was unique about
    this community was

    probably the large number
    of young people that

    lived there, and these
    were young people

    who were very interested
    in living sort of

    the natural life. Many
    of them had farms or

    lived in group settings.
    If you were back

    there in those days, you
    would have called them

    probably hippies. But
    they really wanted

    to live natural. They
    weren't big fans of

    medicine, I can tell
    you. They didn't come and

    see me unless they were
    pretty sick, or maybe

    just for checkups for
    their kids or things.

    But definitely a
    community that was

    interested in
    natural things. And
    in this community,

    there was a woman.
    Her name was Autumn.

    And when I first went
    there, I didn't know

    her. I'd never met
    her. But I heard a

    lot about her because
    she ran an herbal shop

    in the town. And she
    was the place where

    many of these young
    people would go if

    they had concerns or
    issues and see if there

    were any herbal
    treatments that they

    might be able to take
    for their ailment. It

    was interesting because
    over time I felt

    like Autumn and I had
    an unofficial referral

    agency because if
    she had a person who

    would come in asking
    for an herbal treatment

    who she thought
    was quite sick, she

    would tell them to
    come over to my clinic.

    And likewise, if I had
    a patient who didn't

    have anything I thought
    was serious and I

    didn't really have
    anything special to offer

    for some general
    complaints, I often refer

    them to Autumn and
    say, why don't you see

    what she might suggest
    for your ailment.

    Well, anyway, I was
    in practice in the

    community, and it was
    actually the third year I

    was there when I actually
    saw Autumn's name

    on my appointment
    schedule. I was kind of

    puzzled because she
    being sort of the leader

    of the natural health
    group, and I was

    surprised she was coming
    to see me, and I was

    wondering what it
    was all about. And so

    when I went in to see
    her that afternoon,

    introduced myself, and
    I said, I've heard a lot

    about you. I know a
    lot about you, and I

    send you patients. She
    says, yes, I know a

    lot about you, and I
    send you patients too.

    Autumn was 50. She
    turned 50 and she said,

    I hadn't come to
    see you for anything

    because I wanted to
    make sure you'd be

    staying in the community
    for a little while.

    But since you've
    now been here for

    three years, I thought
    I'd come in and have

    a general checkup.
    And I turned 50 and

    I've gone through
    menopause and I'm fine

    with that, but I
    thought I ought to get a

    pap smear and just
    have a general exam.

    So we did the exam
    and she was healthy as

    can be, did the pap
    smear. She didn't want

    any blood work. She
    didn't want to consider

    any stool tests or
    tests for colon cancer.

    She She just wanted to
    know that everything

    seemed to be fine.
    And I said, yep,

    everything is great.
    I'll let you know about

    the pap smear results,
    which were normal.

    And like any
    patient, I would say,

    you know, please
    come back if you have

    any concerns.
    Otherwise, back in those

    days, we were
    doing female exams

    once a year. So
    please come back next

    year, and we'll see
    how you're doing.

    And that was fine.
    I think for the next

    couple years, she
    came back on an

    annual basis, and
    everything was fine.

    But I think it was the
    fourth year. So when

    she was 54, she came
    in for annual exam.

    But she had a little
    puzzled look on her

    face. And I said,
    good to see you again.

    how was everything going?
    She said, everything's

    fine except I think
    I found a small

    lump in my left breast.
    I said, okay, well,

    we'll check that out
    as part of the exam.

    Well, all her exam was
    normal except there

    was a very small marble
    -sized, very hard lump

    in the upper outer
    corner of her left

    breast, which concerned
    me greatly. It moved a

    little bit. It wasn't
    totally fixed, but it

    did move a little
    bit, but still very

    concerning because very
    hard lumps are often

    malignant, cancerous.
    I checked under her arm

    and around her collarbone
    and things. There

    were no enlarged lymph
    nodes. This is a good

    sign. And so like we
    do for any patient, I

    said to Autumn, I think
    I need to refer you

    into the bigger town
    that's 20 miles away.

    I would like to have
    you see a surgeon. I'd

    like to have you get
    a mammogram of this.

    And I'd like to have
    the surgeon maybe see

    about doing a biopsy
    of the lump so he can

    see what it is. And
    because if it's a cancer,

    this is a good time
    to do something about

    it. Well, Autumn
    politely refused. No, I

    don't want to do that. I
    just wanted your opinion

    and wanted you to
    verify what I was

    concerned about because
    I have several herbal

    treatments that I'm
    going to use for this,

    but I just wanted to
    make sure that's what it

    was so I could pick the
    right things to use.

    Now, inside, a voice
    inside of me was just

    screaming inside,
    please, Autumn, take the

    referral, but she
    didn't want to do that.

    Well, she didn't
    come back for another

    year, but when she
    came back the next year

    for a checkup, now
    she had a very large

    mass, probably, oh,
    a couple inches by

    maybe an inch or so
    in her upper left

    breast, which was
    very large, very hard,

    totally fixed to the
    underlying tissues. She

    now had enlarged
    lymph glands under her

    arm and nothing under
    collarbone area.

    But I said, it
    looks like this has

    obviously gotten
    a lot worse. She

    says, I know,
    things just don't

    seem to be working.
    I said, well,

    you know, we could still
    send you in for the

    mammogram and the
    biopsy. And again, she

    said no. And once
    again, inside me, I just

    was pleading with,
    please, Autumn, please do

    this. But she didn't
    want to do that. She

    wanted to stay with a
    natural approach. And I

    think, thinking back,
    I think she just didn't

    want to have the
    interference that modern

    medicine inflicts upon
    patients sometimes.

    Well, she was having
    a bit of pain now, and

    so I offered her low
    -dose pain medicine,

    which she was glad
    to have, and she took

    that. She was only a
    couple months before

    she came back again,
    but this time because

    that mass was bigger
    and had eroded through

    the skin of her left
    breast, causing a

    superficial infection
    and a bad smell and

    irritation and
    things. So I obviously

    explained she knew what
    was going on, and we

    talked about how to
    clean her wound and how

    to keep it covered with
    antibiotic ointment

    and gauze, which she
    said she could do.

    I asked her if she
    needed anything more

    than the pain medicine.
    She said, not really,

    but she was just
    having trouble eating,

    didn't have much
    of an appetite, and

    was losing weight. I
    asked her if it'd be

    okay if I arranged
    for a nursing service

    to come visit her a
    couple times a week to

    change her dressings
    and just check on

    her, and she was okay
    with that, so we did

    that. And I would
    get regular reports

    from the nursing
    service, which was very

    nice. I mean, at least
    I'd say once a week

    they would get a note
    or a call, and they

    would update me on
    how Autumn was doing.

    Over time, she needed
    more pain medicine.

    She needed medicine
    for nausea, but

    obviously things weren't
    going well. I mean,

    it was going to be
    a downhill course.

    It probably was only,
    I think I made one or

    two home visits on
    her between the time I

    saw her for the
    mass eroding

    through the skin
    and before the

    visit I'm going
    to tell you about.

    But because I would
    make home visits on

    patients when it was
    appropriate and made

    it easier for them
    not having to come to

    the office and wait
    in the waiting room.

    But anyway, one afternoon,
    there was a call

    to my secretary from
    her neighbor saying,

    we're with Autumn and
    she's not doing well,

    but she really would
    like Dr. Babis to come

    and see her this afternoon.
    Is that possible?

    And the secretary
    asked me, I said, well,

    I'll have to wait
    till I finish my

    afternoon appointments
    so I can see her

    early this evening.
    And so they relayed the

    message and that was
    fine. So okay, I'll

    plan on visiting
    Autumn this evening.

    As I was driving
    this beautiful drive

    in the in the forest
    and of areas of

    this Northern
    California community,

    going out to Autumn's
    little home and

    her little, actually
    little farm,

    beautiful garden,
    orchard she had there.

    I kept thinking to
    myself that phrase,

    there's nothing more I
    can do. There's nothing

    more I can do. I've
    tried everything she

    was willing to take
    and there's nothing

    more I can do. And how
    do I tell her that? I

    got to figure out how
    to say that to her.

    Well, next thing you
    know, I'm pulling up

    in front of her little
    house, almost like a

    little cabin and parked
    my car and neighbor

    came out to greet me
    and they escorted me

    into her room, kind of
    her front room area.

    There was a sofa
    there and Autumn was

    lying on the sofa
    covered up with blankets

    because she obviously
    got very cold easily

    with her significant
    weight loss. There

    was a chair put next
    to the head of the

    sofa by her head and
    I was motioned there

    to sit in that chair
    close to her head.

    I sat down and I was
    about to clear my

    throat and say,
    Autumn, I'm glad to be

    here but there's
    nothing more I can

    do. Before I could
    get those words out.

    She reached out her
    hand and she said,

    Dr. Babitz, will you
    just hold my hand?

    And so I took
    her hand and we

    looked into each
    other's eyes.

    And I don't know how
    long it was. I mean,

    in some ways it seemed
    like an eternity.

    Other ways it
    seemed like not long

    enough. Probably it
    was not more than

    four or five minutes.
    I don't remember.

    But at some point she

    closed her eyes and
    gave a sigh. She

    was very tired. She
    let go of my hand

    and she said, thank
    you for coming.

    And I said, well,
    you're very welcome.

    And I kind of got up
    quickly and turned

    around because I
    didn't want everybody

    to see my eyes
    filling up with tears.

    And I left her
    house and I went to

    my car and I cried
    all the way home.

    About two days later,
    I think, we got

    a phone call from
    the neighbor saying

    Autumn had passed
    away peacefully

    in the night, the
    night before, so

    just a day or so
    after I had seen her.

    At that point, I
    remembered some phrases I

    remember hearing in
    residency, and one of the

    phrases was, patients
    don't care how much

    you know until they
    know how much you care.

    And what struck me
    then at that point was

    patients may not care
    how much you know,

    they may not actually
    care how much you care,

    but they often care
    if you can be there.

    And there's no way
    of faking that. You

    can't fake being
    there. And for Autumn,

    what was critical
    was my being there.

    And the promise I made
    to all future patients

    was, to the best
    of my ability, when

    you need me, I will
    be there for you.

    Thank you for allowing

    me to share this story.
    Becker/Health Care Stories 2024
    Transcription
    You know, I never
    thought I'd be here, not

    just on this stage,
    but living in Utah.

    You see, two
    years ago, I had a

    very content life
    in Las Vegas.

    I'd been there
    for 14 years and

    was very
    established in my

    career, community,
    and friends.

    During that time, I'd

    made a lot of progress.

    When I first moved
    to Vegas, I promised

    myself I'd finally
    finish college. I'd

    been working on that
    for 20 years. And I

    was able to complete
    not one, but two

    degrees, a bachelor's
    and a master's degree.

    I love architecture
    and history,

    and I managed to
    get involved in the

    preservation
    community in Vegas.

    Most people don't
    think of historic

    preservation in Vegas,
    but it's alive and

    well, and I quickly
    began volunteering

    at the Neon Museum
    and working hard to

    get historic
    designation for the mid

    -century modern
    neighborhood I lived in.

    We became the
    first neighborhood

    to receive historic
    designation

    in unincorporated
    Clark County.

    I also left the private
    sector, started my

    career in the public
    sector, and armed with

    my experience in
    completed education, I

    quickly began working my
    way up in the organization

    and landed in the
    leadership position.

    I'd continued to climb
    the ladder, always

    looking for the next
    step up and calculating

    the pay increase
    that went with it.

    It wasn't always
    exactly what I wanted

    to do, but it was
    great money and good

    position and stability
    with benefits.

    And that's the
    American way, isn't it?

    It's work, you're not
    supposed to enjoy it.

    As you can tell, I
    was pretty established

    with some roots firmly
    planted in Vegas.

    So how did I end up here?

    Well, I met the man
    that would become my

    husband, and it changed
    my entire world.

    You see, he's from
    here, born and

    raised, even living
    in the home his

    parents bought
    almost 50 years ago.

    In fact, he was
    even the caretaker

    for his 85-year
    -old mother.

    We met because he
    happened to be in

    Las Vegas at the
    late summer of 21 for

    a friend's 50th
    birthday party, and

    because we were in
    close proximity, the

    dating app I was
    on brought him up.

    We chatted back and
    forth and started

    getting to know
    each other. We found

    out we didn't have
    much in common. In

    fact, it seemed that
    the only thing that

    we had in common was
    that we were both

    in the aviation
    industry at the time.

    He worked for
    an airline based

    out of Salt Lake,
    and I worked

    for the airport
    in Las Vegas.

    Because chatting was
    going so well, we

    talked about meeting
    up, but his schedule

    for the birthday
    celebration was pretty

    full, and, to be
    honest, Vegas locals

    never want to go
    anywhere near the Strip.

    So he came up
    with a great idea.

    I could meet him
    at his gate as

    he was waiting
    for his flight.

    That seemed like the
    perfect idea, so I took

    a break from work and
    walked all the way

    out to the D gates. And
    if you aren't familiar

    with the Vegas airport,
    it's a bit of a

    hike, even including a
    tram ride to get there.

    As I walked up to gate
    D36, I saw him stand

    up. He was playing
    the Wheel of Fortune

    slot machine, and he
    walked towards me.

    You have to remember,
    this is during

    COVID, so we still
    had masks on.

    I didn't get to see his
    beautiful smile yet,

    I just saw the kindest
    eyes I'd ever seen.

    we stood there chatting
    and getting to know

    each other and I
    could feel a genuine

    connection with him but
    I really had to get back

    to work so I told him
    I wanted to continue

    texting with him and
    I started to get ready

    to leave that's when
    he did something that

    confirmed there was
    something special about

    him he asked if he
    could walk with me back

    as far as he could
    which was the checkpoint

    I tend to be more
    practical so my first

    response was why
    would you do that

    it's a long walk
    including a tram ride.

    His response, I just want

    to get to know
    you better.

    And so began our
    long distance dating.

    There were many trips
    back and forth for

    both of us, mostly by
    plane, and there were

    more than a few that
    were drives as well.

    The more time I spent
    visiting him, the

    more I got to know his
    friends and family,

    his very large family.
    He is the ninth

    out of ten children,
    so there were lots of

    people to meet. And
    even though we didn't

    really have much in
    common, it seemed to

    be working. In
    fact, we realized we

    complemented each other
    with our differences.

    Very early on, he told
    me he loved me, and

    I responded with, you
    need to slow down.

    I explained that
    things were going

    well, but he was
    a few steps ahead

    of me, and I
    needed more time.

    He calmly responded,

    that's okay, take
    your time, because

    I know you're
    going to marry me.

    It was clear things
    were getting serious,

    but we lived in
    different states.

    I was well established
    with my job and

    community, so I knew
    I didn't want to move.

    Plus, I had a pool.

    I wasn't sure how
    we would make it

    work. I just knew I
    wanted it to work.

    In March of 22, we
    both accidentally

    discovered we were each
    planning on proposing.

    I can't even tell you
    exactly how it happened,

    but after a night
    out with friends, he

    blurted out that he was
    planning to propose.

    In shock, I just
    responded, you were going

    to ask. I was going
    to propose to you.

    I was so excited,
    I just started

    talking about
    all my plans.

    I then went
    on to tell him

    how I was going to do it.

    I'd made plans to
    get private access to

    the Neon Museum at
    midnight on April 9th. I

    was going to give him
    my tour that I did

    when I volunteered
    there, and then at one

    of the wedding chapel
    signs, I'd have the

    ring hidden so I could
    drop to one knee.

    I even had someone that

    was going to video it.

    Remember, I said,
    we're opposites here.

    After I detailed
    all my plans, I

    asked, how are you
    going to propose?

    He shrugged and
    said, I don't

    know. I haven't
    really thought about

    it. I was just
    going to do it.

    And that describes
    our relationship

    and what started
    our promise to

    each other to build
    a life together.

    Now that we were engaged,
    we discussed what

    things would look like
    once we got married.

    We decided we'd
    probably need to

    still live in two
    different states, but

    eventually he would
    move to Vegas.

    It just seemed
    to make sense

    with my career
    in the house. Did

    I mention the
    house had a pool?

    A few weeks later,
    after another

    weekend visit to
    Salt Lake where we

    spent more time
    with his family and

    friends, I got ready
    to return home.

    As I was in the
    airport waiting

    for my flight, it hit me.

    He was really
    more established

    here than I was in Vegas.

    It wasn't the same
    kind of established

    that I was. It
    was actually a

    more important kind
    of established.

    I had no family
    in Vegas, and

    most of his
    family is here.

    And family is very
    important to him.

    While I had a great
    career built in

    Vegas, it was
    something I was working

    for because of the
    pay and the title.

    Would it really be that
    hard to give it up?

    We were texting back
    and forth while I

    waited for my plane,
    and he made a comment

    about when he was
    going to move to Vegas.

    Without even pausing
    to think, I responded,

    you're not
    moving to Vegas.

    I just knew I couldn't
    ask him to leave

    his family. At
    that point, I knew

    I'd be moving. I just
    didn't know when.

    Have any of you
    ever had a bad

    day at work?
    And not just a

    bad day, but a
    really bad day.

    The kind of
    day that makes

    you reevaluate
    everything.

    Well, I had that
    day, and as I

    left work, it
    dawned on me, why

    should I continue
    to stay here?

    Shouldn't I be
    just as invested in

    taking care of
    myself as my career?

    I'm already
    planning on moving.

    The housing and job
    markets were good.

    Why not make
    the leap now?

    We talked it over and
    planned it out and

    decided it was the
    right thing to do.

    Thanks to the housing
    market, I had a good

    amount of equity in
    my home, which would

    allow me time to do
    some job searching.

    I made a commitment
    to myself to not

    just find another
    job, but to find a

    place that really
    aligned with my values,

    and this time, I
    would not focus on

    job titles or the
    highest-paying job.

    Everything moved in
    fast-forward now.

    Within six weeks,
    I had quit my good

    government job, prepped
    the house to list and

    sell, sold the house,
    packed everything

    up, and hit the road
    to start my new life.

    Our new life.

    I spent the
    next five months

    settling in and
    applying for jobs.

    My focus was no longer
    aimed at position

    titles and pay.
    I wanted an

    organization that
    really aligned with me.

    But I have to
    tell you, over

    five months,
    it can start to

    get discouraging
    job searching.

    Lots of rejections,
    and a lot of employers

    that never even responded
    to my application.

    I started to
    wonder, is the

    right job even out there?

    Every time I applied
    with a new organization,

    I would always ask
    everyone I knew what

    their impression was
    of them as an employer.

    Most places were
    a mixed bag of

    response, some
    good, some bad.

    One employer, though,
    was consistently

    positive, no
    matter who I asked,

    and that employer
    became my focus.

    I'd already applied
    for a few positions

    with them, but I hadn't
    heard anything back.

    I'd had a couple
    interviews for a

    different public
    sector position,

    and I was
    certainly qualified

    for it, and the
    pay was decent.

    I knew I could do
    the job, but I didn't

    have the feeling that it
    was the organizational

    culture I was
    really looking for.

    I was also running
    low on time.

    Would I really
    need to settle?

    Finally, a call
    for an interview

    came from the
    organization I favored.

    It was for a position,
    a bit lower than

    I'd had before, and
    it was in health

    care, something I
    hadn't worked in before.

    But I had the
    skills, education,

    and experience
    to do the job.

    Let me point out that
    this was a position

    that I probably
    wouldn't have

    considered before I
    made that commitment

    to myself to find
    the right employer.

    It was time to
    take a chance and

    see if they
    would live up to

    the reviews I'd
    heard about them.

    The interview
    came, and I felt an

    immediate
    connection during it

    with the
    organization, the job

    position, and even
    the interviewers.

    As soon as the
    interview was

    finished, I called
    my fiancé to tell

    him about it and
    the position.

    He listened to me, and
    once I finished, he

    said, You've not been
    this excited about

    any other position
    you've applied for or

    interviewed for. Do you
    think this is the one?

    Well, I wasn't ready
    to say that yet.

    While I had a
    really good feeling

    about the organization
    and the job, I

    also know it's easy
    to say the right

    things and then
    not live up to what

    you preach. I
    needed to see more.

    You know what? I got
    a second interview.

    During that interview,
    I felt even better

    about the culture
    of the organization.

    You could tell it
    was part of each

    of them and their
    daily routines.

    I was encouraged
    and excited.

    So much so that I
    withdrew from the other

    position I'd been in
    the running for. Even

    if this position wasn't
    it, I knew now that

    the other one wasn't
    what I really wanted.

    I had some hope.

    And I got a
    third interview.

    This time with
    someone in leadership.

    And to me, this
    would confirm if the

    culture was truly part
    of the organization.

    And you know what?
    It was. I felt

    confident that this
    was where I wanted to

    be. This is what
    I'd left my job for.

    I was very excited.

    And I got the job.

    And I've had it for
    just over a year now.

    and it's still
    everything I

    thought and hoped
    it would be.

    I've even joked that
    had I known then

    what I know now,
    I would have moved

    here for this job,
    even if it hadn't

    been for getting
    married to Lynn.

    Speaking of Lynn,

    next month we'll be
    married for one year.

    He's also here tonight,

    and he had no idea I'd

    be telling this story.

    A lot has happened
    in the last couple of

    years for me, and
    it would have been

    very easy to have not
    had those changes.

    I could have stayed
    in my comfortable,

    happy life in
    Vegas, and I

    would have probably
    been content.

    While I no
    longer have a mid

    -century home with
    a pool, I do have

    an established
    great life here.

    I've traded aviation
    for health care,

    and I'm married to
    my wonderful husband.

    I have a job working
    with hospital

    volunteers, which
    is so rewarding,

    and I love going
    to work every day.

    I have established
    friends and family,

    and I've even
    managed to get

    involved in historic
    preservation here.

    Somehow I wound up on the

    board of
    Preservation Utah.

    Oh, and we're
    still caring for

    Lynn's mom. She
    just wants me

    to call her mom
    now. she's 87.

    All because I made
    a decision and some

    promises to better
    myself. And while on

    the surface, it may
    seem like my life

    was turned upside down,
    I think that maybe

    it was finally
    turned right side up.

    Thank you.

    On June 1st, 2023, the Resiliency Center and the Center for Health Ethics, Arts, and Humanities presented the fifth in the series of Healthcare Stories. This year’s theme was “Wonder.” Stories addressed discovery, questioning, the wonderful things that bring you awe or delight, what stops you in your tracks and causes you to reflect, and things that make you say, “I wonder.”

    Charles Teames_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    On a Monday in June,
    roughly a year ago,

    I reported to
    the hospital at

    5 a.m. for my
    first surgery as

    a third year
    medical student.

    The procedure was
    called a tracheal

    resection and the
    patient was a young woman

    with a condition called
    tracheal stenosis,

    which is where the
    trachea or the windpipe

    becomes scarred and
    narrowed. It makes it

    very difficult to
    breathe. And so this

    procedure was going
    to remove about
    four centimeters

    of her trachea and
    then reconnect the

    ends back together so
    that she could breathe

    normally again.
    It's a very long and

    difficult procedure.
    There's many things that

    can go wrong. It takes
    about eight hours.

    And so being in
    the operating room

    for a procedure like
    this is an experience

    that is full of
    awe and wonder

    for all of about
    30 minutes.

    Because you have to
    understand that as a

    medical student,
    when you're in the

    operating room, it's
    just a very socially

    and physically
    uncomfortable place to be.

    socially because you're
    being graded, right?

    There's this very
    intimidating surgeon

    who is observing everything
    you do and making

    sure you don't mess
    up, asking you random

    anatomy questions at
    any given moment, and

    you're just terrified
    the whole time. And

    then physically,
    you have to scrub in

    properly. You have to
    wash your hands in such

    a way that you don't
    contaminate yourself.

    And then you have to
    put on the gloves and

    the gown perfectly so
    you don't contaminate

    yourself or anybody
    else. And you go to the

    patient's bedside and
    you stand there and

    you can't touch anything
    that's not sterile.

    And your hands have
    to stay in what we

    call the box. Your
    hands cannot go above

    the collarbones.
    Your hands cannot go

    below the waist.
    Otherwise, if they become

    non-sterile, you
    then have to de-scrub

    and then re-scrub and
    it's a whole mess.

    And so here you are
    standing like this and

    you're holding a
    retractor usually and

    you're boiling hot
    because the lights are

    beating down on you,
    and you're trying not to

    pass out, your feet
    are going numb, and

    at any moment the
    surgeon can yell at you

    and ask you a question
    to identify a piece

    of anatomy that you
    can't see because you've

    been spaced out for
    the last three minutes

    because you're trying
    not to pass out.

    It's just not a very
    pleasant experience.

    The novelty wears
    off very quickly.

    So I show up to the
    operating room. I'm very

    nervous. We get the
    patient off to sleep,

    and the surgeon turns
    to me and says something

    that should normally
    be very comforting

    and inviting. She says,
    hey, this is going

    to be a really long
    procedure, and I always

    feel really bad for
    the medical student

    because you just have
    to stand here the whole

    time. So you get to
    pick the music today.

    And I immediately
    panic, and my mind

    goes completely
    blank. And so I

    just say the first
    musical genre

    that comes to my
    mind, which is ska.

    Yeah.

    For those of you who

    don't know what ska is,

    it's a musical tradition
    that has a rich

    history. It borrows
    influences from jazz,

    and from reggae
    and from punk rock.

    I quite enjoy it, but
    I also acknowledge

    that it is a very
    acquired taste.

    The kind of taste
    that you can only

    acquire by being a
    teenager who spent

    too much time hanging
    out at Hot Topic.

    Like, you know when
    you show a friend a TV

    show and you really
    want them to like it?

    And it becomes obvious
    like five minutes

    in that they're just
    not into it, but

    you have to sit
    there for the rest of

    the episode in awkward
    silence. Imagine

    that sensation, but
    for eight hours.

    So needless to say,
    I am mortified.

    Fortunately, nobody is

    implied enough
    to mention it.

    There is one
    particularly long and

    obnoxious trumpet
    solo during which

    the attending surgeon
    looks up at me

    and makes the face
    that you make into

    your fridge at one o
    'clock in the morning

    when you're trying
    to find a snack.

    One of those.

    Despite all of this, the

    surgery is going fine.

    We have the patient's
    neck open. We have

    exposed the trachea
    fully. We've removed

    the scarred portion
    without incident.

    And the trachea is
    just open for all

    the world to see.
    And I'm staring

    down at it like the
    barrel of a gun.

    And the resident
    notices me

    staring. And she
    leans over to me.

    And she says, hey, stick

    your finger in there.

    So I do, obediently.
    And I look

    at her quizzically.
    And she

    locks eyes with
    me. And she says,

    you don't get to
    do that every day.

    So the surgery goes
    fine. We finish

    up. We close the
    trachea securely. It's

    airtight. We put
    everything back to

    where it's supposed
    to be, and we close

    the neck back up,
    and we get the

    patient off the post
    -operative recovery.

    And I get home
    around 7 p.m. I'm

    exhausted, and I'm
    just agonizing over how

    I had behaved.
    Had I come off as

    weird? Oh, my gosh,
    why did I pick ska?

    How am I going to avoid

    embarrassing
    myself for the

    rest of this two
    -week rotation?

    And then the next
    morning, I have to go

    back and do it all
    over again. At 5 a.m.

    I need to report what
    we call pre-rounds,

    which is where the
    medical student goes

    and sees the patients
    you operated on

    the day before. If
    any of you have ever

    been admitted to the
    hospital and somebody

    came and woke you up
    at 5 a.m. and asked

    you if you'd pooped,
    yeah, that was me.

    That was my job.

    So I show up and I
    roll into the hospital

    and I go to this young
    woman's room that we

    operated on the day
    before and I knock on the

    door and I open it and
    I flip on the light

    and there she is sitting
    bolt upright in bed

    and it is obvious to
    me that she has not

    slept a wink it is
    obvious to me that she is

    terrified and she is
    in pain and in her neck

    is something called
    the gorilla stitch we

    place it at the end of
    this surgery it's a suture

    that goes through the
    flesh at the point

    of the chin straight
    down and then through

    the flesh over the
    sternum, and it's held

    taut. It is intended to
    be painful. It is intended

    to forcibly remind
    the patient not to

    extend their neck
    because if they do, they

    could burst the stitches
    that are in the trachea

    and it would likely
    be immediately fatal.

    And so here she
    is with this

    medieval *******
    device in her neck,

    terrified, in
    pain, and alone.

    And I am forcibly
    reminded of a

    conversation I had
    with my father right

    before starting
    medical school.

    My father is a nurse,

    and he explained to me,

    look, medicine will
    quickly become a job,

    but you have to
    remember that while

    for you it's just
    another Tuesday,

    for the patient you
    are often witnessing

    the worst day of
    their entire life.

    I had completely
    forgotten that.

    In medicine, we
    intellectualize surgery,

    maybe as a coping
    skill, maybe just

    out of forgetfulness,
    but we think of

    it as an intellectual
    pursuit. It

    requires a lot of
    knowledge and skill and

    practice, a certain
    degree of artistry.

    And in the pursuit
    of those skills,

    we forget the
    more immediate

    human perspective
    of surgery,

    which is that
    to the casual

    observer, surgery,
    and indeed most

    of medicine,
    is body horror.

    I mean, it is
    a terrifying

    and visceral experience.

    We had taken this
    person apart and

    put her back
    together again. we

    had disassembled
    the biological

    machinery that was
    keeping her alive,

    and I'd stuck
    my finger in it.

    In fact, I'd been
    kind of bored and

    worried about myself
    the whole time.

    And so, in medicine,
    we are so prone to

    squeezing out the
    immediate emotional

    responses that we
    should have, those

    emotional responses
    that make us human.

    I understood in that
    moment why doctors

    are so frequently
    seen as cold and

    uncaring because
    it happened to me.

    And it hadn't taken
    years. It hadn't

    taken months. It
    had taken 30 minutes

    of being a little
    bit uncomfortable

    for me to completely
    forget the life that

    we held in our hands.
    And I know it's not

    comforting for you to
    hear that from a medical

    student, But I also
    feel like if we as

    medical professionals
    want your trust, we have

    to be honest with
    ourselves and with you.

    So I spent the next
    two weeks seeing this

    patient every morning
    on morning rounds,

    and I got to see
    her recover. I

    watched the drains
    come out and the

    oxygen come off,
    and we pulled that

    stitch from chin to
    chest out, and she

    could move her
    head freely again.

    And I got to see her
    get her life back,

    essentially. I got
    to talk to her every

    morning, and she
    expressed, yes, she was

    terrified by this whole
    process, but she was

    also just simply so
    grateful that she could

    breathe normally again
    for the first time

    in years, and that
    experience was more

    wonderful than the most
    complicated surgery.

    There's this concept in

    philosophy called
    the sublime.

    I think about it often.

    It's the combination
    of awe and ******

    that we experience
    when we encounter

    natural phenomena
    that are beyond human

    comprehension.
    It's different from

    fear. Fear causes
    the mind to contract.

    Whereas the sublime,
    that awe, that ******

    causes the mind to
    expand. And while

    it's frightening, it
    also reminds us that

    we're human. It
    gives us a deeper

    appreciation for life
    and the world and the

    people around us. It
    reminds us that yes,

    the joy that you and
    I feel are not the

    same, the ****** you
    and I feel are not

    the same, but we
    share those emotions.

    And they remind us
    that we're human.

    And I believe
    it's that sublime,

    those emotions
    that can bridge the

    gap between patient
    and physician.

    In the face of the
    ******, but also there's

    the mundanity of
    not just medicine,

    but everyday life, we
    can have compassion

    and empathy for
    each other if we can

    simply acknowledge the
    miraculous fact that

    any one of us could
    be experiencing the

    highest highs and the
    lowest lows of the

    human experience on
    any given Tuesday.

    And so I promised
    that Tuesday,

    standing in that room,

    that I would not become
    numb to the sublime

    privilege that it is
    to work in medicine

    and with patients,
    that I would not

    forget the human
    that underlies all of

    the skills that I have
    to work to attain.

    I'm not perfect at this.

    I probably will never be.

    I can't promise
    that I'm not going

    to get hungry
    or distracted or

    tired when I'm
    taking care of you.

    I cannot promise
    that I'm going to be

    able to maintain
    a sense of wonder

    for all eight hours
    of your surgery.

    But I can promise
    that I will always

    remember that
    young woman sitting

    upright in a hospital
    bed at 5 a.m.

    And because of that,
    I will remember you.
    Ivan Vazquez_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    I would like to
    start by reading

    an email that I
    sent out to my

    entire team a
    couple of years ago

    on February 9th,
    2021 at 4.22 p.m.

    at the very end of
    my shift so that I

    could run out of the
    building as fast as

    I could the second
    I hit send. And I

    think you'll understand
    why in a minute.

    Unfortunately,
    I don't run

    as fast as I would like.

    But here we go.

    Hello. So, I wanted
    to update everyone

    I work closely with
    on my name change

    so that there's no
    confusion in clinic.

    As some of you know,

    I began medically
    transitioning a few

    months ago, and
    although it is not yet

    a legal name change,
    and my epic notes

    will still display
    my old name for now,

    in clinic I now
    use the name

    Ivan with patients
    and staff.

    He-him pronouns are
    also appropriate. yet.

    As far as patients
    are concerned,

    it is likely that
    I will not always

    be addressed
    correctly, and my

    preference is to
    just let that go.

    These are brief
    interactions, and there's

    no need to take
    the focus off the

    patient visit over
    a simple correction.

    Same goes for everyone
    else. I understand

    these things take
    time to adapt

    to, and it's not a
    big deal if it takes

    some time for the
    change to stick.

    If anyone has any
    questions or concerns

    about this, by all
    means, feel free to ask.

    I can't thank you enough

    for your support
    thus far.

    The next few
    months may be a bit

    awkward and
    vulnerable for me,

    but it's also
    pretty wonderful.

    Admittedly, the
    whole experience is

    very humbling, and I
    appreciate the lens

    you've all gone to
    to be supportive

    and make me feel
    safe in all the ways

    that count. Not
    everyone in my position

    is so lucky. You
    guys are the best.

    Sincerely, Ivan,

    formerly Ilya.

    Ilia Tamara Vasquez was

    my name for 41 years.

    And I know it is
    not customary for

    people in my
    position to share the

    name that we were
    given at birth.

    It's generally
    associated with a

    lot of trauma, a
    lot of discomfort,

    and a life that we very

    much want to
    leave behind.

    But there's two
    reasons why I'm

    sharing the name
    with you tonight.

    Reason number one,
    I didn't transition

    until I was 41. So
    I have all these

    memories, some of them
    really hard, but a

    lot of them really
    wonderful, as Ilya.

    Ilya made me a mom.

    She is my heart, she
    is my conscience,

    and she is a driving
    force behind the

    kind of man that I
    am trying to become.

    And I want to honor her

    by speaking her name.

    Reason number two, I am

    terrified right
    this second.

    if my voice is breaking
    and if my hands are

    shaking it is not
    stage fright it is fear

    that I won't be
    accepted because of the

    things that I'm going to
    share with you tonight

    that I might be
    ridiculed in ways that I

    have been before and
    that is intense but

    more than anything I am
    hopeful that something

    I have to say will
    resonate with you not

    as a transgender man
    but as a human being.

    And I'm not completely
    sure why, but

    after thinking about
    all that, I just

    thought you guys ought
    to know that name.

    Obviously, it has
    not been an easy

    road getting to
    where I am today.

    I'm about three
    years into my

    medical transition,
    and I still

    haven't a clue
    how to be a man.

    I keep trying, and
    for the life of me, I

    cannot figure out
    how to tie a necktie

    properly. It comes out
    crooked every single

    time. It is too dark
    in here for me to be

    able to tell if any
    of you have one on,

    but if you do, kudos
    for figuring it out.

    I have wonderful
    friends. I have the

    most amazing inner
    circle of friends,

    and they are
    predominantly women.

    Strong, amazing,
    resilient women, and

    I am lucky to have
    them in my life.

    But I really want a
    bromance. It feels

    like a rite of
    passage that I'm very

    attached to, but you
    can't exactly go up to

    the average guy and
    say, hi, I am Ivan.

    Cinderella is my
    favorite movie.

    I'm totally stoked
    about The Little

    Mermaid. I know
    very little about

    sports. Will you
    be my best friend?

    Life does not work
    that way. I wish

    it did, but it
    doesn't. So obviously

    there's a lot that
    I have to figure

    out. I am still
    doing way better

    than I was doing
    in the beginning.

    For some reason,

    after I first changed
    my appearance,

    I got it into
    my head that the

    only way that I
    could look handsome

    was to walk around,
    not smiling,

    looking completely
    serious, and I thought

    that would add up
    to manly for me.

    In retrospect, I think
    I may have gotten

    it from the movie
    Zoolander, and it

    wasn't until I
    started getting texts

    from concerned co
    -workers asking if I was

    in some sort of
    distress or angry over

    something that I
    realized it was not

    working for me. And
    so I, of course,

    corrected, and now I
    smile all the time.

    I am very lucky to have
    the co-workers that

    I have who were brave
    enough to tell me these

    things that I really
    needed to hear. And I

    knew, I knew going
    into this that I could

    count on support from
    my team. I had been

    through other really hard,
    unusual things before,

    and they were there
    for me, and I had no

    doubt that they were
    going to find a way to

    be there for me now,
    even though this was so

    completely removed from
    their comfort zone.

    Patience, on the other
    hand, were a different

    story. I wasn't
    sure what I could

    expect from them, and
    I'm the single parent

    of a special needs adult,
    and so professional

    safety was really,
    really important.

    And in order to keep
    myself safe and give

    myself a better
    chance that passing as

    male in the early
    stages of my transition,

    I decided to do
    something that I had

    never felt the need
    to do outside of a

    professional environment.
    I started to bind.

    Binding involves using
    compression clothing

    to minimize the more
    prominent aspects

    of the assigned female
    at birth body type.

    And it works really,
    really well. It did

    in fact help me pass
    as male, but it also

    made it really, really
    hard to breathe.

    Every time I put one
    on, I just felt like

    I was breathing
    through a straw, and it

    was really uncomfortable.
    But I thought

    to myself, like,
    okay, what am I going

    to pick here? Am I
    going to pick breathing?

    Or am I going to keep
    myself emotionally

    safe, professionally
    safe, and

    potentially, because
    sometimes it's an issue,

    physically safe.

    And so for me, at
    the time, it made

    sense to start binding
    during work hours.

    Thankfully, that
    is not something

    I feel the need
    to do anymore.

    And the reason
    why I no longer

    do it is because
    of a really

    unexpected
    patient encounter.

    It happened at the
    height of the pandemic.

    And if any of you
    happen to work in

    health care, you
    might remember that

    we were all, we
    were not doing okay.

    It was a really
    hard time. We were

    short-staffed. We
    were sad and scared.

    And one particular
    day, I had had it. If

    I had been independently
    wealthy, I would

    have quit. but that
    is not the case.

    So I had to find a way
    to make things easier

    for myself for the
    rest of my shift.

    So I knew that
    the only thing I

    could do was to
    take off my binder.

    I went to the bathroom,

    I looked at myself
    in the mirror, had

    a very heated
    conversation with myself.

    I used a lot of special
    language that I will

    not use here tonight,
    but if any of you

    happen to be Spongebob
    SquarePants fans, you

    might remember the term
    sentence enhancers.

    I used a lot of
    those as I worked up

    the courage to
    leave that bathroom

    unbound as a visibly
    transgender man.

    Eventually I did
    it. I worked up the

    courage. I ripped
    off my binder. I

    went outside. I
    threw it in my locker

    and I went on
    about my day.

    And the next
    patient was the

    one who completely
    redefined the

    way I approach
    my transition.

    It was a young woman,
    and her daughter,

    the daughter, happened
    to be the patient.

    And I called them back,
    and within minutes

    of me getting them
    into an exam room, they

    had given me so much
    information. The

    pandemic had hit them
    really, really hard.

    Job loss, health issues,

    some really
    interesting family

    dynamics that I will
    not get into here.

    But because she
    had shared so much

    information about
    who they were, I

    also had enough
    information to know.

    This family did not
    come from a world

    where people like
    me are accepted.

    So I was ready for
    whatever was coming

    my way. I think
    if you work

    healthcare long
    enough, you understand

    that people are
    coming to us in a

    really bad place
    more often than not.

    And generally, they're
    not in a place to

    give us the best
    version of who they are,

    but we are committed
    to give them the best

    version of who we
    are. That is something

    that I take very
    seriously, not just in

    my professional life,
    but in my personal

    life also. And so I was
    waiting for something

    to go down. But as
    I'm moving through

    the workup, and I'm
    getting ready to put

    dilating drops on this
    young girl's eyes,

    she starts to panic.
    She got hysterical.

    And then the mom
    turns to her and says,

    it's okay, honey.

    This young man is so
    sweet. He is being

    so kind. He is
    thoughtful. He just wants

    to help. He wants
    you to get better.

    And my jaw dropped.

    I was not prepared for
    that. I pass really

    well now. But back then,
    I did not. And I had

    just removed the only
    article of clothing

    that I had that was
    helping me to pass. The

    only thing that I had
    left was my employee

    badge, which does say
    he, him pronouns. And the

    mom did notice that
    much had been obvious.

    And I I wasn't
    ready for respect

    at that moment
    from that patient,

    and it just, it
    blew me away.

    If you are familiar
    with some of the

    unfortunate rhetoric
    around people like myself,

    you might understand
    and appreciate why

    hearing the words,
    he is so kind, he is

    so thoughtful, he is
    trying to help, would

    have affected me the
    way that that did.

    I left the
    room, and I gave

    myself a few
    minutes to process.

    And I thought
    to myself, wow,

    from this point forward,
    if I never put that

    thing back on, everyone
    that I interact

    with will know that a
    man could look like me.

    And that a man that
    looks like me is worthy

    of respect. And that
    a man that looks like

    me might actually be
    there to help, to make

    you better, to make
    a difference, and I

    realized there was so
    much power in not hiding

    and facing the world as
    a visibly transgender

    man, unbound, and I
    wanted that. I wanted

    that for me. I wanted
    that for my community,

    and beyond my community,
    I thought about

    the benefit to the
    patients that we serve.

    Sometimes it is my
    experiences as a woman

    that help me connect
    with patients.

    Sometimes it is my
    experience as Lyft as a

    man that helped me
    connect with patients.

    I don't have the
    luxury of time, so I

    don't get to tell you
    all the complexities

    of the interesting
    life that I

    have had, but I can
    tell you that I have

    been a daughter, a
    sister. I have been

    the doting wife.
    I've been a mother.

    I have survived
    homelessness.

    I have survived
    domestic *****.

    A lot of people are
    surprised when I talk

    about the marriage
    that I left behind.

    They assume that I
    left my marriage to

    embrace this life
    that I have now, this

    beautiful, wonderful
    life that I love.

    That was not the case.

    The last day
    that my husband

    spent at home with
    me and my son,

    I had to fight him
    off with a broom,

    a cheap, surprisingly

    sturdy dollar
    store broom.

    My ex-husband
    grew up in a very

    unhealthy, traumatizing
    environment.

    And that added
    up to him being

    emotionally abusive
    when we were younger,

    eventually physically
    abusive as we got

    older, and he was not
    safe to be around.

    And so my marriage
    had to end.

    That broom still stands
    by my front door.

    I've moved a handful
    of times since

    my marriage ended,
    and I will keep

    that broom by my front
    door for the rest

    of my life as long
    as it is standing

    because it makes
    me feel so safe.

    And it reminds
    me of everything

    that I have fought for.

    When you've had a life

    like that, it
    changes you.

    At this point,
    having lived

    through these
    things from both the

    female and male
    perspective,

    there's no one
    that I can't relate

    to. There's no
    one that I don't

    understand or have
    compassion for.

    And I thought to
    myself, wow, this is

    such a helpful tool
    in health care.

    this is such a great
    way of me connecting

    to patients and
    it's absolutely

    worked out that
    way for me i've had

    grown men sobbing in
    my exam chair upon

    finding out that
    i was transgender

    because all of a sudden
    they felt like they

    could tell me things
    that they couldn't

    tell anyone else and
    that was powerful that

    led to better health
    care for our patients

    and that is something
    that i want to continue

    it just felt like the
    most wonderful gift

    the last thing that
    i want to say. I want

    to read directly from
    my notes because I'm

    over 40 and I can't
    remember things the way

    that I would like to
    and I was so alert and

    it sounded really
    catchy when I wrote it

    so I want to make sure
    that I get it right.

    Sometimes in the midst
    of hardship and setbacks

    if you can look around
    and see just one

    thing one moment or
    one person that you can

    see love and beauty
    in one thing that lets

    you breathe like that
    patient encounter did

    for me like this moment
    is doing for me right

    now because this is
    actually the first time

    I have stood in front
    of an audience as a

    man. So thank you for
    sharing that with me.

    It gives you hope
    and I hope that

    moment finds you
    all. Thank you.
    Katty Youd_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    Hello, everyone. Hi.

    My name is Gatti, and
    I have dermatomyositis.

    Can everybody say
    that with me, please?

    Dermatomyositis.

    I know. I know.
    It's a struggle, and

    it's also a struggle
    to go through.

    This is my story.

    In May of 2015, I
    went on a run with

    my brother, and
    afterwards, my arms

    started to hurt and
    so did my thighs.

    I actually had an
    event to go to the

    next day and I had
    to cancel it because

    I was very sore
    and I was tired.

    And as the days went
    on, weeks went on,

    it started to hurt.
    I was more fatigued.

    I couldn't really
    get out of bed.

    It started to
    become a Herculean

    effort to go
    from my parked

    car to my
    university classes.

    I just didn't know
    what was happening. I

    was in and out of ER,
    like emergency rooms.

    A lot of the doctors
    would be testing

    me from Lyme disease
    or muscle dystrophy.

    They even took a muscle

    biopsy to see
    what's going on.

    And as many of you
    may know that along

    the road to a
    diagnosis can be long

    and arduous, and mine
    was no different.

    I was getting weaker
    and weaker. I couldn't

    lift my arms to
    brush my hair or just

    play the piano, which
    is right here, right?

    And soon I was taken
    with my family to Peru

    to see some specialists
    there, and when

    I came back, I was no
    longer able to walk.

    It came to a point
    that it also got really

    tiresome to chew. It's
    because my esophagus

    was getting weaker, so
    I couldn't eat a lot.

    I still remember the
    day that I couldn't

    swallow anymore. I was
    very thirsty, so I asked

    a family member to
    give me a cup of water.

    And as I took it, I

    immediately
    started choking,

    coughing, and

    I started to tear
    up because I was

    so thirsty. I
    felt like my heart

    was about to come
    out of my chest.

    In a frenzy, I
    was taken again to

    the emergency
    room. They inserted

    a feeding tube
    and took me up to

    the University
    of Utah Hospital.

    And it was there
    that I was diagnosed

    with dermatomyositis,
    which is an

    autoimmune disease
    in which a muscle

    inflammatory disease
    that essentially

    the immune system
    attacks my muscles.

    I was given so
    many treatments,

    steroids immediately
    put into therapy,

    occupational therapy,
    physical therapy. I was

    also given one of those
    wonderful hospital

    room ****. You know
    what I'm talking about?

    The ones you take
    as a souvenir when

    you get home. You know
    what I'm talking about?

    You know what I'm
    talking about? Yeah.

    So I was given
    those and I did

    not use it to
    drink. Oh no.

    Because my esophagus was

    weak and I
    couldn't swallow.

    I also couldn't
    swallow my spit. Now

    this is something
    that I didn't know

    but we're constantly
    swallowing like

    subconsciously and
    since I couldn't

    do it I had to
    spit into this jug.

    I know, so gross, but
    it was my reality,

    and I couldn't
    sleep because of it.

    I really quickly started

    going into a dark place.

    I remember that they
    had to insert a PICC

    line in me on this side
    because it was going

    to be a prolonged
    stay at the hospital.

    And the day that
    they were trying

    to insert it,
    they couldn't

    find a vein. I
    know it happens.

    and I was just
    standing there almost

    facing out and I
    looked up and I saw my

    mom across the hospital
    room and she was

    bawling which made
    me cry and I didn't

    want her to see me
    like this so I asked

    for the health care
    team to usher her

    out of the room but
    she wouldn't budge

    and so we're both
    there just crying and

    of course yes it hurt
    but because of them

    trying to find a vain
    but it and also this

    wasn't the first
    time we have been

    overwhelmed with this
    entire ordeal it was more

    than that you know
    her and I we locked

    eyes and we were
    connected and we started

    to reminisce on everything
    that has happened

    since this started
    her and I have lost

    our jobs I stopped
    going to school I could

    not help in informal
    translating or

    interpreting in medical
    settings as I usually

    do because I was the
    patient this time.

    We both couldn't sleep.
    My whole family has

    gone through a lot
    with this ordeal, and

    in the future months
    that would come, we

    would eventually lose
    our house because of

    the stacked medical
    bills that would come.

    My mental health
    was deteriorating,

    and I knew I
    had to leave.

    So we asked the
    medical team to

    see if there was
    a way to do this

    at home, and they
    highly advised

    against it. They
    said, and I quote,

    that I have everything
    I need here, and

    if I were to go home,
    that it would cause

    irreparable mental
    damage, end quote.

    I understand where
    they're coming from,

    their expertise and
    their experience.

    They want what's
    best for the patient.

    and not but and I
    would want them to also

    trust me as the patient
    the patient being

    part of the health
    care team knowing that

    this is something
    that at least for me

    I needed this I needed
    to go home and so

    with that we worked
    something out and I was

    able to get care and
    recuperate at home

    now it wasn't easy
    okay my family my

    community really came
    together to help me

    the following months
    to continue the

    therapy I would
    practice on teaspoons of

    water and because I
    fear aspirating and so

    did everybody else
    around me it would

    do really slowly I
    would also practice

    with applesauce and
    bananas and now that

    I'm in remission if
    you're wondering if I

    eat applesauce and
    banana to this day?

    Rarely.

    I am so sick of
    applesauce and banana,

    so you can imagine
    how it was, like,

    teaching my kids solids,
    okay? I'm like, yes,

    applesauce, so good.
    Yeah, you can do it.

    And I also
    would get a lot

    of comments on
    my body, too.

    Wow,

    you look so good. Wow,

    you're looking
    really skinny.

    Hey, at least
    you look good.

    and you know to
    combat the notion that

    thinness equates
    to optimum health i

    did it the only way
    i know how which is

    sarcasm so i said
    thank you it's the

    feeding tube diet i
    highly recommend it

    and i'm not saying
    that i prefer my body

    one way or the other
    absolutely not but i

    am just an awe of
    what my body has gone

    through medically
    through this autoimmune

    disease the birthing to
    children since i know

    there's there's some
    things that i still

    can't do things just
    don't bend certain

    ways i'm still recuperating
    in a lot of ways

    but i honor her still
    because my body is

    a wonder and your
    body is also a wonder.

    I want to appreciate
    and celebrate every

    season, every size,
    every reason and

    I know that as the
    years go by it will

    also just keep on
    changing and evolving.

    I am still in shock
    of the day that I

    officially was able
    to swallow again.

    It was later into that
    year and by that time

    I could take a couple
    of steps and my

    speech therapist was
    saying okay it seems like

    we're good to get an
    official testing done

    let's do it. We're
    going to go ahead and

    bring the the test to
    your house and I said

    okay I don't know what
    that looks like so

    he said it's just
    outside so my brother

    helped me out and walked
    me to the door and

    outside of my house
    and there was the big

    black van I had no
    idea that you could do

    this so this is all
    new to me and they said

    the machine is inside
    so I went inside and

    there was other health
    care professionals

    there as well and I
    sat down they gave me

    some water and they
    also gave me, yes, some

    banana. So I ate a
    little bit of that. And

    I saw the machine on
    my side and I could

    see it go down. I was
    like, oh, okay, yes, I

    can definitely do this.
    And then one of the

    healthcare professionals
    gave me a pill.

    It was this big. And I
    know from where you're

    sitting, it probably
    doesn't look that

    big, but for somebody
    who hasn't been able

    to eat for a while
    or swallow. It was

    ginormous. And I looked
    at the healthcare

    professionals and I said,
    do any of you know the

    Heimlich? Because
    you're going to need it.

    Also,

    why don't we delay
    this? I would love to

    welcome you back another
    day because I definitely

    don't want to do
    this. I was so scared.

    And I grabbed some water.

    I looked at the machine

    and I attempted
    to swallow

    and I went down.

    I didn't choke.

    I didn't cough.

    I was able to do
    it fully. I was so

    impressed with myself.
    I was just in shock.

    My speech therapist
    looked at me and said,

    yes, Kathy, you did it.

    How do you feel?
    And I literally had

    no words. I was just
    sitting there just

    just in awe of what
    I was able to do

    that I wasn't able
    to do for so long.

    And he said, well,

    now that you could
    do that, what do

    you want to eat or
    drink? I know most

    of my patients
    actually ask for a Diet

    Coke. Do you want
    that? And I said,

    no, I want a Slurpee.

    Thank you.
    Kerry Magiske_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    It was August of 2022,

    just about 10 months ago.

    My husband, Mike, my 13

    -year-old daughter, Kiera,

    and nine-year-old
    son, Tristan, were

    in Costa Rica
    celebrating my

    graduation from the
    University of Utah

    Doctor of Nurse
    Practice Program.

    I was a nurse
    practitioner.

    We had spent many
    family vacations at

    the beach. and on
    this vacation, we

    were at Manuel
    Antonio National Park.

    I had grown up in Hawaii

    on the north
    shore of Oahu.

    Mike and the kids
    and I had spent our

    vacations playing in
    the waves and diving

    under the waves at
    Pounder's Beach in Laie,

    diving off the
    lava rock into

    Waimea Bay or
    swimming at the beach

    across from my
    parents' house,

    the house that I
    had grown up with in

    Punalu'u. And now
    we were at the beach

    in Costa Rica,
    enjoying the waves.

    The skies were gray,
    but the weather

    was warm. We were
    having a great day.

    Smiles all around,
    salt on our lips.

    We were having a
    contest to see who could

    body surf the
    farthest up the beach.

    So in body
    surfing, you don't

    need any equipment.
    It's just your

    body gliding
    through the waves.

    Mike took the
    next wave in while

    the kids and I
    dove under it.

    We got up and
    turned around to see

    how far Daddy made
    it up the beach.

    Sure, he was trying
    to win the contest

    and to get farthest
    up the shore.

    It took a while
    for Mike to

    pop up, but
    then we saw him.

    His head popped up
    out of the water,

    but suddenly
    his head went

    immediately back
    down under the waves.

    Something was wrong.

    The kids and
    I ran through

    the shore break to Mike.

    He was tossing
    and turning in

    the waves. He
    could not move.

    The kids and I
    pulled his body

    through the
    shore break onto

    the shore
    screaming for help.

    We got to the shore
    and Mike mouths,

    I can't breathe.

    In all my years
    training as a nurse and

    as a nurse
    practitioner, I'd gone

    through many first
    aid and CPR trainings.

    We learn what to do
    if a patient is having

    a code or if you're
    out in the community

    and you see someone
    who needs help.

    But never once was
    the scenario it was

    your husband who
    couldn't breathe with

    your two kids watching
    just feet away.

    Mike couldn't breathe.

    I provided
    rescue breathing

    for Mike for 35 minutes.

    finally finally the

    emergency
    services arrived

    in the course of
    five days we were in

    three different
    costa rican hospitals

    my medical training
    had taught me enough

    that mike's injuries
    were serious but i was

    also incredibly hopeful
    mike's a fighter on

    the fifth day we finally
    made it back to utah

    via air ambulance to
    the University of Utah

    Hospital and the
    Neurocritical Care Unit.

    The day after we
    arrived back in Utah, we

    had a meeting with
    Mike's medical providers.

    In that meeting, my worst

    fears were confirmed.

    Mike had suffered a

    severe spinal
    cord injury.

    He was now paralyzed,

    a quadriplegic.

    He was on a
    ventilator as he

    was unable to
    breathe, and he

    had a severe case
    of pneumonia.

    On Mike's last day,

    exactly a week
    after his injury,

    there were no final
    breaths, there were

    no last breaths to
    take. He couldn't.

    There were only final
    beats of his heart.

    I had promised
    Mike that he

    wouldn't be
    alone, and I had

    promised the kids,
    and he wasn't.

    By his side I lay,
    just Mike and I.

    He was finally at peace,

    no more hungering
    for air.

    His body was being freed,

    free as a bird,

    free bird, his
    favorite song.

    It was our last
    cuddle and our

    last embrace as
    death did us part.

    I had walked into
    that hospital a

    wife, and I was
    leaving a widow.

    I was truly at
    a total loss,

    wondering how
    would I, how would

    the kids, how would
    we ever be okay?

    How would we ever
    move forward in life?

    in the months since
    mike has died i have

    gone to a lot of grief
    and trauma counseling

    and one of the things
    that i've learned

    about are grief
    bursts and grief

    bursts are sudden
    bursts of emotion

    that may occur
    unexpectedly or in response

    to a special
    memory or situation

    I experience a
    lot of these.

    But one thing I
    know, although these

    outbursts of emotion
    are physically taxing

    and mentally taxing,
    they also give me

    an opportunity to
    feel a little better.

    A few months after
    Mike died, I was at

    the gym, exercising
    and lifting weights.

    It had actually been
    a pretty good day. I

    went to the grocery
    store, I took out the

    trash, and I exercised
    all in the same day,

    which was something
    that would have been

    really difficult to
    do just weeks before.

    I was listening to
    my 90s R&B Spotify

    playlist when a Mariah
    Carey song comes on.

    We belong together,

    a love song.

    the tears start streaming
    from my eyes and

    staining the black
    gym floor i quickly

    sit down on the weight
    bench and i look

    around to see has anyone
    noticed my outburst

    i try and turn off
    the song and finally i

    quiet mariah and in
    that moment i have

    two choices first
    choice i quickly gather

    all my things up race
    out of the gym go into

    my car turn mariah
    up really loud and

    just cry and feel my
    sorrow in the moment.

    Or I could stay,
    finish my workout,

    go back to feeling
    the burn in my

    biceps, knowing
    I'll feel a little

    bit better if I
    finish the workout.

    And on that day,
    I decide to stay.

    But no more 90s R
    &B and Mariah Carey.

    It's time for
    some 90s rap,

    all right? And
    the sounds of Ice

    Cube, today was a
    good day to take

    me through the
    rest of my workout.

    On another occasion,

    just about three
    months ago, I had

    the opportunity
    to interview for

    a teaching job
    at the U in the

    Department of Health
    and Kinesiology.

    As part of the interview,
    I was to give a

    presentation in a
    functional anatomy course

    to a group of
    undergraduate students.

    As luck or misfortune
    would have it,

    the topic of my
    presentation for the week

    that I chose was
    the spine and trunk.

    Okay, so I prepare
    my presentation.

    Before I give
    my presentation,

    a friend agrees
    to meet me in

    the lecture hall
    to practice.

    On that day, I walk
    into the classroom

    door and again the
    tears start to fall.

    I can't believe I have

    to present on the spine.

    I can't believe that
    my husband is dead.

    I am so tired

    and I just want life
    to be normal again.

    And on that day,
    I choose to feel

    all my feelings,
    to be sad, to

    feel my grief, to
    feel my sorrow.

    Exactly a week
    later, I returned to

    the same classroom to
    give my presentation

    to about 50
    undergraduate students

    as well as faculty
    in the department.

    And on that day,
    I'm excited.

    I feel confident.

    And I did not, thank

    goodness, shed
    a single tear.

    because I had given
    my chance to feel

    my sorrow and my
    pain and feel all

    the feels the week
    before I had given

    myself an opportunity
    to have a good

    day and in case you
    were wondering I

    was offered the job.
    And I accept it.

    Oh, yes. Thank you.

    So in the months
    since Mike has died,

    life has been
    really hard.

    Nothing that could
    have prepared

    me for what
    it's been like

    to go through Mike's
    injury, his death,

    our grieving process. The

    kids and I have
    had a lot of firsts

    these last few
    months without Mike.

    First days of school,

    first rock climbing
    competition,

    first baseball games,

    holidays,

    and we still have a
    few more firsts to go.

    First Father's Day.

    Mike's 50th birthday

    the anniversary
    of his death

    but despite our grief
    and despite how hard

    this is I stand before
    you today and my kids

    sit amongst you today
    and we are doing okay

    we have been surrounded
    by the love and

    support of so many
    people that care for us

    we go to counseling

    I drag the kids on
    long walks and hikes

    and we remember
    that we have so

    much to live for
    there's so much

    that we want to
    accomplish in life

    and Mike would tell us

    to follow our passions

    and he'd tell us to
    go big to send it

    there's one thing
    that my son has said

    to me that still
    resonates with me.

    One day he said,
    Mom, I can't believe

    that everyone,
    everyone in the whole

    world will lose
    someone that they

    love, and this is
    what it'll feel

    like. This is what
    they'll go through.

    But I want you to know,

    when it's your
    turn to lose

    someone that you
    care about deeply,

    you too, you will
    learn to be okay,

    and you too will
    have good days.

    Thank you.
    Liz McLaughlin_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    So, I started my nursing

    career in the
    surgical ICU,

    and I knew from second
    semester in nursing

    school that SICU is
    where I wanted to work.

    I fell in love with
    how fast-paced it

    was, that it was
    protocol-based, and I

    could use my critical
    thinking skills.

    And I loved that we made

    the impossible possible.

    It's pretty incredible
    the things we

    do at the bedside to
    keep people alive.

    Things like opening

    bellies, opening chests,

    even dry icing
    a patient's leg.

    I could stand up
    here for hours

    telling you stories
    about the life of

    an ICU nurse, but
    they only gave me

    10 minutes. So I
    decided I was going

    to let you in on
    a little secret.

    There is a haunted
    room in SICU.

    things that can't be
    explained like call

    lights going off when
    there isn't a patient

    in the room now I'm
    not here to discuss

    if ghosts are real
    or not but what I can

    tell you is that
    ghost stories are real

    um excuse me I wanted
    to share with you a

    few ghost stories real
    life ghost stories that

    happened to me when
    I was a bedside nurse

    my first ghost story
    is a patient that we

    admitted who had an
    internal defibrillator.

    He had a history
    of V-fib, and

    the defibrillator
    would shock him

    out of this
    unsurvivable rhythm.

    However, on this day,
    he was going back

    into this rhythm, and
    so he was being shocked

    over and over. The
    medical team told him

    what his options were,
    what the treatments

    could be, and he
    decided that he had

    lived a long life at
    96 years old, and that

    he just wanted to turn
    off his defibrillator

    and go happily with
    his family around.

    So his family and
    his cute 86-year

    -old girlfriend comes
    to the hospital,

    and they had a party in
    his room. They really

    celebrated his life.
    They told stories.

    They laughed. They
    had non-****** drinks.

    His girlfriend
    even crawled

    into bed and
    snuggled with him.

    When the party
    was over, the team

    came in, and we told
    him that we were

    going to turn off
    the defibrillator,

    that he would stay
    in this unsurvivable

    rhythm and
    eventually pass away.

    After he flatlined
    and the doctor

    declared him dead,
    we gave family

    their time to say
    their goodbyes.

    And when they were done,
    they were gathering

    up their things and
    the patient opens

    his eyes and he
    says, is this heaven?

    And then he sees
    the nurse and says,

    you said I was
    supposed to die.

    we were shocked.

    He came back with
    a heart rate of

    20 with a very low
    blood pressure.

    For those that
    don't know,

    people don't survive
    with a heart rate

    of 20 and a low
    blood pressure, but

    this patient did. He
    actually survived for

    two more days before
    he passed away.

    My ghost story
    number two is a young

    trauma patient
    that we admitted.

    He was in a really
    bad car accident,

    and he had a pretty
    significant code.

    We did chest
    compressions on him for a

    long time, and there
    was actually a period

    of time that we could
    not oxygenate him.

    He had turned as
    blue as our scrubs.

    The team even questioned
    if we should keep

    going because we knew
    the longer we went,

    the worse outcomes
    that he would have

    due to not having
    oxygen to his brain.

    But we decided he
    was young, and we

    needed to do
    everything we could.

    And we did. we resuscitated
    him and stabilized

    him. Now he was on
    full life support, and

    we realized that our
    worst fear came true.

    He was not responding
    to any stimulus,

    including pain. He did
    have a pretty bad brain

    injury from not having
    oxygen to his brain.

    So four days later,
    we were shocked when

    we heard knocking
    coming from his room.

    We walk in. Now, he
    has a breathing tube

    in, so he can't talk,
    and he's restrained,

    but he had been
    knocking on his bedside

    rail, and he gestured
    that he wanted to

    write. We gave him a
    clipboard and a piece

    of paper, and he wrote
    down, I saw my dad.

    We kind of brushed
    that off and said,

    okay, yeah, but you
    were in this terrible

    car accident. You're
    in the ICU, and

    we eventually get
    that breathing tube

    out, and he points
    to the doctor, and he

    says, you were the
    one that said I was

    going to be toast,
    which is exactly what

    the doctor had said
    during the code.

    The patient went on
    to tell us that he

    had this entire out
    -of-body experience.

    He said that he
    was above his

    body during the
    code, and he told

    us everything
    that happened.

    Then he said he
    was ****** into

    the waiting room where he

    saw his wife and
    grieving kids,

    and then he saw his
    dad over in the corner

    and he said he was so
    excited to see his dad

    because he had passed
    away years before.

    He went over to give
    his dad a hug and

    his dad stopped him
    and he said, no, it is

    not your time yet.
    You have to go back.

    At which time he
    said he was back in

    his room and he got
    back into his body.

    I want to introduce
    you to my third

    ghost story. It
    was a night shift.

    I admitted a patient
    into room four.

    Now, to protect their
    privacy, I have changed

    their names, so we'll
    call this patient

    D. I get him set up on
    the monitors. We get

    him kind of tucked
    in for the night, and

    I'm out at the nurse's
    station with some fellow

    co-workers, and I
    hear mumbling coming

    from the room, and I
    walk in, and I say, D,

    what are you doing?
    Who are you talking to.

    And he points to
    the wall and he

    says, I'm talking
    to Roy Smith.

    Now, Dee and I are the

    only people in this room.

    And I feel the
    hairs on my arms and

    the back of my neck
    stand straight up

    because Roy Smith,

    the person that Dee
    is talking to, was

    the patient who
    had passed away in

    that room hours before
    we admitted Dee.

    I walked out of
    the room and I told

    my co-workers,
    you are never are

    going to believe
    what happened.

    Now, I can't explain
    what happened

    during these ghost
    stories that I've

    shared with you,
    but I know they've

    happened, and they
    sure make me wonder.

    Thank you.
    Michelle Brown_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    I haven't watched all
    the Mission Impossible

    movies, but I was
    like, you know,

    my job is kind of like
    Mission Impossible,

    so I think it would be
    kind of interesting.

    So, I did see the
    last one though.

    I am going to tell
    you a birth story, but

    the first thing that I
    want you to know about

    me is that I love my
    only child, and I have

    absolutely no regrets
    whatsoever. However,

    so as someone who
    designs for a living

    as a fashion designer,
    it only made sense

    for me to design
    my own personal

    preservation plan before
    my child and I met.

    So I had been seven
    years into my marriage

    and living in New York
    City with roommates

    when I found out that
    my ovaries worked.

    and I was really
    surprised I was very

    shocked to find out
    that I was pregnant and

    I know that sounds a
    little bit complicated

    and you know it kind
    of was because my

    husband was living
    here in Utah and we

    would he was actually
    going to university

    here and we'd go back
    and forth and visit

    each other every so
    often but ultimately

    I refused to leave
    my New York career.

    And if there's anything
    that working in

    corporate fashion in
    New York City taught me,

    it was that the first
    design of my self

    -preservation plan was
    going to be my silence.

    I know, it's so
    sad that I had to

    come to that
    conclusion, but that

    was the circumstance
    that I was in.

    So looking back into
    it, I, you know, did

    not know how to really
    move forward in this

    situation that I had
    ended up in. And I was

    happy about it, but I
    also knew I had to be

    smart about it too in
    the position I was in.

    So what I ended up
    doing was figuring out

    a way that I could
    really keep a good head

    on my shoulders and
    still like be really

    good at what I do but
    all under the radar.

    So my pregnancy
    was going to be

    on a need-to
    -know basis and my

    employer did not
    need to know.

    So I marked down five
    months on my calendar

    where my pregnancy
    just needed to be

    completely undetected.
    And my goodness, did

    it pay off. Because let
    me tell you that when

    my employer found out
    that I was expecting,

    my boss, who was a
    woman at the time,

    took, unfortunately,
    took the

    opportunity to
    completely berate me,

    personally attack
    me about how

    little I must care
    about my career.

    And it's almost as
    if I saw that coming

    the entire time,
    which is completely

    why I concealed it.
    But alas, my self

    -preservation plan,
    the corporate edition,

    was an ultimate success.

    So after I left New
    York and came here in

    Utah, I was probably
    about six months along at

    that point and no
    longer working but I

    remember just it dawning
    on me I had just been

    so used to concealing
    every aspect of my

    pregnancy like mentally
    that I was like oh my gosh

    I'm pregnant and there's
    like a baby who's

    going to be coming
    really soon and so even

    though my mind had not
    caught up with my body

    I was like okay this
    is really happening.

    So as a designer what
    we do is we'll design

    with the materials
    provided to us and so I

    quickly found out
    that I would not be

    designing with health
    insurance or a traditional

    hospital because every
    place that I would

    call could not give
    me a quote on how much

    this whole birthing a
    human thing costs and

    that was really confusing
    and surprising to

    me at the same time.
    So I was trying to get

    creative with what I
    was going to do. And

    I thought back to all
    of my prenatal health

    checkups in New York and
    all of my examinations.

    And each time I
    came back with a

    really clean bill of
    health. So I was like,

    okay, well, what if, I
    mean, there's this whole

    like thing for, you
    know, at home births

    or birthing centers,
    maybe I should try that.

    Maybe I should figure
    that out because

    they would quote me
    what the costs would be.

    And so I decided
    to move forward in

    that direction and
    ultimately chose

    a birthing center
    out in Lehigh.

    And so I'm probably
    about a month along at

    this point, and I'm
    really just starting to

    worry about like my
    whole plan to begin

    with and just how I'm
    going to proceed. And

    so thinking about it,
    you know, as a Navajo

    woman, I know that
    American Indian and Alaska

    Native women are two
    times more likely to

    die as a result of
    pregnancy-related causes.

    So that really started
    to freak me out.

    And that statistic is
    based in comparison

    to white women. and my
    grandmother who I never

    met had actually
    died on the Navajo

    reservation during
    childbirth so this to me was

    not just another statistic
    this was my family

    history and so I
    became more concerned

    about you know making
    sure that all of my

    records were in one
    binder in my home and that

    my house was in order
    in the event that I

    would not be making it
    back and so there was

    no me like purchasing
    like child stuff I

    think I was delaying
    a lot of things almost

    refusing to recognize
    this is really still

    happening and I was
    really lucky that I

    actually bought a car
    seat three days before my

    child was born so
    luckily I got that down

    and I just remember
    laughing so hard to

    myself at four in the
    morning the day after

    Labor Day because my
    water had broken and

    I had this running
    joke that it would be

    so hilarious if I were
    to go into labor on

    Labor Day and I was
    only wrong by four hours

    and technically it
    was like two weeks

    early, which that's
    why it was a joke. It

    wasn't supposed to
    happen, so that was really

    hilarious, but I
    will say that it is

    remarkable what it felt
    like and what I went

    through to give birth
    to a human, and I

    mean that in the most
    painful way possible.

    yep i felt everything
    um so i it was really

    interesting to see
    that my my instinct and

    my personality was
    intact the entire time

    down to when my son
    finally made his way out

    and the nurse hands him
    to me with congratulations

    and I just grabbed
    him and handed him

    to his dad because I
    was not anywhere near

    like physically or
    mentally ready to meet

    this new human. I from
    my research knew there

    was still so much
    that had to happen. I

    knew that this was just
    the first birth and

    technically I would
    have to be assisted in

    birthing my placenta and
    of course every human's

    nightmare and designer
    a tear and we're

    not talking about fabric
    here yes it happens

    so as I watched the
    nurse thread the needle

    in true fashion I
    just stopped her and I

    just thought you know
    okay I'm totally at

    her mercy but I have
    to ask her um what is

    your experience with sewing
    and and she responded

    back that she had
    experience with quilting

    to which I was you
    know pretty satisfied

    because if you know
    the women who quilts

    they know how to put a
    pattern back together

    so after that
    portion was like done

    I felt ready to meet
    my my son who was

    very quietly waiting
    with his dad.

    And I remember there
    was just like no

    tears. There were
    no like dramatics.

    It was just, I looked
    at him with just

    complete wonder.
    And it was mostly

    like, wow, what the
    heck just happened?

    It was nothing
    like what I had

    expected. You see,
    I had this really

    romanticized idea of
    what this moment would

    be like and this
    romanticized idea of what

    it would mean in this
    moment to be a mother

    who just gave birth
    and I realized that

    leading up to all of
    this it was not at all

    what I had been told
    it would be like or how

    it would feel like and
    I think that was some

    of the most amazing
    teaching moments that

    I had in that time of
    just like everything

    dawning on me of like
    oh you know it unfolded

    this way but you know
    what that's okay and

    so from there I started
    to think a little

    bit deeper about all of
    what I had gone through

    leading up to this
    and I realized that

    I also just did not I
    did not plan for this

    part of my like self
    -preservation like this

    whole part and in those
    moments looking at

    him I acknowledged that
    this was some of the

    hardest moments of my
    life that I had gone

    through and it was
    mentally taxing It was

    some of the most lonely
    times that I ever had

    in my life, and it
    left me feeling more

    empty than full looking
    back at it, but I am

    so grateful that I
    allowed myself to even

    just feel that without
    assigning it any kind

    of guilt or shame, that
    I just allowed myself

    to go through that
    and not feel bad about

    it the way that it
    unfolded. And I feel

    like even though my
    birth story was a very

    unromanticized version,
    despite what I had been

    told by society or my
    previous religion or

    anything like that,
    that it was okay. And

    that ultimately I
    learned that, you know,

    motherhood is wonderful,
    although I don't think

    it was completely
    my destiny. And even

    though it happened, I'm
    still a mom. I'm still

    navigating this thing
    called parenthood.

    And ultimately, I found
    that my worth is just

    not defined by my
    ability to procreate or

    not. It comes in so
    many different ways, and

    I noticed that my
    worth is really more

    defined by my collective
    choices in life,

    ultimately, and I was
    really just happy and proud

    about that, and it
    was such a wild ride.

    Even though it was
    all difficult, I feel

    it was ultimately
    a success, even

    though I came from
    it at a completely

    different angle than
    what I was expecting.

    And I love my son
    and I'm really

    grateful for him
    and for all that I

    had learned from
    this experience.

    However,

    I will not be
    doing that again.

    Thank you.
    Perry Montoya_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    Good evening, and
    thank you for coming

    to share with us
    this evening, me

    and seven other
    fellow storytellers.

    My name is Perry Montoya,

    and this is my story.

    It's long been
    believed that

    all salmon, after
    being hatched,

    will leave the
    place of their birth

    and upon an epic
    journey work their way

    down streams and
    rivers to the ocean.

    It's also been
    long believed that

    they only return
    to that very spot

    once and only
    once to ultimately

    spawn and then lay
    down their lives

    and die in that
    very location.

    though rare there
    is a fish a salmon

    that actually makes
    that journey back

    and forward again
    and again and

    again from the ocean
    back to the headwaters

    that salmon is
    known as a celt

    salmon perhaps are
    very intrigued and

    interested in those
    waterways because yes

    it's the place of
    their origin but also

    surely they have to
    determine that the

    chances for their
    offspring to have a

    fighting chance will
    be better if they

    can go back to where
    they began as well.

    I've lived in 40 homes

    and 52 years of life.

    And yet, each time,
    I keep coming back

    to this location. And
    I'll share with you

    throughout my story
    this very location.

    I'm the first of,
    sorry, I'm the fourth of

    four children. I
    believe my siblings may

    be in the audience
    with us tonight. night.

    My father was a Navy
    man in our first

    home after I was
    born in LDS Hospital,

    Fort Douglas, about
    a thousand yards

    from where we now
    gather tonight.

    And so, this being my home
    waters, my headwaters,

    if you will, four
    or five times during

    my lifetime, I've been
    brought back to these

    my headwaters in my
    personal and professional

    life. And I can't
    help but wonder why.

    What imprint upon my
    soul is bringing me back

    to this location my
    parents as I mentioned

    my father in the navy
    my mom ultimately a

    travel agent that meant
    that we were somewhat

    the livestock and they
    were the nomads right

    maybe not so much
    but we did gain their

    wanderlust and so I've
    traveled the world over

    as a tour guide as a
    travel writer and I love

    people and places from
    all over the world

    and truly those who know
    me would know I'd be

    happy to live in any
    one of those locations

    So why here?

    Why now?

    Why am I brought back to

    this place,
    my headwaters?

    Maybe if I take you
    back a little ways,

    in the early 80s,
    after having made some

    moves, indeed,
    previous to that, my

    family had moved to,
    ironically, the ocean,

    Washington State,
    Southern California,

    Northern California.
    I spent time in

    Texas, each of those,
    very near the ocean.

    after having made those
    travels in my early

    professional life in
    19 actually before

    that in my young life
    in the 1980s I came back

    to this very campus
    time and time again as

    a young debater who at
    that time would come

    to the library that's
    not very far from

    here I can still smell
    the books I can still

    see the microfilm
    sorry that makes me old

    I know but I can work
    through those and I

    can remember that this
    campus holds a place

    in my heart so was I
    supposed to come back

    to these headwaters
    for all things academic

    for me, for my own
    knowledge and learning?

    No, in the early

    1990s, I found myself
    in a career as a

    medical and marketing
    and sales individual.

    That brought me back
    to this campus yet

    again because the
    University of Utah

    healthcare system was
    my predominant client.

    So, was I brought
    back for all things

    success and finance?
    After all, as a young

    20-something, I'd
    made some money here,

    and maybe money was
    the reason why I was

    supposed to come back
    here, maybe success.

    It didn't take
    long for me to

    realize that
    wasn't the case.

    At some point,
    I tired of the

    business world, or
    probably more so

    of insurance companies
    and contracts,

    if you know,
    you know, right?

    And in the late
    90s, I determined

    it was time to
    move forward,

    to do something
    different.

    Not very far from
    here, on a side

    stream, if you
    will, Westminster

    College was the place
    where I'd get my

    undergrad degree,
    and then pursue

    religious education
    as a career, leaving

    the business world.
    The best place for that

    to happen was here on
    the south end of campus

    at the Salt Lake
    Institute of Religion.

    And so, some 26 years
    ago, I entered their

    doors and became a
    teacher. They hired me.

    Upon being hired, I
    dove back into, if

    you will, another
    yet deep ocean of

    academia and learning,
    and I pursued a

    master's degree. Where
    would be the right

    place for me to
    land? You can guess.

    here at the
    University of Utah

    for a master's
    in education.

    Interestingly enough,
    I accepted my degree

    on this stage in about
    10 minutes, not 10

    minutes, 10 steps from
    where I now stand.

    I was asked to be
    the student speaker

    for graduation, where
    I said, the student

    first and always,
    which I still believe,

    by the way, in my
    professional life.

    So, was my return
    to this location

    to be for all
    things educational?

    Was it supposed
    to be the message

    of that education
    at all costs?

    It seems like recently,
    things have been

    speeding up in my
    returns. Indeed, about

    a year ago, my wife
    and I were asked

    to come here and to
    help be administrators

    and teachers for
    an inaugural youth

    conference for spiritual
    learning for 14

    to 18-year-olds held
    on this campus and

    in many campuses
    throughout the world.

    Not long after
    that, I was asked

    also to return
    back to this campus

    and at the same place
    that actually gave me

    a job, the Salt Lake
    Institute of Religion,

    to return and now
    teach the older

    age kids, the
    college age kids,

    and have an
    experience with them.

    So is my return
    to these my

    headwaters for all
    things educational,

    for an opportunity
    to continue to move

    forward and now in a
    spiritual education

    versus the
    educational side I

    mentioned of just
    having been a teacher?

    within one week
    after being given and

    accepted the position
    to come here and teach

    i was diagnosed with
    a serious illness

    remember kelts are
    rare my rare illness is

    known as sarcoidosis
    given the job on november

    29th diagnosed on
    december 1st i'll

    spare you all details
    that you might not want

    to know about sarcoidosis
    like the medical

    dictionary version or
    maybe the CPT codes

    or in what the
    insurances will pay for,

    but I will tell you
    what it means to me.

    What sarcoidosis has
    meant for me is I stand

    before you with
    innumerable nodules in

    my lungs, mimicking
    cancer but not cancer.

    I stand before you
    with those same nodules

    in my lymph nodes and
    in other locations

    in my body that I'm
    uncertain of right

    now what does that
    even look like I stand

    before you wondering
    having questions that

    are unanswered I
    stand before you with

    what it means to me
    of in those unanswered

    questions even some
    physicians one saying

    to me hey sorry it's
    not cancer because

    the money really goes
    there for research

    and so it'd be better
    maybe if it were that

    you can laugh at
    that I thought it was

    laughable I thought
    how in the world right

    it means for me
    untold numbers of

    people that have given
    so much to me and

    my family of time
    and efforts and

    finance and in so
    many ways reaching out

    to us and knowing
    I can never repay

    and also knowing
    that it's impossible

    to answer to those
    people the simple

    question how are you
    doing today because

    some days it's just
    the same as it's always

    been for the last
    six months. Other

    days, the symptoms
    are flaring, and it's

    too much to explain
    which one and why.

    Some days, it's
    good, and if I say

    it's good, then what
    happens the next

    day of what I thought
    you were good?

    What sarcoidosis has
    meant to me is that

    in the seeking of
    answers to questions,

    I can't just go
    to any doctor.

    Because of the rarity,
    I'm being referred

    to referrals by
    referrals at this point.

    Indeed, in the next
    couple of weeks,

    in some weird form
    of excitement,

    I'm getting
    excited to go to a

    national hospital
    in two weeks

    to try and get
    some answers.

    That's a stream I
    didn't know I was going

    to swim down, nor be
    excited to swim down.

    Sarcoidosis is
    also meant for me a

    love and a trust and
    a care for people.

    I've lacked in some
    ways what some of

    us are pretty well
    used to. If you have

    back pain, and
    someone says, oh, my

    mom had back pain,
    and she, or they say,

    well, when I had
    back pain, I took,

    I don't have those
    abilities right now

    because it's
    something that most

    folks don't know
    a lot about.

    The irony in all of
    it, and what halts

    the isolation in my
    swim, if you will,

    it's you. It's
    that we're here

    tonight together
    because I know

    you've swam a
    solo swim before.

    Yours is different
    than mine, but

    me having shared
    mine tonight in

    some way unites us
    together and we're

    swimming together
    in the process.

    While I don't know
    entirely what's next,

    while I can't answer
    the question of

    why the swim, why the
    return to this location

    over and over
    again, even on this

    stage at this moment,
    what I can say is

    this, I am enjoying
    the experience of

    knowing you're swimming
    your swim as well.

    Maybe in closing the
    thought of this, if

    the answers aren't
    to be found quickly,

    then where am I to find

    answers to my story?

    Maybe like you, I
    look to those that

    I swam with for as
    long as I've swam.

    My sweet wife endured
    our 30th anniversary

    was the day that I
    was diagnosed, so

    she's endured that
    and many other things

    and is noticeably
    rocked. My children

    have experienced this
    in a hard way, and

    their spouses and
    significant others.

    But they've also seen
    me vital and strong,

    like you see me tonight,
    and I want to feel

    that way in my life.
    I want to be who I

    need to be, but I also
    know that salmon swim

    back to headwaters
    for their offspring.

    So I consulted
    the offspring and

    gave them a little
    version of my

    story, and here were
    their responses.

    My youngest son
    said, who by the way

    currently is in his
    faraway ocean location

    of London, and has
    been throughout

    this entire spot,
    serving a mission

    for his God, returning
    home this month.

    Here's what the youngest

    said. He said, Dad,

    you lose the
    wonder if you

    just continue in wonder.

    Sweetly, my oldest
    daughter said the words,

    Dad, perhaps it's
    in your story

    the why we are
    here for all of us,

    and we need to learn.
    And I believe she's

    right. I've never felt
    to lay down in the ocean

    and die there, nor to
    pursue the headwaters

    and never return
    back to the ocean. I

    want to go back and
    forth and back and forth.

    Perhaps the hardest
    one came from my

    middle son, because
    it was a compliment,

    and those are
    hard to take, who

    said, I'm grateful
    that my dad's not

    swimming some one last
    crazy swim as fast

    as he can trying
    to get things done.

    His life has
    been the swim

    that he was
    meant to swim.

    I don't know the answers.

    I don't need to
    know all of them.

    But I do know that
    the experience of

    being with you,
    with friends, with

    family, with seven
    other gifted individuals

    who I hope you'll
    listen to tonight

    and be a changed
    person from listening

    to them, I am from
    having done so.

    It's the journey
    that's truly mattered.

    So while I can't
    give those answers, I

    will say to you, from
    one Celt to the next,

    enjoy the journey.

    Thank you.
    Susan Madsen_Healthcare Stories 2023
    Transcription
    Good evening, everybody.
    I'm excited to be

    here tonight and to
    tell you this story.

    This just happened to
    me this past January.

    I was binge-watching
    one of my favorite

    British TV shows called
    24 Hours in the A&E.

    It's a documentary
    -type show

    where they film
    for 24 hours in

    an emergency
    room in London.

    And in this show, they
    bring in a patient.

    His name is Mark.
    He's about 32, 33

    years old, and he's
    had a seizure, and

    they're going to try
    to figure out why he's

    had this seizure.
    But as they bring

    him in, and it's in
    the middle of the night

    I'm watching this,
    I look at him and

    I think, he looks
    like my brother Ethan.

    Let me tell you about
    my brother Ethan.

    My brother Ethan was
    born in 1973, and he

    just turned 50. We
    had a big birthday

    party for him. When
    he was born, my mother

    knew that something
    wasn't quite right right

    away. She tried to
    nurse him and he

    couldn't nurse. He
    didn't have that innate

    ability to nurse like
    most newborns have.

    So medical tests
    started to be run

    and a bunch of
    tests were run as a

    newborn and as he
    was a young child

    trying to find a
    diagnosis for him.

    And my parents
    finally called for the

    medical tests to
    stop. They felt it was

    only harming him.
    Nobody was finding

    any answers, and they
    had put my parents

    in a medical debt
    of around $20,000.

    Now, I calculated
    that in 2023,

    and that would be
    about $139,400.

    So that's a lot of
    money. That was a really

    financially hard
    time for my parents.

    So we just
    thought that Ethan

    was his own
    unique disability.

    And one of the
    heartbreaking parts of this

    is that my mother blamed
    herself her entire

    life. She thought
    that it was her fault,

    that she had caused
    it. And that always

    broke our hearts that
    that was the case.

    So now back to the show.
    They bring Mark in,

    and Mark's parents
    come come into the ER.

    Mark's parents' names
    are Ian and Leslie,

    and they start talking
    about Mark when he was

    a baby and when he
    was a young child, and

    there are more similarities
    to Ethan when he

    was a young boy. There
    are things that are

    mirrored, and I'm just
    fascinated by this.

    I'm just in awe that
    I'm seeing this, and

    some of the things
    they say are that Mark

    reacted very negatively
    to food and to feeding

    and Ethan experienced
    that as well and that

    Mark was really sick
    as a baby and as a

    young child and Ethan
    was very sick as a baby

    and as a young child
    that Mark was delayed

    in learning to walk
    and to talk and Ethan

    was delayed in learning
    to walk and to talk

    and so this was fascinating
    to me and then a

    nurse comes in and
    brings Mark a paracetamol

    to take that's British
    for acetaminophen.

    I work in pharmacy,
    so I know.

    And Mark's having a
    hard time breathing

    in this show. So they
    pull his oxygen mask

    down, and the nurse
    gives him a cup, and

    Mark takes a hold
    of this cup, and he

    has Ethan's hands. And
    the way he holds the

    cup is the way my
    brother holds a cup.

    The way he swallows
    is the way my brother

    swallows. The way he
    breathes is the way

    my brother breathes.
    And my head explodes.

    I can't believe
    what I'm seeing.

    And the next thing
    that happens is Mark's

    mother starts to talk
    about their pediatrician

    and how they had
    a very bright and

    intelligent and determined
    pediatrician who

    really looked through
    a ton of textbooks and

    observed Mark and
    finally diagnosed him

    with a very rare
    genetic condition called

    ****** syndrome, which
    I had never heard of.

    And I'm in awe of
    the show, and I

    think, did I
    just discover my

    brother's diagnosis
    after 50 years?

    And I want to call my mom

    and dad so desperately,

    but they're both
    deceased, so I can't call

    them. And it's like
    3 o'clock in the

    morning. I have nobody to
    call. I'm just wandering

    around my house in
    this wonder and awe

    of what I've just
    watched. It was awful.

    But what I do do is,
    as soon as possible,

    I make an appointment
    for him to have a

    test done. I make an
    appointment with his

    primary care doctor
    here at the U to have a

    test done to test him
    for ****** syndrome.

    Personally, I didn't
    need the test. That

    hand holding that cup
    was the test for me,

    but no one would
    believe me, obviously.

    But my sister and I
    go with the doctor

    to the doctor's
    office, and he agrees

    to test Ethan for
    that. He said the

    test would take
    three weeks to come

    back. It took a week,
    and the test came

    back positive for
    ****** syndrome.

    Now, it might seem
    strange as siblings, and

    there's four, five of
    us total, Ethan and

    then the four siblings
    that we would be

    overjoyed with this
    diagnosis but we were because

    knowledge is power and
    the unknown is awful

    and we were overjoyed
    to have a diagnosis

    after all this time
    and so we got together

    and we're going to sit
    down and tell Ethan

    and I was a little
    worried about how Ethan

    might take this news
    but we sat down and we

    talked about it with
    Ethan and my little

    sister had told him even
    that there was a Facebook

    group with, you know,
    all these patients

    who have ******
    syndrome, and we were

    discussing it with him.
    And I'll never forget,

    he got a grin on his
    face, and then all of a

    sudden he said, do you
    mean I'm not alone?

    And I'll never
    forget that.

    I can't imagine what
    this has been like

    for him, to think
    he's alone his whole

    life, and then to know
    that he's not, and

    that there are others
    who have struggles

    and challenges, just
    like he has had.

    And so that
    was an amazing

    moment for us
    in this story.

    A couple of days later,
    I'm riding home on

    the bus, and the
    thought washes over me.

    My Aunt Connie had
    ****** syndrome.

    So my mom's little
    sister, my Aunt

    Connie, passed away
    in 1959 at the age

    of 12 after a heart
    surgery at Primary

    Children's where
    they were trying

    to correct a congenital
    heart defect.

    So one of the
    characteristics

    of ****** syndrome
    is that you

    can be born with
    a heart defect.

    Ethan gratefully was not,

    but my Aunt Connie was.

    So on the bus I
    look up Ethan's test

    results, and it says
    genetic counseling

    recommended, and I
    get a referral from

    Ethan's doctor for
    genetic counseling.

    That hasn't happened
    yet. We've made lots

    of phone calls, phone
    calls back and forth.

    They've said, oh, you
    need to call here,

    no there. So if anybody
    has any connections

    on how to make genetic
    counseling actually

    happen, that would
    be great to know,

    because we're really
    interested. This has

    affected, you know, as
    you can imagine, our

    extended family. We
    have some answers, but

    we also have lots of
    questions so we're

    still looking for the
    genetic counseling

    piece another characteristic
    of ****** syndrome

    is they have darker
    pigmented spots on

    their skin and ethan
    has these on his back

    so during that very
    first appointment we

    had where we requested
    the test for ******

    syndrome his doctor
    was looking at these

    and said oh he's got
    a mole on that right

    shoulder that does not
    look good. That needs

    to be removed. So it
    was, and unfortunately

    it came back as a
    malignant melanoma.

    And then because it
    was right here near his

    armpit where we have
    our lymph nodes, he

    was referred up to
    Huntsman and needed an

    actual surgery under
    general anesthesia where

    they had to remove
    the cancer and then a

    couple of lymph nodes
    and unfortunately one

    of the lymph nodes
    came back with a small

    cancerous tumor in
    it but we would never

    have been looking for
    that had I not seen

    this show had Mark not
    decided to do this show

    and we'd not made
    that appointment so

    this experience has
    probably saved Ethan's

    life But we're on that
    journey with him now.

    Back to the
    show, the doctor

    that's assisting Mark,

    they figure out what
    caused his seizure

    is that he had
    a severe lung

    infection and pneumonia.

    And the doctor says
    patients with ******

    syndrome are at risk for
    severe lung infections

    or pneumonias. And
    this reminded me that

    three years ago, Ethan
    was very sick with

    pneumonia. and was
    hospitalized here at the U.

    And at the same
    time, our father was

    dying, and he was
    hospitalized in Ogden.

    And that was a
    really rough time.

    Ethan started
    to do a little

    better and was
    discharged,

    and then our
    dad passed away.

    And then Ethan
    deteriorated and

    was readmitted,
    and he missed our

    father's funeral,
    which was awful.

    And I remember being
    with Ethan here

    at the U and a doctor
    saying to us, I

    just don't understand
    why he's so sick,

    why a young man is
    so sick like this.

    And I think back now
    how great it would have

    been to have a
    diagnosis, to say, he has

    ****** syndrome, and
    that's why he's so sick.

    And just in March, Ethan

    got double
    pneumonia again,

    and it was great to
    say, I have a diagnosis,

    and this is why
    he's so sick. And it

    did make a difference,
    and it was better.

    It was great to
    have a diagnosis.

    Diagnosis are important.

    One of the greatest
    parts of this journey

    for me has been I
    joined a Facebook

    group and the power
    of social media.

    It was a ******
    Syndrome Foundation

    Facebook group
    that connected me

    with Mark's parents,
    Ian and Leslie,

    in London. And we
    started emailing.

    And that's been a great
    experience because

    I wasn't able to talk
    to my own parents.

    It was awesome to be able

    to talk to
    Mark's parents.

    And they shared with
    me some similarities

    that I saw in my
    own parents and

    the way they both
    treated their sons.

    And I wanted
    to share that.

    They both wanted
    their children

    to be as independent
    as possible.

    They both saw the inner

    strength in
    their children.

    They both saw that
    their children

    had fantastic
    independent spirits.

    Both boys attended normal

    schools with
    special ed programs,

    and both parents
    are so proud

    of their son's
    accomplishments.

    And those things mirrored

    my parents as well.

    Then in one of the
    emails, we've been

    emailing back and forth
    and sharing pictures

    of grandchildren,
    which has been so

    fun. And then Ian,
    Mark's dad, sent me a

    picture of his back
    garden, which was

    absolutely beautiful,
    and I'm super jealous

    because I don't even have

    a back garden,
    so whatever.

    they're amazing
    but anyway

    Ian shared this with
    me in an email about

    Mark's decision to be
    on the show and I'm

    just going to read it
    because it's a quote

    when Mark ended up in
    St. George's and the

    cameras were there
    only one result was

    possible mom and dad I
    want to do it there was

    more to it than you
    might think footage

    from the hospital cameras
    and microphones then

    12 hours of filming
    at home, all boiling

    down to perhaps 40
    minutes of TV footage.

    Mark saw the
    first cut of the

    program, and it
    had his approval.

    The TV company were
    very good, very

    sensitive, and gave
    us a choice whether

    to go ahead after
    he passed away.

    There really was
    only one answer.

    What would Mark
    have wanted?

    It has been a force
    for good, and that is

    what Mark's life has
    been as well, a force

    for good. Over 400
    people attended our

    small church to celebrate
    his life, with local

    shops closing for the
    afternoon. Not many

    get that, but we do
    miss him dreadfully.

    We are so grateful
    for Mark's amazing and

    courageous decision
    to share his story.

    Without it, our family

    would still be wondering.

    And we're grateful for

    Ethan, who's
    with us tonight.

    He's an amazing
    man, and he unites

    our family in ways
    I can't explain.

    I'm grateful to
    my siblings and my

    parents, and for
    this opportunity to

    share this story
    with you. Thank you.
    Aimee Vincent/Health Care Stories 2022
    Transcription
    You know, the old
    saying is they save

    the best for last,
    but I don't really

    think that's true
    right now. Can we

    give everyone else
    a round of applause

    real quick? They've
    been phenomenal.

    They told me to
    dress comfortably,

    so my shoes
    are coming off.

    Although I do have to
    revisit the save the

    best for last. I am
    the fourth of four

    children, so I feel
    like my parents finally

    got it right. I don't
    know. So anyways, my

    colleagues tonight have
    done wonderful things,

    and it's really hard
    to kind of summarize

    two years of a pandemic
    in a short period

    of time, so I'll do
    my best to do that.

    Do you guys remember
    a few decades ago

    when flip books were
    super popular? you could

    fan through pages
    and pages in a quick

    little glimpse and
    it would show you the

    neatest little story
    I was fascinated with

    them as a kid I
    thought that they were

    really cool and while
    the story was very

    quick you would really
    think about how arduous

    it was to make all
    of those minute

    little changes and for
    me in trying to summarize

    the pandemic really
    little flip books

    of stories kind of
    take shape for me. And

    that's how I wanted
    to proceed tonight.

    Flip book one,

    fur babies.

    Just wait, it's good.

    So at the start of
    the pandemic, I was

    living alone in holiday
    with my two Brindle

    puppies, Kaya and
    Goose. And we'd been

    there for a year. We
    had a solid routine.

    I'd wake up in the
    morning take them for at

    least a mile of a
    walk get back home get

    showered get dressed go
    to work they would have

    the entire duplex to
    themselves and it had

    a massive backyard
    so they could get in

    and out by way of the
    doggy door off of the

    kitchen I'd get back
    home from work greet them

    they're maniacs and
    so they would jump all

    over me I'd get changed
    we'd go for another

    walk about two or so
    miles, and then we'd

    come back home and settle
    in for the evening.

    It was a quiet,
    peaceful existence, and

    we'd been accustomed
    to it for over a year.

    But you sprinkle
    a little global

    pandemic in the mix,
    and things shift

    just a little bit.
    I know, it's weird.

    So what happened
    was, I'll be honest,

    and you know, my
    family can attest,

    Kaya and Goose
    are kind of crazy.

    They're dogs.
    They like to bark.

    And never in the year
    prior had I ever had

    any complaints or any
    issues from the next

    door neighbors, nothing.
    Okay. So pandemic

    hits and it got crazy.
    So the people who lived

    in the duplex prior
    to me also had dogs.

    And one day I get a
    frantic phone call

    from one of the
    girls and they said,

    ah, we just got this
    crazy message. It's a

    lady who's totally
    threatening our dogs'

    lives. we're really
    unnerved but we now live in

    New York and our dogs
    are older and they

    don't really bark so
    we're thinking maybe it's

    for Kaya and Goose and
    I was like what and

    they said you know
    we're going to forward

    this to you but probably
    don't listen to it.

    Something about like
    a lady threatening

    the life of my dogs
    if they didn't stop

    barking and you know
    it kind of turned me on

    my head because I see
    my, you know, I see

    my puppies as my
    babies, and so I didn't

    want anything to happen
    to them. Well, the

    lady didn't stop at
    just the voicemail.

    She then wrote a
    letter, put it in an

    envelope addressed to
    neglectful dog owner,

    and she walked all
    the way up to my front

    door because my mailbox
    was right next to

    my door, and she put
    it in the mailbox. So

    I got home from work
    one day and I opened

    this letter and read
    this letter about,

    you know, I'm going
    to kill your dogs if

    they don't stop barking.
    And I'm like, that's

    not cool. So I went to
    the extent of talking

    to my friends in law
    enforcement and saying,

    what do I do with
    this? I called the

    police and, you know,
    without knowing who she

    was, they couldn't
    really do anything about

    it, but they documented
    it in case I came

    home and found them
    dead in the backyard. So

    super cool, made me
    feel at ease, clearly.

    But I had these dueling
    dichotomous feelings.

    So I'm a social worker
    at the hospital and

    for me you know I
    was trying to kind of

    find some compassion and
    so I thought well you

    know this lady's probably
    lived here. She's

    probably heard them
    bark before. What could

    change? What could
    have changed in you

    know COVID? So I thought
    well maybe she is in

    isolation. Maybe
    she's furloughed maybe

    she's home by herself
    and she's just going stir

    crazy so I tried to
    have that compassionate

    side of me but then
    at the same time like

    ultra protective
    considered buying like

    surveillance cameras
    just in case anything

    happened but my best
    friend Katie said you know

    what bring the dogs to
    my house in Harriman

    we'll take care of
    them we'll protect them

    nothing's going to
    happen so that's what

    we did so I would see
    my dogs when I'd go to

    their house okay flip
    book two it's not a

    vacation it's an
    alternative education so

    Katie and her kids just
    prior to the pandemic

    had gone through a massive
    life change imagine

    a snow globe you know
    with it's whatever

    snowman or picture in
    there that stays like

    it's stayed in place
    and you shake it and

    everything is just
    chaotic okay that's how

    I kind of saw things
    for them because they

    were going through this
    massive life change.

    Katie was going
    through a divorce

    after 20 years
    of marriage and

    that was chaotic
    in and of itself.

    She also has five
    children who at the

    time were ranging in
    age from seven to 19.

    And so their dad
    left the house at the

    beginning of March
    and each kid had their

    own process and their
    own feeling and their

    own emotions about
    him not being there.

    So they were all kind
    of mixed up. And then

    COVID came, right? It
    hit not long after.

    So now, you know,
    Katie's a single

    mother with five
    kids at home,

    four of whom were
    still in school.

    And school and society
    really shut down

    initially, if you
    recall. And then school

    was like, no, no,
    we're going to survive

    this. We got this.
    We're going online.

    And, you know, I
    don't know about you

    guys, but I wasn't
    trained as a teacher.

    Katie wasn't, well, Katie

    was trained as a teacher,

    but most parents
    were not prepared

    for the online format.
    So now a single

    mother of five kids
    at home needing

    to homeschool and
    still work and

    pay the bills, it
    was a little much.

    She asked her ex at
    the time if he would

    come over and help
    homeschool the kids.

    He didn't want anything
    to do with that.

    So she wasn't going to be

    able to do it on her own.

    I don't know many people

    that could at that point.

    So at the beginning of
    COVID, when we weren't

    quite sure what kind
    of personal health

    destruction was going to
    ensue, I, for the first

    time in my life, was
    able to work from

    home as a social worker.
    And so I had six weeks

    that I was able to
    work from home. So I

    would work shifts, sleep,
    homeschool kids. Katie

    would work shifts,
    sleep, homeschool kids.

    So we tag-teamed like
    that for the rest of

    the school year, we had
    many a come-to-Jesus

    conversation because
    the kids kind of thought

    that they were off
    the hook for school,

    but they weren't. So
    many come-to-Jesus

    conversations later in
    a few months, and, you

    know, we got through it
    all, and I promise you,

    all five kids are still
    alive to this day.

    All right, flip
    book three.

    Is this really
    how it ends.

    So much of the
    beginning was

    unknown about
    COVID-19, how it

    would impact
    your body system,

    what long-term effects
    it would have, who

    would be most
    vulnerable, and when the

    exact moment of
    infection and your immune

    system would tag
    team up on you and

    make you its next
    victim. So it was a very

    scary time, and for
    someone like me,

    who's had an autoimmune
    disease for nearly

    20 years, felt like
    a looming black

    cloud that was following
    me around, and I

    wasn't sure when it
    was going to hit me.

    And being, you know,
    in the house and

    homeschooling five
    kids, any of you

    who have children
    know that, you know,

    sometimes they just
    bring germs home.

    They're kind.

    They just gather germs
    from their friends

    and bring them home. So
    my risk of contracting

    COVID-19 was
    exponentially increased.

    So eventually on May
    1st, my six weeks of

    working from home
    terminated and I was back

    at the hospital. And
    man, what a weird

    experience. Like many
    of my colleagues have

    said tonight, I mean,
    there was no visitors.

    Nobody was allowed
    in the halls.

    Starbucks, which is one
    of the busiest in the

    state, totally quiet
    and totally chill. No

    chairs, no tables, no
    nothing. And it was a

    bizarre thing. You felt
    like you were walking

    into a petri dish of
    COVID and you weren't

    really sure what was
    going to happen or if

    you were going to, you
    know, get some of the

    germs and take them
    home to your people and

    infect them and all
    of that. So public

    transportation for me
    wasn't, didn't feel safe.

    So I'd drive to work
    every day. I would

    take a change of
    clothes at the end of

    my work day. I would
    change into that and

    be super cautious
    not to touch anything

    and then get my car
    and go back home.

    I was grateful that
    I still had a job

    and that I wasn't
    furloughed, but at

    the same time, it
    was incredibly scary

    not to know what
    could or couldn't

    happen just by being
    in the workforce.

    Flipbook four, did
    you just cough at me?

    With society's
    reopening came

    considerable
    judgment and kind

    of an us versus
    them thing.

    Utah unfortunately
    made national news or

    international news when
    a woman in southern

    Utah said that
    wearing a mask made it

    as hard for her to
    breathe as George Floyd

    when the officer
    kneeled on his neck.

    Not the way we want to

    make news, but
    that's okay.

    The virus then
    became political,

    and it further
    divided a nation

    that was already
    deeply wounded.

    Instead of showing
    compassion,

    camaraderie, we started
    judging everyone.

    Someone coughing
    or sneezing near

    you felt like a
    personal attack.

    We joked when
    that would happen

    and say, did you
    just threaten me?

    And, you know,
    let's be honest,

    it's still kind
    of funny, but it

    also, right, it
    also illuminates

    how fearful and
    self-preserving

    we can be as a society.

    For me, the facade
    of humanity fell

    and defensiveness
    gradually became normal.

    And I'm not sure
    how we get back to

    a place of camaraderie
    and compassion,

    but I hope that at
    some point we will.

    Flip book five,

    the strongest among us.

    In the household,

    there was Katie, me,

    Katie's mom, and
    five kids. And

    out of all of
    us, Katie by far

    had the strongest
    immune system.

    Her oldest, who's now
    21, has some asthma

    issues and has a
    diminished immune

    system at baseline.
    Her mom also has some

    health issues and
    age, advanced age,

    was always a factor
    kind of at the

    beginning of the
    pandemic and throughout.

    So we were really
    scared about

    either of them
    getting sick.

    And then you have
    me. I have had

    an autoimmune
    disease for nearly

    20 years. And I
    like to say that

    I've got a princess
    immune system

    because, you
    know, if I don't

    get a minimum of
    seven hours of

    sleep per night,
    I get sick.

    And I know what you're
    thinking. You're

    thinking, oh man,
    that's so great. I

    can't believe you
    have to get seven

    hours of sleep a night.
    It sounds glamorous.

    I know. Try not
    to be too jealous

    because it basically
    feels like I'm an 88

    year old person in a
    38 year old body and I

    really have to protect
    myself and pre-COVID

    as we now measure time
    a common cold would

    knock me out like so
    hard okay so for me

    I was also intensely
    terrified that I would

    get sick with COVID
    so and if I did forget

    about it like if that
    virus even so much

    as winked at me from
    across the room like be

    laid up in a hospital
    bed and comatose and

    ventilated. It would
    not be a good scene.

    So the family was all
    rallying around to

    be super protective
    and protect the three

    of us that had diminished
    immune systems.

    Well, Katie, with
    the strongest immune

    system, comes home
    from work one day

    and she said, you
    know, I don't feel that

    good. I've got a
    tickle in my throat.

    I'm congested.
    I can't taste or

    smell anything.
    And I was like,

    whoa, hold on. Ever since
    I was a kid, anytime

    I got sick I can't
    taste or smell anything

    and she said well
    that's not ever how it's

    been for me so she was
    adamant that she wear

    a mask around the house
    and socially distance

    from us at all times
    and I kind of teased

    her about it but
    surprise surprise she was

    right and she got the
    COVID positive test

    that came back so now
    we're all in a panic

    worried that everyone
    in the house could get

    sick she's isolated in
    a room at the front of

    the house that opens
    to the front yard and

    you know the best we
    could tell is that it

    was five minutes chatting
    with a friend still

    socially distanced
    but right like still

    following precautions
    but still got sick so it

    was during her 10-day
    isolation that I saw

    the full impact that
    COVID could have on the

    psyche she was super
    strong super valiant

    super cautious for the
    first couple of days

    and handled it really
    well, very impressively

    well, in fact. But then
    she started to, that

    loneliness and isolation
    kind of started to

    get to her. She started
    to get stir crazy.

    She would Lysol everything
    in the room. She

    would Lysol when she'd
    go to the bathroom.

    We would take plates
    of food to the

    door, leave it for
    her, both masks

    on both sides.
    When she was done,

    we'd go and take it
    and wash our hands,

    wash the dishes,
    all the things.

    And it was hard
    for me because I

    wanted to help and
    I wanted to fix

    the emotional
    pain that she had.

    And I couldn't.

    And some of that
    emotional pain

    was her own fear
    that she had exposed

    me and her mom
    and her oldest.

    So, you know, we did
    our best. I wanted to

    do anything that I
    could to help and make

    her isolation even just
    a little bit better.

    So we would read bedtime
    stories outside of

    the door. We'd FaceTime
    several times a day.

    it just wasn't wasn't
    enough it was it was

    too overwhelming for
    her so one day I went

    to the front of the
    house where the room

    opened up to and she
    didn't know I was out

    there I grabbed a few
    pieces of mulch from the

    flower beds and I
    started just tick tick

    tick on the window and
    she had no idea what

    was going on she's like
    looking around in the

    room what's going on
    finally she realizes

    it's coming from the
    window and she comes to

    the window with the
    biggest smile I'd seen

    since she went into
    isolation. So we spent

    the rest of the time,
    you know, being able

    to be unmasked from
    opposite sides of a window,

    and it made things
    a little bit easier.

    Flipbook six,

    COVID can't stop love.

    From the moment I met
    Katie six years ago,

    I was drawn to her.
    She's charismatic, she's

    brilliant, she's
    funny, and she's a

    ridiculously long list of
    other amazing qualities

    I always teased her
    that she could perhaps

    be a lesbian and she
    was like no no no no

    I'm not it's not a
    thing it's not a thing

    and I was like okay
    cool so the years go by

    I love that journey
    for you so the

    years go by we we go
    from casual acquaintance

    to friends to
    obviously, like,

    quarantined together
    and homeschooling kids.

    And then we started
    dating, we got engaged,

    and we got married
    on August 21st, 2021.

    Thank you. Thank you.

    I feel a little bit
    like Hitch. Do you

    guys remember that
    movie where he sets

    people up? I just set
    myself up. So follow

    me for more dating
    tips. You're welcome.

    flip book seven lessons
    learned COVID still

    here it still impacts
    us all I wish I could

    tell you when it would
    end or lessen its

    impact but some of
    these things are long

    lasting as you've heard
    from the other presenters

    we lost a lot of
    lives and that's not

    new information but
    it's intensely personal.

    I don't know when
    things are going to go

    back to normal. I don't
    know when we won't

    have to be masked at
    the hospital anymore.

    COVID's not biased about

    the people that
    it infects.

    Mask, no mask, precautions,
    no precautions.

    Social distancing,
    no social distancing.

    It just infects people.

    And that's the thing
    about viruses like

    this is that you're
    contagious before

    you're symptomatic so
    at any moment any one

    of us could have
    symptoms have illness

    and not know it and
    give it to someone

    else um so it may
    sound tragic and sad

    that that's how virus
    you know this virus

    works but in a way
    it kind of makes it

    easier to bear because
    for me COVID doesn't

    pick political sides
    it's not racist

    it and it is relentless
    against everyone

    in that way it makes
    me feel a little

    more unified with
    my fellow humans

    and that's all I
    can hold on to as it

    continues to evolve
    my will is stronger

    my tribe is
    stronger now with a

    wife five kids four
    dogs and a mother

    -in-law it's fine
    don't worry about it

    and I can't be
    sure that I'd

    have them if it
    wasn't for the

    chaos and
    isolation of COVID

    out of all the tragedy
    uncertainty fear and

    sadness there can still
    be peace and comfort

    and unconditional love
    just like trees have

    to lose their leaves
    and hibernate before

    their spring comes we
    all have hardships that

    can turn into beauty
    if we'll just allow it

    Thank you.
    James Mwizerwa/Health Care Stories 2022
    Transcription
    Hello everyone,
    sorry if you

    see me laughing
    I'm used to smile,

    so my name is
    James Mwizewa.

    I moved from Rwanda,
    I moved to the

    United States of
    America from Rwanda,

    a very small country
    in East Africa and

    I moved by the end
    of 2011 and got

    hired as a custodian
    here at the University

    Hospital by the
    beginning of 2012.

    Since then, up to now,

    I'm still employed
    within the same

    Environmental
    Services Department,

    but now as a supervisor.

    Thank you. Thank
    you so much for this

    great opportunity
    to be here today in

    order to help you
    stepping into the shoes

    of custodians and
    the whole EVS team.

    This will be to help
    you learning a little

    bit about what keeps
    us stay resilient

    and persevere through
    our demanding work.

    We are talking
    about resilience

    today because we
    as human beings,

    we as healthcare
    workers, we as

    custodians in
    that ambiguous

    situation of COVID
    -19 face fear.

    We face stress,

    we face challenges,

    hardship, crisis,
    and so on.

    As healthcare
    workers, the only

    option we have is to
    overcome and quickly

    adapt to the
    current situation.

    First of all, I
    would like to ask

    every one of you
    to put yourself

    in a position
    of a custodian.

    A custodian who is
    assigned to empty

    and transport tons
    of soiled linen,

    infectious, and
    regular waste.

    I know it may
    not be easy.

    I guess many of you
    don't have experience

    with hospital cleaning.
    But try to put

    yourself in a position
    of a custodian who

    is assigned to clean
    a precautionary room.

    Let's say, for example,

    a COVID-positive
    room with

    precautions
    such as droplet,

    airborne, and contact.

    Let's go back
    and think about

    custodians and what
    they do every day.

    These are employees
    who come to work

    every day with
    the same routine.

    Moving,

    lifting,

    heavy things, and
    using every part of

    their bodies to
    accomplish their duties.

    Most of the time,
    the task they perform

    to provide a clean
    and safe environment,

    they have to do
    those tasks, the

    same task, repetitively
    in a single day.

    obviously there is
    a secret that can

    prove you why
    there are so many

    custodians and EVA
    staff who have been

    doing this job
    for so many years

    so I'm going to share
    that secret with you

    so it's not going to
    be a secret anymore

    so I've been working
    at the university

    hospital for 10
    years and 42 days

    and I've seen many
    custodians and EVA staff

    who have been working
    there longer than I.

    I've seen many
    who are able to

    get their retirements
    after working

    there for more
    than 20 years.

    If we ask everyone
    here about resilience,

    everybody can talk about

    the balance
    of resilience.

    resilience differently.

    But as an EVS employee,

    let me tell you where our

    resilience comes from.

    Like anyone else, there
    are two interactions

    that happens in our
    daily routine between

    two sides, the negative
    experiences that

    we face every day,
    and positive outcomes.

    It's a kind of
    fight between these

    two, and only
    one needs to win.

    When our brain
    only focuses and

    thinks about
    all the negative

    experiences that
    we face every day,

    our resilience scale
    looks terrible.

    That's when we only
    think and focus

    on something
    like, this is an

    entry-level job,
    a custodial job.

    It doesn't pay big money

    compared to some
    other positions.

    You have to deal with

    precaution complexities,

    such as dealing with
    a COVID positive room,

    cleaning a COVID
    positive room, or

    cleaning any other room
    which has different

    kind of infectious
    diseases and then that's

    when you think about
    some other family

    problems and so on
    but as custodians and

    health and EVA staff
    this undesirable

    character of someone
    who is a loser a fixed

    mindset person
    and a discouraged

    person doesn't
    define who truly

    we are. We are
    better than this.

    Just think about
    that dirty COVID

    positive room that
    I was talking about.

    See how it looks.

    Very messy. Dirty.
    Infected. and think

    about how it looks
    after the whole process

    that we go through
    to clean, disinfect,

    and make it ready for
    the next new patient

    admit without any
    cross-contamination.

    Think about patient
    feedback who can appreciate

    our effort and recognize
    the environment

    as clean, safe, and
    comfortable for them.

    Think about feedback
    of our colleagues,

    clinical staff,
    who can offer

    encouragement to us
    and appreciate the

    health environment
    that we provide.

    To be honest with you,

    There is one
    thing that will

    balance our
    resilience scale.

    When seeing our
    patients and

    business partners
    happy, being happy,

    that's the number
    one that will

    balance our
    resilience scale.

    Then when we think about

    some other
    positive outcomes,

    such as the salary
    that was not even

    stopped during that
    crazy time of COVID-19

    when many of other
    companies were closed,

    the great working
    environment,

    and the healthy working

    environment with
    leaders who care.

    When we consider
    all of this,

    it shows like our
    balance became like the

    negative experience so
    light and meaningless.

    knowing that
    we contribute

    to the good patient
    outcome that

    itself makes us
    makes a sense

    of pride in the
    work that we do

    so

    I want to, today is
    the day to share a

    story and I would
    like to share today

    two stories while I'm
    about to conclude.

    So when we are talking

    about leaders who care,

    it doesn't mean
    leaders who are always

    thinking and focusing
    on the salary

    increase of the
    employees or any

    other monetary
    recognition. Don't get

    me wrong. That's
    also very important.

    But leaders who
    are taking time,

    who are investing
    the effort in

    mental health of
    the employees,

    leaders who
    are taking time

    to listen to
    the employees,

    and leaders who
    are proactive

    are always the best.

    These leaders don't
    only help employees to

    be happy, engaged,
    productive, but they

    also help employees
    to be more resilient.

    Between two
    to three years

    ago, so before COVID,

    our leaders started
    what they called value

    culture huddles. We
    usually call them rocks

    -on-the-shoes sessions,
    where employees can

    help to identify those
    small problems that

    can add up to be a
    stressful environment.

    Employees also can
    participate to remove

    those rocks on their
    shoes so that they

    can work in a very
    good environment.

    our leaders were able
    to discover a very

    important thing that
    employees want to

    be heard it started
    with leaders and now

    it's at the custodial
    level in my team

    we are counting about
    35 programs that

    were identified
    from the employees

    Not a single problem
    is to be ignored.

    So we work
    together to remove

    those rocks on
    their shoes.

    As a result of this, we
    recently participated

    in our quarterly
    wear check survey.

    My team had a
    participation rate

    of 79%. And we
    scored higher than

    2021, than 2020
    in all categories.

    It's great to have
    leaders who have vision.

    This happened
    before COVID.

    It was much
    easier to keep

    our staff more resilient.

    The last story.

    between four
    to five years

    ago. I don't
    remember the date.

    So we had a big incident

    where patients from
    the emergency room

    had to be evacuated
    from emergency

    room to different
    inpatient units. And

    some patients were
    in the hallways.

    the main steam
    line in front

    of the hospital had bust

    so when the incident
    was clear we were

    asked to make sure
    that emergency room is

    cleaned within 45 minutes
    just in that range

    it was tough

    but we got help

    You know, we have a
    very good communication.

    We had help from
    all environmental

    services teams
    to come and help.

    I'm telling
    you the truth.

    Within that,
    during that time,

    like at the
    end, 45 minutes,

    the whole emergency
    room was cleaned,

    disinfected, and
    ready for patients.

    so I don't think you can

    imagine how happy we were

    celebrating

    with a big smile
    on our faces

    so what that shows you

    our happiness

    comes mainly from
    the care that we give

    that's the number
    one that will

    keep us coming to
    work every day.

    We know money is very
    important in life,

    but with what
    we do every day,

    it's more about passion
    than anything else.

    It seems to us that
    we are fighting a

    good fight and we
    are celebrating and

    finishing our races
    every single day.

    Thank you so much.
    Gretchen Case/Health Care Stories 2022
    Transcription
    Way up high,
    near the ceiling

    of most theaters,
    many theaters,

    there's a series of
    metal catwalks. And

    those are meant so
    that you can get to

    the lights and the
    electronics and

    everything. They're
    very narrow metal

    grates, and they're
    not particularly safe.

    So, of course,
    when I was 16 and

    away at a theater
    summer program,

    I took advantage of
    an unlocked window

    in the light booth
    in the back of

    the theater to go
    up on the catwalks.

    So I was thrilled with
    this new view of the

    space. I was maybe 50
    feet above where you

    are now, and I walked
    quickly and silently

    because I didn't want
    anyone to hear me.

    But what I didn't
    know at the time is

    also in most theaters
    that have catwalks,

    the catwalks in
    the house where

    you're sitting and
    the catwalks backstage

    are separated
    by a large break

    so that the curtain
    can come across.

    so as I walked quickly
    silently I suddenly

    stepped out into nothing
    darkness emptiness

    Friday the 13th March
    2020 I was sitting

    in the atrium of the
    health sciences education

    building if you know
    the health sciences

    building up there I
    teach here I teach

    at the U health
    sciences mostly medical

    students I was sitting
    with a bunch of my

    colleagues also teachers
    it's a very strange

    time to be in
    healthcare. It's a very

    strange time to be in
    healthcare education.

    Here I am.

    If you know the
    atrium, you know that

    the space is four
    stories high of glass

    and there's a big
    glass ceiling and it's

    meant to be a space
    full of light and

    air. But what my
    friends and I felt

    was something enormous
    pressing down on

    us because we had
    just heard that we

    would be teaching
    medical school online.

    We would be teaching
    medical school

    online on Monday.
    We would be

    teaching medical
    school online, and

    that had to happen
    over the weekend.

    So we knew something big,

    something important
    was coming,

    but of course we
    didn't know what.

    But we stepped
    out into nothing,

    darkness,

    emptiness, and we
    wouldn't return to that

    building, that atrium
    for more than a year.

    Right away, I
    became kind of

    an air traffic
    controller.

    I gathered all the
    electronics I could, my

    laptop, my old laptop,
    my monitor, my old

    monitor, my phone,
    my old phone, and I

    moved from my office
    up in the School of

    Medicine in the basement
    to the basement of

    my house, where at
    least I had a window.

    And I gathered all
    my screens around me.

    Immediately,
    I came up with

    some kind of
    Zoom personas.

    So teacher on Zoom,

    colleague on Zoom,

    parent on Zoom.

    As a teacher, when
    I was teaching

    on Zoom, I went
    for very calm and

    professional at
    the shoulders and

    the head, right,
    the little box.

    Meanwhile, my fingers
    were madly going across

    keyboards. I was
    making sure PowerPoint

    slides were going, that
    guest speakers were

    speaking, that faculty
    and students were

    talking to each other.
    and then below those

    frantic hands were
    my legs which were in

    pajamas because I
    learned really early on

    that all you have to
    do is throw a scarf and

    a necklace over your
    pajamas or your sweats

    and you look just
    fine to teach on Zoom.

    So as a colleague
    on Zoom and I

    have to say it's
    really hard to be

    an extrovert
    during a pandemic,

    I kind of turned into
    a class clown. So in

    every meeting I
    would put jokes and

    disruptive comments in
    the chat. I would use

    the filters, you know,
    for comedic effect.

    In one meeting I
    performed a pandemic

    parody that I
    had written of I

    Dreamed a Dream
    from Les Miserables.

    And to be clear, that was

    not my task for
    that meeting.

    Nobody wanted that.

    When I was Zooming,
    I was also parenting,

    and when I was
    parenting, I was also

    Zooming. So I became
    expert at blocking the

    65-pound child who
    was coming at me hard

    while I was trying to
    have a conversation.

    And I could do that
    without missing a beat.

    Except when I did
    miss a beat, and the

    65-pound child
    crashed into my lap,

    and the conversation
    went on anyway.

    I mean, everybody had
    a child or a dog or

    a cat or a Peloton
    in their screen, too.

    So many of us were
    living our lives,

    doing our jobs,
    inside our screens,

    inside our houses.

    Maybe this is what
    happened to you.

    Nothing, really.

    Maybe you're
    thinking, Gretchen,

    nothing really
    happened to you.

    I'm a historian by
    training, and so when

    something big,
    something historic,

    something momentous
    happens. I want to know

    the stories. I ask
    people for their

    stories. I want to
    know what's happening

    out there on the
    front lines in the

    hospital, in the
    clinic, in the streets.

    And so I asked people
    for their stories.

    And so in many of
    these Zoom meetings, I

    ended up listening to
    death and suffering.

    I recorded some of
    them for posterity

    with permission, and
    others would just well

    up crashing into
    another conversation.

    I listened to death
    and suffering all

    day and replayed it
    in my head all night.

    I was spared
    the worst. I was

    never in the
    room with death.

    I was left
    with the worst.

    I was never in the room.

    I offered witness and
    comfort and condolences,

    but it was always
    distant, remote,

    because I was always
    on the other side

    of a screen on the
    other end of a signal.

    I was never in the room.

    So I spent my days
    listening to death

    and suffering, and
    then I heard people

    who didn't believe,
    maybe because they

    weren't in the room,
    who didn't offer

    condolences, who
    didn't offer witness.

    And I wondered, maybe
    this isn't real. I

    mean, there's lots of
    other things going on,

    and the sun is shining,
    and the rain and snow

    are falling, and the
    plants are cycling

    through their seasons,
    the children are growing,

    and certainly the news
    was full of lots of

    other things, lots of
    other things. My friend

    Donna calls it the
    divine reset of 2020.

    So maybe none of
    this was happening.

    There was nothing
    to witness.

    For months and months,
    I went to sleep with

    tears in my eyes, and
    I woke up with tears

    in my eyes, and I
    dreamed of an escape.

    And every time I woke up

    back to whatever
    this was,

    wondering if it was real.

    most of those deaths
    that I heard about

    weren't mine they were
    someone else's story

    but some of them
    were mine one

    two three four
    five six seven

    eight eight of
    my people dead

    there were no
    funerals one zoom

    memorial in the
    midst of this nothing

    darkness
    emptiness I still

    can't see the holes
    that they left.

    When the vaccines
    arrived, I was

    first one in line.
    As soon as I was

    eligible, I got an
    appointment, and

    then I reacted
    badly to the vaccine

    and ended up in
    the emergency room,

    emergency department.

    So then I worked
    with my doctors

    because I was
    darn sure going to

    get vaccinated,
    and we tried again.

    And I was worried
    then about was the

    virus or the vaccine
    going to make me

    sicker. And I joked
    about this with the

    nurses and the EMTs
    who were watching me

    like hawks, like
    bored, exhausted hawks,

    as I tried to get
    the vaccine again.

    And I still don't
    really know what my

    immune system's
    up to. Am I fully

    vaccinated? Am I high
    risk? Am I just weird?

    So I just keep waiting

    and watching and testing.

    Two years in now, and I

    haven't tested
    positive yet.

    nothing.

    A whole lot
    of nothing has

    happened to a
    whole lot of us.

    Nothing is not nothing.

    If you've ever jumped
    or fallen from a

    significant height,
    you know there's

    this ridiculous
    moment in the middle

    where you're kind of
    trying to claw yourself

    back up to where
    you jumped from.

    Or maybe you're more
    dignified than I

    am. But I basically
    turn into a cartoon

    character and my
    arms and legs are

    going full speed
    as I fall into the

    water or whatever
    is saving me below.

    But in those moments,
    I don't scream

    like some people do.
    I'm silent. My lungs

    are the only things
    that are still.

    There's this moment of

    transformation.
    It's thrilling,

    terrifying,

    Suspension.

    I know it's
    going to end, but

    I lose the ability
    to count the

    seconds as I
    flail downwards.

    Along with many of
    my friends, I've

    publicly counted the
    days of this pandemic.

    It's a way of
    cheering ourselves on.

    This is day 741.

    741 days since Friday

    the 13th, March 2020. 20.

    But privately, I
    count the hours.

    It seems more reasonable
    when I'm dealing

    with so much nothing,
    darkness, emptiness.

    Maybe the next hour
    will hold something,

    anything.

    Maybe I can hold on
    for one more hour.

    Maybe emptiness
    has edges.

    Maybe I can catch one

    and pull myself back up.

    Back in that
    long-ago theater,

    somehow my
    hands were still

    on the rails
    of the catwalk,

    and I gripped on hard,
    and I pulled back,

    and I caught my toe on
    the edge of the grate,

    and I dragged myself

    back up to the catwalk.

    I stood up, turned
    around, walked

    back to the light
    booth, climbed through

    the window, and
    left the theater.

    I hadn't made a sound
    the entire time.

    It was a long time
    before I talked about

    that moment because,
    first of all, I

    knew I would get in
    really big trouble,

    but also because I
    wasn't sure if it

    had happened or
    what had happened.

    Nothing happened.

    It was nothing.

    It wasn't nothing.
    Devin Horton/Health Care Stories 2022
    Transcription
    The beginning.

    The pandemic
    started for me in

    earnest on February
    24th, 2020.

    I know the date
    because I took a

    screenshot of the
    New York Times

    alert that woke me
    up that morning.

    Stock market
    drops as investors

    panic for the
    spreading coronavirus.

    Before that, it
    had been kind of

    a background noise
    like an Ebola

    outbreak in some
    faraway land.

    But in the next
    several weeks as we all

    watched aghast at
    Italy and then New

    York going up in
    flames, we could feel

    the drumbeat heading
    towards our door.

    My first shift
    after COVID finally

    hit Utah was in
    March of 2020.

    Quarantine was in
    effect, and my drive

    up to the hospital
    at 5 p.m. was as if

    through a post-apocalyptic
    movie or novel.

    My neighborhood of
    9th and 9th, usually

    bustling with
    activity in the coffee

    garden and the
    restaurants, was empty.

    I waited at the
    stoplight on 9th South,

    watching the light
    cycle from red to yellow

    to green. Me, the
    only car on the road.

    All the restaurants
    had closed signs.

    As I made my way through
    the University of

    Utah campus and the
    hospital parking lot,

    usually teeming
    with activity as

    people try to
    rush to get home,

    a ghost town.

    The hallways in the
    hospital were eerie.

    When I first got
    there, I texted

    my partner who
    had been on the

    new COVID team
    for a week now.

    I needed to learn how
    to put on the PPE,

    the protective
    equipment, the masks,

    the air, the air
    hoods and the gowns.

    I'd gone through
    the classes and seen

    the online activities
    and what is all

    kind of in a dazed
    motion, pushing buttons

    and being told
    where not to touch.

    So I met Emily Signer
    in the hallway.

    Her and Natalie
    Como and Danny Babel

    were three of these
    smart, brave doctors

    just six months out
    of residency, and

    they were the tip
    of the spear for us

    as the COVID came
    through our doors.

    So Emily walked me
    through where not to

    touch and how to go
    about putting all

    this equipment, because
    it mattered now.

    There's so much
    we didn't know. We

    knew that the virus
    was contagious,

    but we didn't know
    how contagious.

    We knew that there
    was refrigerated vans

    outside of hospitals
    in New York City.

    We knew that
    nurses and doctors

    had gotten sick and died.

    So I looked to her
    and said, okay,

    show me how to do
    this. And about an

    hour later, I got
    my first patient.

    COVID positive,
    low oxygen.

    Okay, let's do this.

    I stood outside the
    room and my heart was

    beating, my hands
    trembling a little bit.

    I'm naturally
    a little bit

    clumsy and pretty
    distracted.

    And I just kept
    thinking to myself, I'm

    going to infect myself.
    I'm going to get

    infected. I'm going
    to infect myself.

    The night before,
    I'd had nightmares.

    I was intubated
    and sick in the

    ICU, and my family
    was trying to get

    to my wife's home
    in Mexico City.

    Not long after that,

    it hit close to home.

    Two of the partners in my

    group, two of
    the doctors,

    their parents got sick.

    The first partner,
    his dad came down

    with a fever and a
    cough. He was admitted

    to our hospital,
    to our hospital

    floor, we took care
    of him, to our ICU.

    And then came the
    day that he was just

    too sick and he needed
    to be intubated.

    And my partner, Ryan
    Murphy, who's so pragmatic

    and so stoic in all
    circumstances, knew

    his dad's age, knew
    how much oxygen he was

    on, and he gathered
    his family on FaceTime

    for all rights and
    purposes to say goodbye.

    His dad survived,
    thank God.

    But my other
    partner's dad did not.

    He had to fly back
    east for the funeral,

    and while he was at the
    funeral, his grandpa

    fell ill, and his
    grandpa died as well.

    The quarantine set
    in, the lockdown set

    in, and things got
    better in the hospitals.

    In fact, patients
    just, it was empty.

    And we kind of
    looked at each other

    awkwardly We
    threw our goggles

    and our masks
    and shrugged our

    shoulders like, is
    this going to come?

    But as spring turned to

    summer and
    summer to fall,

    quarantine
    fatigue set in and

    people started
    to get sick.

    Right around that
    time, me and some of

    my partners took
    over the inpatient

    medical service in
    a hospital in Tooele

    called Mountain
    West Medical Center.

    and there were many
    weeks that were terrible

    during during that
    wave but the first week

    stands out the most for
    me the first bad week

    our four little ICU
    beds were full all

    with COVID pneumonia
    two 37 year olds two 85

    year olds all on absolute
    maximum amounts of

    oxygen no ICU beds in
    the big medical centers

    were open were available
    they're all full

    and so I called
    around and

    finally I found a
    bed in Timpanogos

    with an intensive
    care doctor

    and I told him about
    my four patients and

    I could hear the
    fatigue on his end and

    he said we'll take
    one of the 37 year

    olds but we're not
    going to take an 85

    year old they're going
    to come to our hospital

    fill up our bed and
    they're going to

    die anyways and as
    the 85 year old got

    worse and started
    dying at our hospital.

    His daughter would stand

    outside the room
    day and night

    and any time the
    oxygen would dip or

    he started working
    harder to breathe,

    she would fall to
    her knees and she

    would plead and pray
    and cry, sometimes

    in English and
    sometimes in Spanish.

    And as the 37-year
    -old got worse,

    we knew that in
    order to transport

    him, we would need
    to intubate him.

    He was a giant
    of a man, a big

    Pacific Islander
    guy who'd been

    a football star
    in high school.

    He had three beautiful

    kids at home and a wife.

    And every day we'd
    tell him, you need to

    be intubated. We
    need to intubate you.

    That's the next step.
    And every day he'd

    just shake his head
    and say, no, not today.

    Until finally, he
    became so sick and

    confused that he could
    no longer say no. And

    with consent from his
    family, we intubated

    him and sent him
    on a, and his lungs

    were so sick and so
    fibrotic and stiff

    that the ventilator
    couldn't ventilate his

    lungs and his oxygen
    dropped and he went into

    shock and his knees
    turned blue and cold.

    And as we
    stabilized him and

    got him on the
    helicopter to the

    University of
    Utah Medical ICU

    where a wonderful
    colleague of mine,

    Beth Middleton,
    took over his care.

    and she was able
    to stabilize

    him for a couple days

    but his lungs were
    still too sick

    and he would
    need to be put

    on a lung bypass machine

    and the night before
    he was to be put on it

    all his organs
    started to fail and

    he was too sick
    the next morning

    and he passed away
    several days later

    those three
    kids with a mark

    on their lives
    forever However,

    a GoFundMe link
    was forwarded to me

    several days or weeks
    later for his family.

    A picture of him,
    obviously not sick,

    with his three
    kids and his wife.

    He was known
    as the gentle

    giant in his community.

    And for the
    first time in the

    pandemic, I had
    tears in my eyes.

    During that time, the

    country was
    ripping apart.

    There was toxic politics.

    There was tear
    gas in the streets

    of Washington, T
    .C. and Washington

    staff walking
    through them.

    My African-American
    brothers and

    sisters were
    suffering so much

    after they watched
    one of their sons

    be suffocated
    for nine minutes.

    I started waking
    up at 3 and 4 in

    the morning, and
    I couldn't sleep.

    I felt hollow.

    There was just so much.
    I couldn't find the

    edges of everything
    to get my arms around.

    And there came
    a point when I

    was so sad from
    it all that I

    didn't want to
    live anymore.

    And I texted a friend
    one day when I was

    under a cloud of
    sadness. And I said,

    buddy, I'm not
    doing okay.

    I'm sad.

    I'm so, so sad.

    In the fall of 2021,

    the first wave had

    passed and Delta crashed.

    Delta was different.

    We were all
    different by then.

    Our elderly had gotten
    vaccinated and a lot

    of our at-risk folks
    had gotten vaccinated.

    and the illnesses
    were preventable

    and the patients
    were mad.

    Sometimes they
    were indignant.

    They would get
    angry at us when

    we talked to them
    about vaccines.

    They'd swear at us when

    we'd talk about
    intubation.

    They'd threaten
    to sue us.

    And my sadness turned to

    anger and frustration.

    But there was still
    a lot of sadness.

    Delta was ferocious.

    Whole families would
    be hospitalized.

    We had a 65-year-old
    who was admitted,

    who was intubated within

    hours of getting
    to the floor.

    Five hours later,
    his daughter was

    admitted, and she
    was intubated.

    The daughter died, and
    the father survived.

    I took care of another
    woman who her and

    her sister had both
    been admitted in the

    same week, and only
    one of them survived.

    None of it
    made any sense.

    January 2022,

    Omicron crested.

    And despite all we'd gone

    through the
    previous two years,

    it nearly broke us.

    The nurses had left. We

    were in a
    nursing shortage.

    Doctors and providers
    were working

    extra shifts
    because so many of

    us were sick with
    COVID at home.

    Everyone was on edge.

    Everyone was irritable.

    And then it happened.

    The thing that my family

    had worried
    about the most,

    and that was
    having someone

    in our family get sick.

    Can't breathe.

    Or he can't breathe.

    My wife texted me.

    Her younger brother,

    Her younger brother, her

    closest sibling,
    was sick.

    And they texted in the
    family text room, the

    CT scan of his lungs,
    and they were awful.

    They were scared we
    were going to lose him.

    And he FaceTimed us from

    his hospital
    bed that night.

    You could see he was

    working hard to breathe.

    You could hear
    the oxygen,

    the high-flow oxygen

    blowing away in the room.

    And the whole family

    was FaceTiming him, and,

    you know, we were
    saying our goodbyes.

    And my wife's
    mom, his mom,

    was just paralyzed
    with fear.

    her youngest child

    was so sick

    and

    it was so

    so frustrating
    because here

    we couldn't give
    away vaccines

    and there there
    was these massive

    shortages and they
    had to wait for months

    and he hadn't
    gotten his booster

    yet just because
    he had to wait

    and so he looked
    at his mom

    And he said,

    Ma,

    toma agua, mama.

    Toma agua.

    Drink water, mom.

    And having been
    a part of this

    culture and their
    family for 10 years,

    this meant so much more

    than just drink water.

    This was mom.

    I see you, I see that
    you're suffering,

    and when the family
    said this to each

    other, when the
    family usually says

    this to each other,
    it's, you know, with

    a concerned face and
    with eye contact,

    and it's when anyone
    has a headache,

    or is tired, or is
    having a bad day, or

    and they look at you,
    and they say, drink

    water, and it means,
    you know, I see you, I

    see that you're suffering,
    I see that you're

    sick, and I love you,
    and I want to help you,

    and this is what he
    was saying to his mom.

    Up the next morning,
    he was intubated.

    He'd gotten sick
    in the night, and

    my wife had stayed
    up all night.

    And so while
    Omicron was raging

    through our
    hospital here,

    we walked around
    in kind of a daze,

    praying and hoping,

    and as so many of
    our patients and

    families had done for
    the last two years,

    but he survived

    and we're so grateful
    that he survived

    I've changed

    through all of this
    I think we all have

    and

    you know I think I've

    changed for the better

    maybe that's a cliche
    way to end this

    story but I think
    I am a better me

    like water in a storm.
    It became very hard

    to see as the various
    layers of my life

    were thrown about in
    a swirly randomness.

    But as the sediment
    started to settle,

    the things that matter

    really began to
    separate out.

    And I can see now
    more clearly than

    I ever have been
    able to before.

    Thank you.
    Kavish Choudary/Health Care Stories 2022
    Transcription
    So thank you for the
    opportunity to speak.

    I've not really put
    together much of a

    story. I have a
    couple of reflections

    looking back over
    the last two years.

    COVID's been interesting
    for a lot of us.

    When I spoke with
    Robin and Megan

    about this earlier
    this week when they

    asked me to present,
    they said, oh,

    you're the only
    speaker that had a

    kid in the middle
    of the pandemic.

    Wasn't the best idea, but

    it's definitely
    been worth it.

    I look back over the
    last two years and I

    know most of you know
    me for my role working

    on the vaccine clinics
    and you know I'm

    definitely very proud
    of that and thrilled

    that it probably helped
    vaccinate most of

    all you in the room
    or direct you through

    the vaccine clinic
    but look back and it's

    there's a lot of things
    I learned from COVID

    in general and a lot
    of it starts actually

    before the pandemic
    even came into place

    in the states I
    think back of all in

    November of 19 and just
    in December 2019 just

    thinking about how we
    were we heard about

    this virus in China
    and we were trying to

    figure out is it going
    to impact us what's

    our plan and I look back
    over the last couple

    years and I think
    about what have I

    learned well I learned
    that expect the unexpected

    I can learn that
    there is actually

    inherent good in people
    I also learned that

    what are your priorities
    so look over the last

    two years and recognize
    that personally

    when assigned a
    task or there's

    an opportunity to help my

    fellow person I
    want to jump in

    unfortunately at times
    I may have that tunnel

    vision and I may
    forget about what's

    actually truly important
    so look back at the

    pandemic and as I
    mentioned I kind of go in

    chronological order
    here so late 2019 we

    start planning you know
    myself and my colleagues

    in the pharmacy
    department start figuring

    out what drugs do
    we need to start

    stocking up on what
    supplies do we need to get

    Where are we
    going to store it?

    You know, fast
    forward a few

    months into
    November, I'm sorry,

    into early 2020,
    we start getting

    reports from
    our friends in

    New York and
    our friends in

    California about
    what to expect.

    So we'll start stocking
    up on midazolam,

    start stocking up on
    propofol, start stocking

    up on fentanyl. So
    we start doing that.

    We start planning
    for something we

    think is going to
    hit us, but we don't

    know how hard it's
    going to hit us.

    So again, the
    laser focus and the

    tunnel vision on
    what we need to

    do to take care
    of our patients.

    And as I mentioned,
    we were expecting. So

    looking back at November
    and December 2019

    is when we found out
    we were going to have

    a beautiful little
    girl. Well, we

    didn't know at
    the time it was

    going to be a girl,
    but we found out

    we're expecting
    in July of 2020.

    But all my intention

    was going towards COVID.

    Fast forward to,
    I think the date

    has been said a
    couple of times, but

    I do distinctly
    remember March 13th,

    I remember at a team
    meeting, we talked

    about what if we have
    to go remote? What if

    the school shut down?
    What is our plan?

    It's a beautiful plan.

    We wrapped up the
    meeting at 3 o'clock.

    3.15, the
    governor announces

    they're shutting
    down the state.

    Call everybody back in.

    We meet and say,
    okay, let's come back

    with new plans. We'll
    meet on Sunday night.

    Over the weekend, a few
    of my colleagues and

    I have been executing
    our plans for what

    we've been doing over
    the last few months of

    stocking up on product.
    Started calling off

    our off-site locations,
    all the community

    clinics and start
    bringing back the product

    to the to the main
    hospital we spent the

    weekend curing product
    back and forth getting

    it all to the second
    level of the ACC or

    area E on Sunday night
    we meet as a team we

    have a virtual call
    we go through what is

    our game plan we were
    able to push about 40

    to 50 percent of our
    staff remote very quickly

    we all the shuffle
    around schedules and

    identify what was truly
    gonna be the essential

    staff members that
    had to be physically

    at a hospital campus
    or in the end of the

    pharmacies we executed
    pretty well again tunnel

    vision and we had a
    laser focus on this

    as we start pulling
    all the product into

    area e through the
    weekend and into tuesday

    monday and tuesday
    so i remember it was

    st patrick's day um
    and we were all joking

    that none of us were
    in green we pulled

    in about 300 pallets
    weighing each about 5

    000 pounds into the
    south corner of the

    second floor of ARAE.
    So just a quick math.

    That's 1.5 million pounds

    in a very small space.

    After we got done
    moving all the stuff

    in, we realized this
    is a really bad idea.

    So we called *****
    North, our friend in

    facilities. ***** comes
    running up, and he

    goes, oh yeah, this
    is a really bad idea.

    So we then spend
    the next eight hours

    calling my wife
    going, I will

    be home very
    late tonight.

    Again, focus on the work,

    focus on the
    patient care.

    And I call her
    saying, I'm not

    going to be coming
    home for a while.

    *****, myself,
    and Russell Finley

    spent the next
    eight hours moving

    300 pallets away
    from that space.

    We get done about 10 or

    11 o'clock that night.

    We all just laugh
    and go, huh,

    wouldn't it be funny if
    there's an earthquake?

    I mean, this thing
    would have fallen in.

    Next morning, 7.15,
    earthquake happened.

    So we realized,
    well, we did the

    right thing. I
    felt validated for

    staying at the
    hospital way too

    late, but we did
    the right thing.

    We also spent the
    next few weeks

    just planning for
    what was unknown.

    I'm a pharmacist
    by training.

    Numbers are big for me.

    The number that
    always jumps out at me

    during the pandemic
    has been 56 million.

    So 56 million.
    Any guesses?

    I can't see
    anybody, so...

    56 million.

    it's the amount of
    milligrams of propofol

    we would need to
    treat 174 patients

    that each weighs 75
    kilograms or an average

    weight of 75 kilograms
    for six months

    straight on a ventilator
    so in our minds

    we had to get around
    56 million milligrams

    of propofol that
    was our to-do list

    so we did a lot of
    work to do that we

    didn't get 56 million
    so nobody from finance

    yelled at me for
    blowing our budget.

    But we worked with
    our colleagues across

    the system. We called
    the anesthesiology.

    We called our
    surgeons. What can

    we do to switch
    things out? We went

    old school in the
    ORs. We went to gas.

    Again, we had
    this collaborative

    agreement with everybody
    to people rising

    to the occasion.
    People wanted to do

    their best. People
    wanted to help out.

    We were fortunate
    we were able to

    mitigate some of
    the challenges other

    hospitals on the
    East Coast saw.

    We had enough
    Rupafil. We were

    able to run our
    ventilators.

    Earl Fulcher and the
    group in respiratory

    therapy did some incredible
    things and learning

    how to daisy chain
    ventilators together.

    We were fortunate
    we were able

    to take care of
    our patients.

    But my wife was pregnant.

    I wasn't around.

    The pandemic is inching

    on, and she's
    slowing down.

    We were fortunate
    that her father

    was able to come
    out and help us out.

    So due dates in
    July, my father

    -in-law, Mike,
    who's here tonight,

    was able to come
    out and help us

    out starting in
    the middle of May.

    So we were very fortunate
    to have him around

    because he realized
    that with two kids or

    a son-in-law and a
    daughter in health care,

    they're not resting.
    So he helped us

    out with our now
    five-year-old and

    helped us keep on
    the afforded home.

    Again, we both, my
    wife and I, were

    struggling with
    our priorities.

    She should have
    been taking care

    of herself. I
    should have been

    taking care of her,
    but we were not.

    July comes, we have a
    beautiful baby girl.

    She is my everything.

    I'm just blown away,
    and I know many

    of you guys have
    seen her on Zoom

    calls and the infamous
    vomiting on me

    and many calls have
    been well documented,

    but she is absolutely
    incredible.

    But I look back
    at the pandemic,

    and I realize I
    missed out on a lot.

    So we get through the
    summer, and again,

    I was planning on taking
    my paternity leave

    a little bit later,
    so we had plenty of

    family in town to help
    out appropriately.

    Of course, they all
    quarantined in a hotel

    for a week before
    they moved in with us,

    rotating grandparents.
    It was great. So

    my wife had support
    at home. I was able to

    focus on stuff at the
    hospital, and then

    I was planning to use
    my paternity leave

    going into late
    October, early November.

    Side note, as many
    of you guys know,

    I have a sister
    that works in

    healthcare as well.
    She's at the FDA.

    She was in Operation
    Warp Speed. So my

    parents are kind of
    floored going, oh, wow,

    my daughter is working
    on the vaccine.

    My son is working on
    giving the vaccine.

    If you know Indian
    parents, they're

    never proud, but
    they were kind

    of proud of that
    for a second.

    They didn't really say
    it, but we saw that

    nod, so we felt some
    validation with that.

    we move through

    my wife goes back to work

    I start taking
    some time off to be

    home with the baby
    and I'm loving it

    I'm calling a
    decent amount

    but then I get
    a dreaded phone

    call so as I'm
    planning for the

    vaccines I'm planning
    for the monoclonal

    clinics down
    at South Jordan

    I get a dreaded
    phone call I remember

    it was about 6 o
    'clock in the morning

    and my mom's calling

    my mom never calls
    she never calls

    at 6 o'clock in
    the morning either

    it's not my mom,
    it's a physician

    my dad

    he had to have
    a test for him

    his test was actually
    going to the cath

    lab he didn't tell any
    of his kids about it

    he had four blockages he

    needed to have
    quadruple bypass

    and so I'm like,
    I gotta get home

    so fortunately

    Mike, my father
    -in-law, comes to

    the rescue again
    I call him,

    how fast can you
    get out to Utah

    he takes the next
    flight out, helps us out

    I fly back home to Ohio

    and with my dad

    and the Indian part
    of me, the Hindu part

    of me comes out going,
    oh man, is this going

    to be karma and dharma
    and the circle of

    life all coming together
    at once where I gain

    a beautiful daughter
    and lose my father?

    I don't know.

    Fortunately, it
    didn't happen that

    way. I was with my
    father. He got through

    surgery. It went
    well. He's doing

    great now, but I
    realized when I was

    there with him, I
    wasn't really there.

    I was focusing on how
    do I roll out a mass

    vaccination clinic?
    How do I roll out a

    mass monoclonal infusion
    clinic? I wasn't

    there with him. I was
    missing out on the

    I was freaking out on
    the flight there to

    be with him, but when
    I was there with him,

    I was not cherishing
    that moment because

    it could have been the
    last time I saw him.

    He gets home after
    a couple days.

    I did share with
    some of our hospital

    leaders that my dad
    was in and out with

    a quadruple bypass
    in five days, so

    we have some work
    to do in regards to

    our turnaround time
    at the hospital.

    Again, he was
    at an academic

    center, so it was...

    And I will... I'll
    leave that alone.

    So my dad gets home.

    I hand him off to
    my sister, who then

    relieves me so I can
    get back to Utah.

    All I remember is
    I'll get my dad really

    tightly going, wow,
    that was close.

    I get back on
    the flight, fly

    back home, hug
    the kids pretty

    tight that night
    when I get home,

    but I go back to work.

    I don't even think about
    taking my paternity

    leave. I put it on
    pause going, this is

    not my priority right
    now. So I was wrong.

    We get through
    the initial

    stages of the
    infusion clinic.

    I think when the
    monoclonal got approved,

    I think we did
    our first infusion

    within 72 hours of
    getting approved.

    So we're pretty
    proud about

    that. We're able
    to keep those

    patients out of
    the hospital.

    Very quickly
    pivot from that

    to working back
    on vaccines.

    Again, myself,
    Dr. Jeannie Mayer,

    and a number
    of others have

    been playing for
    this for months.

    So we knew it was
    coming. We just didn't

    know the exact date.
    We had, I think,

    eight or nine plans.
    I can't remember

    how many times I
    presented to our

    leadership going, well,
    if we have it come

    on this day, we'll
    go here. If we have

    it come on this
    day, we'll go here.

    It came on the worst
    day possible, so

    we had to do it in
    a tent in the middle

    of the back of the
    ED in a snowstorm.

    But we pulled it off.

    I remember the sense

    of pride in doing that.

    But then realizing my
    friends and colleagues

    who have been fighting
    this for months,

    this is their hope. What

    can I do to help them?

    So a handful of
    us, myself, Russell

    Finley, Colin
    Conley, and others,

    we poured everything
    we possibly could

    into that clinic.
    We never left.

    So from December
    14th through probably

    about the middle of
    February, I don't

    recall leaving. I
    was there five to

    six days a week
    from open to close.

    I don't know
    what my job was

    at that point in
    time, but I knew

    I had to be at
    that clinic.

    So I missed
    out on things.

    You know, I was
    prioritizing our

    patients over
    everything else.

    My wife, she's a
    trooper. Many of you

    guys know her. She did
    everything at home.

    With a little kid,
    now at that time

    a four-and-a-half-year
    -old and a daughter

    was at times six
    to seven months

    flawed on her
    plate without any

    help in the
    middle of winter

    I would leave before
    the kids would wake up

    I'd come home after
    the kids come to sleep

    she asked the
    only thing I'd do

    is that I'd
    strip the dirty

    clothes leave
    them in the hamper

    and that I'd take the
    overhands with the

    little girl because
    she was still getting

    a bottle in the
    middle of the night

    it's not a problem
    happy to do that

    I have no problem falling

    back to sleep anyplace

    during the middle
    of the pandemic make

    I realize I hadn't
    shaved in a while.

    The beard is
    a bit gruffier

    than it is right now.

    So one morning I
    thought it'd be

    a good idea to
    shave off my beard.

    So I did.

    That night when
    I got home,

    again my wife
    hadn't seen me,

    my kids hadn't seen me,

    three o'clock
    in the morning

    the little girl wakes up.

    I get the bottle,
    I go feed her.

    She doesn't stop
    crying. She's

    freaking out. She's
    losing her mind.

    She's pawing at my
    face and just screaming

    at the top of her
    lungs. My wife comes

    running in going, what
    is wrong with you?

    Can't you just give
    this kid a bottle?

    She flips on the
    light going, oh my

    God, what did you
    do to yourself?

    She didn't see me clean

    shaven in quite
    some time.

    And she realized, my
    daughter has never seen

    me clean shaven. And
    my daughter, well,

    granted, it was dark.
    She's feeling my face.

    She's like, she
    doesn't know this guy.

    And I realized,

    wow, as much as I'm
    trying to prioritize

    helping out my
    colleagues and my

    coworkers and trying
    to get back to

    whatever the new
    normal might be, I'm

    missing out on what's
    most important?

    My family.

    I'm not prioritizing
    them. It doesn't

    matter how much I
    do for anybody else.

    If I can't take
    care of them, if I'm

    not there for them,
    what good am I?

    Went to the hospital
    the next morning, and

    it was one of those
    moments I had to tell my

    team, like, I need to
    tap out. I need help.

    And my team was like,
    yeah, we've been

    waiting for you
    to do this for

    months. Why haven't
    you asked for help?

    Part of it was I knew
    how much they were

    getting killed I
    didn't want them to get

    overburdened they're
    like no no we all want

    to do this and it made
    me realize people do

    want to help people
    want to do inherently

    good things and I look
    back at the vaccine

    clinics and I remember
    how many folks is

    volunteer because they
    wanted to be there

    they want to be a part
    of it they wanted to

    help out not because
    they were gonna get a

    vaccine because they
    just wanted to see

    something positive I
    remember joking that you

    can see the smiles
    underneath the masks

    and it's really cool
    to see that and my team

    wanted to experience
    that as well and they

    also put me back in
    my place going, you've

    got two little kids
    at home. You've got

    a wife at home. You
    can't always be here.

    As much as we want
    to try to fight this

    pandemic and end it, it
    doesn't do you any good

    if you're not going
    to have anybody

    around you at
    the end of it.

    So it really kind of
    forced me to grow up.

    You know, at 42,
    I finally grew up.

    We get past the mass
    vaccination stages,

    and we were able to
    kind of get to more of

    a steady state. At
    that time, I realized,

    okay, I've got to
    make some serious

    changes and since then
    there's been some ups

    and downs in my career
    and personal lives

    but I've learned that
    I've been able to

    kind of manage them
    better part of this is

    just recognizing
    that the line between

    personal and professional
    is completely blurred

    I think I've heard
    plenty of comments

    tonight about the zoom
    calls the family and

    dogs etc all jumping
    in there yeah that's

    life now I recognize
    as I round and check

    in my my colleagues
    really when I ask

    how they're doing it's
    I really need to pay

    attention what they're
    saying you hear

    about their stories
    about their family, their

    spouse, their partner,
    their children,

    their grandchildren.

    Listen to
    what's going on.

    That stuff is the things
    that really matters.

    It makes them a better
    employee. It makes

    them a better colleague
    and co-worker.

    If they're happy at
    home, they're typically

    going to be happy at
    work and vice versa.

    So really, how do I
    focus more on that?

    I learned that from
    myself, just recognizing

    I wasn't happy at work
    during the vaccine

    clinic because I was
    missing out on my

    kids. And when I was with
    my kids, I was missing,

    I felt guilty that
    I was missing out at

    work and not helping
    the vaccine clinics.

    So really, how do you

    kind of find
    that balance?

    Still haven't quite
    found it yet but

    I'm working towards
    it but recognize

    that I need to be
    happy in both places

    and I got to try to
    find that so we moved

    past the vaccine
    stages in trying to get

    to this new steady
    state as I mentioned

    there's been ups and
    downs some career

    changes for myself and
    I've gotten to a better

    place where I can
    handle what's going

    on in life and what
    I've learned from the

    pandemic looking back
    over the last two

    years as mentioned
    expect the unexpected

    people do want to do
    good more importantly

    i got to figure out
    my priorities and i

    think i've got them
    better set now and i

    know we talked about
    music before we came

    up here and yes my
    summer 99 was awesome

    i got to see bob dylan
    and uh i'm a huge

    dylan fan i've seen
    him like 70 times and

    paul simon in concert
    together all along i70

    it was incredible
    in addition a lot of

    great opening acts
    along the way but one of

    my favorite songs of
    all time is actually

    not one from a jam
    band and a folk singer

    from an alternative
    band called Soul Asylum.

    David Perner had
    this great line in

    his song called The
    Eyes of a Child.

    He said, see the world

    through the
    eyes of a child.

    Big things seem smaller

    and old things seem new.

    Took my daughter in
    the middle of the

    night screaming
    at me for having a

    shaved face to realize
    that I need to open

    my eyes and look
    things differently.

    Thanks so much.
    Terri Berg/Health Care Stories 2022
    Transcription
    The beginning.
    March 11, 2020. The

    World Health
    Organization officially

    declared COVID
    -19 a pandemic.

    March 13, 2020.
    President Trump declares

    coronavirus pandemic
    a national emergency.

    March 16, 2020.

    Salt Lake County
    Health Department today

    declared a public
    health emergency in

    response to the COVID
    -19 pandemic. Immediately

    following the
    declaration, Salt Lake

    County Health Department
    issued a health

    order effective at 11
    o'clock p.m. today,

    March 8, 16,

    regarding business
    operations in

    the county, including
    specifics for

    the food and
    beverage industry.

    All retail and
    service-oriented

    businesses are
    required to implement

    social distancing
    measures and exclude

    symptomatic workers
    from working.

    Social distancing
    should include

    at least six feet between

    customers in the
    establishment.

    Workers symptomatic
    with respiratory

    illness or fever
    must not be

    in the business.
    No exceptions.

    I'm a patient
    relations specialist at

    the information desk
    at University of

    Utah Hospital. I
    had wanted to be on

    the team as a patient
    relations specialist

    for many years,
    and I had to wait

    until there was a
    position available.

    I love my job, and I
    love helping people.

    A few of my team
    responsibilities

    pre-COVID,
    greet visitors,

    direct an ******
    to patient rooms,

    deliver flowers to
    patient rooms, visit

    patient rooms to
    offer newspapers,

    to offer word
    puzzles, coloring

    pages, and we
    had many other

    amenities. I really
    have missed this.

    We would also
    shuttle patients to

    appointments on
    campus if they

    had shown up at
    the hospital and

    their appointment
    was elsewhere.

    Monday,

    March 16, was the
    first day changes

    were made reacting
    to the pandemic

    within the hospital
    and clinics.

    On my way to work
    that day I remember

    there were no
    cars on the road

    and I drove past
    a sign that said

    a no visitor policy
    was in effect.

    It was such an
    eerie feeling and

    it gave me a lump
    in my throat.

    I was shaking.

    I was sweating. My
    heart was racing.

    I felt like I
    was in a dream

    and that it just
    can't be real.

    No valet, no
    shuttles, no chairs

    at all in the lobby, in

    Starbucks, or in
    the cafeteria.

    The lobby gave me
    an eerie feeling.

    No piano playing by
    our volunteer pianists.

    It's very strange to
    see a place that's

    usually hustling and
    bustling with people

    their chatter, the
    music from the piano,

    to nothing,

    no one, silence.

    During the middle
    of 2020, there were

    some exceptions to
    allow family visits.

    There was a visitor
    policy in effect.

    I'm so sorry.

    I'm

    back on track.

    march 18 2020 two
    days later came the

    earthquake it was
    very surreal which

    added to my anxiety
    and wonder about the

    future will there
    be more earthquakes

    will i get sick will
    i lose people that

    i love and care about
    to this and these

    thoughts were
    constantly in my mind

    something i've always
    loved is grocery

    shopping i would get
    inspiration for cooking new

    recipes and buying
    some new ingredients

    from all the grocery
    stores i would go to

    several grocery stores
    and a shopping visit i

    remember after staying
    home several days and

    needing to go to the
    grocery store. We all

    wore masks. People
    were standing six feet

    distancing or more
    because we were afraid.

    Many shelves were empty.

    I had anxiety,
    and my experience

    had changed drastically.

    It had become
    an incredibly

    stressful chore.
    I broke down in

    tears when I
    got into my car.

    going to the grocery
    store had become

    stressful and was no
    longer fun and my work

    at the hospital which
    was customer service

    oriented had become
    more challenging

    there was a visitor
    policy and screening

    process for patients
    and visitors as

    well as employees at
    each entrance with

    just a few entrances
    that were being used

    our team grew from
    28 to 41 people to

    accommodate the changing
    responsibilities.

    We were essential
    employees.

    The visitor policy was no

    visitors in the
    very beginning.

    Mothers giving
    birth could

    only have one
    support person.

    No other visitors
    were allowed.

    We, my team and I, had to

    ask families to
    wait outside.

    They were not
    allowed inside.

    The extreme temperatures
    of winter and summer

    made it really
    difficult to tell them

    that they could not be
    inside. We would offer

    them water and granola
    bars just to help.

    Several clinics had

    canceled their
    appointments.

    Elective and non
    -emergency surgeries were

    canceled. The emergency
    department was

    divided into two
    separate departments.

    There was one
    screening area

    that was in a
    big tent outside.

    Once they were
    screened, they would

    be directed either to the

    emergency room or the
    emergency department

    area for people
    with COVID.

    These processes have
    changed as needed

    as it's evolved. To
    this day, we still

    have a strict visitor
    policy in effect.

    During the middle
    of 2020, there were

    some exceptions
    to allow family

    visits to say goodbye
    to loved ones.

    A patient in his 70s

    was passing from COVID.

    His wife and children
    came to say their final

    goodbyes. This was
    during a time that

    COVID patients were
    allowed to have family

    members by their side
    while they were passing.

    He was being moved
    from the COVID

    surge floor to
    the medical ICU.

    I happened to be at
    the information desk

    when the family
    came in and was able

    to ****** them to
    the patient's room.

    His family had
    recovered from

    COVID, but he was
    not so fortunate.

    This was something I was

    grateful to
    be able to do.

    I have compassion and
    feel like I'm able

    to communicate well
    with them given the

    difficult situation
    they're dealing with.

    I guided them onto
    the unit and as

    we were nearing
    the patient's

    room the patient
    was being wheeled

    into his room it
    was heartbreaking

    I was grateful
    that I had been

    able to help
    them and sad to

    witness these
    painful moments

    as I left them

    and I walked off
    the unit I was so

    emotional I had
    broke down in tears

    I had thought
    about all the

    people that were
    experiencing this

    I hadn't known
    anyone really close

    to me to be very
    sick at this point

    Even though I
    had known some

    people that had
    tested positive

    Shortly after this
    experience, my mother

    and father who live
    in St. George tested

    positive My father
    had mild symptoms

    My mother was
    very sick for

    weeks and was
    hospitalized as

    her kidneys were
    shutting down.

    We almost lost her.

    She was very fortunate

    and made a full recovery.

    In February of 2018,
    I lost my son, Seth,

    who has a twin sister,
    to an alcohol-induced

    suicide on his older
    brother's birthday.

    I had attended a
    bereaved mother's retreat

    a few months after
    that and met a group

    of mothers who had
    also lost children.

    For my birthday on
    March 17th, my children

    had given me the
    opportunity to attend a

    bereaved mother's
    retreat reunion in Moab,

    one of my favorite
    places on the earth.

    I was looking
    forward to this

    and need the
    continued support.

    This was canceled,
    and they have

    not yet been able
    to reschedule.

    Years before my
    son had passed, I

    had volunteered
    for the In Between,

    a hospice for homeless,

    and had started
    to volunteer for

    the No One Dies
    Alone team when it

    began years ago
    at the hospital.

    This program is to
    provide compassionate

    companionship for
    patients alone at

    the end of their
    lives. I took some time

    away after I lost
    my son. It was just

    too difficult at
    that time to hold

    someone's hand and be
    present in a way that

    they deserved while
    they were passing.

    I began to volunteer
    just before COVID hit.

    The volunteer program
    was placed on hold

    for four months,
    and they're still

    working on adding
    programs back slowly. With

    nine programs back,
    they're phasing

    in another three
    between April and July.

    There are 25 in total.

    Being home with
    the exception of

    work and a few
    grocery store runs

    came the realization
    that my marriage

    was not healthy
    for either of us.

    I had kept myself
    so busy not wanting

    to be at home for
    so many years, even

    before the pandemic.
    I found the problems

    I had ignored were
    no longer easy to

    ignore, and I filed
    for divorce in 2020.

    Many years of hard
    work in therapy

    and with the support
    of family and

    friends, I am
    making progress in

    becoming my healthiest
    self that I've

    ever been, physically
    and mentally.

    I've dedicated time
    to several suicide

    awareness and prevention
    classes and events

    to help support me
    after the loss of Seth.

    My time during
    COVID gave me the

    time and space
    that I needed to

    grow, and I'm so
    grateful for that.

    I have since been able

    to enjoy my time alone.

    I've made my home mine

    again and love
    being home.

    I've realized my
    time is precious, and

    I'll choose carefully
    what I do with it.

    I've learned to like
    myself and who I am.

    As I begin to get
    busy and back to

    life again, I can
    only hope that I

    will remember to
    slow down a little.

    I want to enjoy my
    family, grandchildren,

    and my close friends that

    I've missed for
    the past two years.

    and I'm in a
    new relationship

    with an amazing man.

    We are in this together
    and being in contact

    with people who enter
    the hospital while

    still following masking
    and other continued

    policies, I find
    that we are learning

    to appreciate and
    respect our differences.

    We are resilient
    and I hope

    we can all
    grow from this.

    Thank you.

    Meet the Healthcare Stories Team


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    Director

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    Producer

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    Betsy Holm

    Program Manager

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