Taking care of a sick or aging family member can be exhausting, especially when chronic conditions can last months or years. As much as you love that person, providing care can be a full-time job that requires time, money, and labor—all while experiencing the emotional struggle of your loved one being unwell.
If you feel overwhelmed, you’re not alone. While you’re taking care of another, your needs still matter too. But there are ways to be a caregiver and still care for yourself. Connecting with others and getting support can relieve some of the pressure.
Echo Warner, PhD, researches family caregivers’ experiences to find out what caregivers need and how to help. Here’s what she’s learned:
Social isolation is common
Taking care of a loved one takes time, which can make it tough to find opportunities to connect with friends. Moving in to care for family can make it even more challenging to build a social network. For people living in rural areas and for caregivers in their 20s through 40s, feelings of loneliness or social isolation are especially common, Warner has found.
“A normal part of development in this age range is social connection, finding one's place in the world, and becoming your own person, separate from your childhood home and values,” Warner says. “That social development is so impacted when a young adult has to—or chooses to—set aside those aspirations and opportunities to care for someone else.”
Tech can help connect
Finding ways to talk with others in the same boat can help reduce feelings of isolation and provide valuable emotional support, Warner says. Video calls can provide meaningful connection if physical distance or lack of time make it hard to speak in person.
“One of the most important and valued experiences of the caregivers I've spoken with is their ability to connect with other people who get it,” Warner says. “Videoconferencing bridges the divide. We’re able to have these kinds of conversations in a way that 10 or 20 years ago, we wouldn’t have even thought of.”
Social media has its benefits
Social media can also be a surprisingly effective way to receive emotional support, Warner discovered. Many caregivers she’s talked to “were blown away by how many people come out of the woodwork to support them, because they were willing to share about their experience online,” she says.
Social media use does have its risks, though. Warner’s research has found that caregivers often contend with misinformation and uncomfortable or insincere responses, such as responses that minimize caregivers’ experiences. Warner recommends that you carefully consider health information you find online—and ask your doctor about info you’re unsure of.
But on the whole, Warner says, social media can be a valuable tool to connect with others who are facing similar circumstances. Using social media to create private groups with trusted allies can help you communicate your needs to the people who care about you. “It helps caregivers feel seen,” Warner adds. “And it helps them to know that they're not alone in their caregiving experience.”
Find ways to communicate your needs
Warner adds that, for caregivers, it’s crucial to find a way to talk with friends and family about challenges. “People can’t help if they don’t know you’re struggling,” she says. “It’s hard to do that, though. It’s really hard to say, ‘I’m struggling, and I need help.’”
Again, technology can help make communication a little easier. You can use apps to help track specific needs—from gas money to food delivery to someone to watch the kids for a few hours—and share that list with trusted friends so that peoples’ support networks can do the most good.
“Having small, concrete things that others can help with can be really good,” Warner says. She adds that support networks are often more willing to chip in than you might expect—and if they know how they can best support patients and caregivers, they will. “People want to help."