Is Your Teen Suddenly Dreading School? Here’s What to Do
Is Your Teen Suddenly Dreading School? Here’s What to Do
School is a huge part of life for most teens—it’s where they learn, hang with friends, and participate in their favorite activities. But for some, school can be overwhelming and trigger anxiety and stress. As a parent, seeing your child struggle can be distressing.
Jessica Holzbauer, a licensed clinical social worker at Huntsman Mental Health Institute at the University of Utah, shares some insight into why teens may be feeling this way, along with how you can help your child deal with anxiety surrounding school.
How to Recognize School Anxiety
It’s normal for teenagers to want more freedom. So, they may not share everything with you like they used to. However, they still need support and guidance, even if they don’t explicitly vocalize it.
Clues that might suggest that school is causing your teen some significant distress include:
- Avoiding activities they normally enjoy
- Declining grades
- Withdrawing from friends
- Differences in their sleeping habits
- Increase in physical complaints such as headaches, stomachaches, or other body pains that don’t have a clear cause
How You Can Help
It’s understandable to want to immediately jump in and try to fix everything when your child is struggling. But it’s important to know that your role as a parent has shifted now that you have a teenager. While you’ll always be there to offer support and guidance, giving them the opportunity to work through challenges themselves shows that you trust them. This gives teens the skills they need to face bigger challenges in the future.
“Most often, teenagers don’t want solutions,” Holzbauer says. “Rather, they want someone to listen and truly understand. I encourage parents to listen more than they talk when their teen is facing a challenge, and to ask open-ended questions. Teenagers often feel misunderstood, so being curiously non-judgmental when asking questions is a way for adolescents to feel validated. Often, teenagers know how to solve the problem, and asking open-ended questions can help them vocalize how to help themselves.”
Holzbauer recommends asking the following open-ended questions to help your teen identify the root causes of their school phobia:
- What are you most nervous about?
- How do you think the first day and week are going to go?
- How will you know if x is really a disaster?
- What if your fears are really just nervous thoughts that have gotten really big?
- What would make you feel more confident that you could get through the hard part of your day?
Guiding your teen toward their own conclusions about the causes of anxiety and how to deal with those stressors will help them navigate high school and grow into balanced adults.
Incorporating Practical Tips
Every teen is different. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to cure school anxiety. Holzbauer suggests trying hands-on approaches to help teens decrease their stress levels as they tackle their school day, such as:
- Cope ahead. This dialectical behavior therapy strategy can help students whose anxiety is rooted in anticipation. This skill involves imagining what feelings may arise during a stressful situation and making a plan for tolerating that discomfort.
“Some teens can benefit from this skill by packing an item with them that can help self-soothe, such as a fidget, favorite candy, or a photo of pet,” Holzbauer explains. “For others, reducing the unexpected by walking through the school with their schedule or planning out their morning routine can provide more of a sense of control.”
- Jump in feet first. Sometimes, your mind can make stress worse by imagining the worst-case scenarios and overthinking them. When this happens, have your child relax and practice techniques—such as meditation—to help them remain calm before a stressful day. After that, encourage your teen to jump right in instead of putting it off or avoiding it.
- Find their why. Instead of downplaying your teen’s anxiety or persuading them that school is a positive thing, try asking open-ended questions to help them discover their own reasons for why school matters. Their motivation might be getting into their dream college, being part of a team or club they’re passionate about, or simply spending time with close friends. Encouraging them to identify their “why” can be a powerful way to shift their mindset and reduce negative feelings toward school.
If your child is still displaying school avoidance after weeks or months, consider utilizing outside resources.
“If school is a constant source of angst for teens,” Holzbauer says, “we wonder if there might be a learning issue that is causing additional difficulty, or if social barriers are preventing the student from being successful. Sometimes, children just simply learn differently and might need a different academic plan or setting to be successful. This would be a good conversation for parents to have with the school counselor.”
While watching your child deal with school anxiety can be overwhelming, being a present listener and seeking support when needed can help your teen grow into a well-balanced adult.
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