It’s the "most wonderful time of the year," but for many, stress and the holidays are as entwined as mistletoe and holly. Seasonal festivities can be particularly challenging for those grappling with significant life changes, such as the loss of a loved one or a difficult breakup.
So, if you're dreading that big family dinner or tree-decorating party, know that you're not alone. Many people are feeling the bittersweet sting of loss and sadness brought on by these once-joyous traditions.
“If you're going through some big changes, holiday traditions can bring up a lot of sadness, despair, frustration, and exhaustion,” says Kristin Francis, MD, assistant professor of psychiatry at University of Utah Health’s Huntsman Mental Health Institute. “Trying something new can alleviate that stress and bring delight back into the holidays.”
Think Outside the Box
There’s no rule that says you must stick to the same holiday traditions year after year—especially if they bring you pain. Here are some ways to make this holiday season work for you:
- Switch up the Menu. Instead of the traditional turkey, prepare a loved one’s favorite dish to cherish their memory, or choose a recipe that brings you comfort. Simplify things by ordering sushi for a holiday dinner if that’s what would bring you and your family joy.
- Pace Yourself. It’s okay to adjust expectations. Show yourself the same compassion you’d show a close friend. Ask for help with shopping or gift wrapping.
- Simplify Gift-Giving. Save money and avoid the malls. Make gift decisions that work for you, and consider your budget, bandwidth, and values. Instead of buying, wrapping, and mailing all your gifts, you might opt to schedule a coffee date or a walk with a loved one, or plan a video call with an out-of-state friend.
- Get Outside. Replace classic movie night with a trip to the ice-skating rink or a stroll through the neighborhood. Or change your scenery altogether and take a trip to the desert to experience the warmth of the sun with new sights and sounds.
- Give Back. Experience the joy of giving by volunteering for a good cause or clean out a closet and donate unused items to a local shelter.
- Try Something New. If the same old traditions feel off, create a new tradition. Try crafting a cranberry and popcorn garland for an outdoor tree, or hide a German Christmas pickle on your tree before inviting little ones to search for it.
Press “Pause” On Parties
Before you send in your RSVP to that ugly sweater party, take a moment to check in with yourself. If putting on a brave face and socializing feels too daunting, it’s perfectly OK to stay home.
“Just as someone recovering from pneumonia wouldn't be expected to run a 5K immediately, those healing from mental health conditions also need to take things slow,” Francis says.
“It's important to pace yourself and allow time for recovery. You have the right to protect yourself, so if you're not up for social events, it’s perfectly okay to decline the invitation.”
If you're unable to break holiday party plans, prepare yourself with these self-care tips:
- Set a Timer: If you're not feeling up to it but still need to make an appearance, designate a small window of time and then leave. You can always stay longer if you’re enjoying yourself.
- Use the Buddy System: Bring a trusted friend who can help you gracefully exit uncomfortable conversations and be there for support.
- Honor Your Boundaries: It’s okay to set emotional boundaries if you’re not comfortable talking about certain things. Simply thank an inquiring friend for their concern, for understanding that what you’re going though is hard, and that you’re just not ready to talk about it.
- Pass on the Punch Bowl: Limiting alcohol consumption will improve your mood and reduce the likelihood of next-day anxiety. Instead, opt for a festive mocktail or a sparkling water.
Hydrate, Sleep, and Be Gentle with Yourself
The holidays—and all the nostalgic memories they bring—can take a toll on us during difficult times. Please remember to check in on yourself, draw some boundaries, and take care of your most basic needs.
“I think people undervalue how much sleep and hydration impacts their overall well-being,” Francis says. “Sleep is important because it allows our bodies to rejuvenate and rest, and water consumption impacts our energy.”
If the holiday blues are worsening, find a professional who can help. If you have a primary care provider, schedule an appointment to talk about your situation. You also can seek help from a crisis line like 988, which provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
